Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being insanely selfish. This is your nephew, not some far flung cousin’s kid you barely know! And it sounds like he needs to work on his social skills - as his aunt/uncle, you can treat him like one of your kids and call him out on rude behavior. 16 is too young to be renting a room in a strangers house!

A nephew - yes, but not her kids. Why should OP help him work on his social skills, he has his own parents for that. Why should OP kids be made uncomfortable in their own home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s a child. I would never say no to a niece or nephew

+1

[Anonymous]

It’s also unlikely this internship is longer than several weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew (16) has an opportunity to ‘intern’ for a well regarded law firm in the city me and my family live in over the summer. He wants to go to law school, so this is a huge opportunity for him, and it also may lead to a scholarship. His family are not very well off, and apparently my mother (trying to be helpful, I’m sure) offered that my family might be willing to host home over the summer. From what my mom says, apparently his parents weren’t going to ask and were talking about him not going because they were having trouble affording to house him, and my mom piped up that she was sure I would be happy to house him for the summer.

Here is the thing, I really don’t want to. The thing is, he is brilliant, but he is also a bully. Over the holidays, My son (similar age range) will be talking about how happy he was to get a B in a particular class he was struggling in earlier in the year, and this nephew will jump in and talk about how easy that class was, and how he got an A+ and his teacher told him how he was the smartest student he ever had. I get he is smart - he always has been - but he is full of himself, and always seemed to lord his intelligence over everyone else. It’s frustrating, and honestly hurts my kids’ (who are smart enough kids, but not whiz kids - and that’s fine) feelings.

I’ve told my parents, and his parents, that we are not interested. I have, tactfully, explained why we don’t really want to play host, and explained that we have a lot of plans for the summer and it would just be too much, but we are getting a lot of pushback. Just yesterday I was talking to my mom, and she was adamant that we were blowing all of this out of proportion and being selfish not letting him stay in our spare bedroom because now he likely won’t be able to do the internship, and likely won’t get the scholarship or go to college either because I am blowing everything out of proportion. Mind you, I have offered suggestions as to where he could stay for a reasonable price, including getting his parents the contact info for a family friend who rents out a basement room to college kids during the school year and would be more then happy to let him stay there over the summer for a very fair price, so I feel like I have done a lot of work towards this, but everyone seems to think I’m being selfish for not letting him stay either us rent free.

Am I really being as selfish as my family thinks I am? My husband thinks we should just back down and let him stay for a few months, but I just don’t want our summer to be impacted.

It’s not your mom’s place to dictate what you do. If he’s so smart why didn’t he get an internship in his hometown? Seems like they deliberately applied for this planning to stay with you. He probably has no friends and so his idea of socializing is putting your son down. That’s not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough situation, but I think you might regret not hosting the 16 year old down the road. There are potentially a lot of teachable moments here, for your nephew and your kids, frankly.
FWIW, I have been in similar situations. While he sounds annoying, he’s still a kid. Think long game.

She will not regret it or even think about it in the future. This is not her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I would help the kid out. You can have a chat with him to lay out expectations of behavior in your home, to include how we speak to others. Being in a work environment for a bit may actually help him learn better verbal communication skills.

You and your DH have the last say over what happens in your home so it's your call to make. While my nieces and nephews can be annoying, I would take them in for the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is not a troll post, you are not a good person OP. Where I come from, we help our family when they need us, even if it is inconvenient at times. But, “boundaries”—right?

Yes boundaries apply. You sound like you are a boundary challenged person from a dysfunctional family so this is your normal. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a child. I would never say no to a niece or nephew

+1

+2 Americans have so little regard for family, it’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

Eff the kid.

We had a similar request. From K until 3 grade we had neighbors that were classmates with our kids. We used to even take weekend trips together until the end of 4rd grade where our son told us the kid was basically bullying and harassing him.

They had moved away and asked about using our ADU for the kid's congressional internship over the summer. Told them to eff off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eff the kid.

We had a similar request. From K until 3 grade we had neighbors that were classmates with our kids. We used to even take weekend trips together until the end of 4rd grade where our son told us the kid was basically bullying and harassing him.

They had moved away and asked about using our ADU for the kid's congressional internship over the summer. Told them to eff off.

No longer friends and not *family.* Not remotely comparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ice cold to have your 16 year old nephew stay elsewhere.

Agree. OP is mean and has bad grammar.
By the way, there is nothing tactful about straight up telling family that you don't want to host. Tact is finding a way around the issue, i.e. we will be out of down due to asbestos abatement of the house all summer.

Diplomacy is obviously not a talent in OP's family.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is just being vindictive and wants the nephew not to get this internship since her kid is not as successful. I would never do this to my sibling's child.

[Anonymous]

Geez. Seriously? Yes, you are in the wrong.

He’s a teen. Did it ever occur to you that he might calm down a little if you guys get to know him and vice versa? Bragging/showing off is normal and while it’s annoying, it’s not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez. Seriously? Yes, you are in the wrong.

He’s a teen. Did it ever occur to you that he might calm down a little if you guys get to know him and vice versa? Bragging/showing off is normal and while it’s annoying, it’s not the end of the world.

+1

And I bet OP is under the delusion that she’s generous, kind, and compassionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being insanely selfish. This is your nephew, not some far flung cousin’s kid you barely know! And it sounds like he needs to work on his social skills - as his aunt/uncle, you can treat him like one of your kids and call him out on rude behavior. 16 is too young to be renting a room in a strangers house!

A nephew - yes, but not her kids. Why should OP help him work on his social skills, he has his own parents for that. Why should OP kids be made uncomfortable in their own home?

Because they're family--and family is supposed to help each other. The kid is a 16 yo boy with an ego, not a serial killer. Very few people are going to rent to a 16 yo for a reasonable price. Of course OP has the right to say no, but family is about helping each other in an unselfish way. And if you want to look at this from a self-interested perspective, you never know when OP or her own kids might need help in the future from this nephew who could end up being successful with a leg up from his wealthier relatives.