Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom she can come live with him in an Airbnb.

And tell your husband that he will be doing 100% of the work, 100% of parenting this kid, 100% of setting boundaries and managing cousin conflict, handling any extra needs that come up like if the kid gets sick or whatever, and your husband is also in charge of the kid's room, sheets, commute, lunch packing and unpacking, and literally everything else.

[Anonymous]

Echoing a PP to say that no 16 yo will do anything of substance at a law firm. Kick the tires on that opportunity for sure.

[Anonymous]

This is such a bizarre story.

A law firm internship at 16 is NOT lifechanging. He's not going to be asked to do anything important, OP. It's certainly nice to have on the college app, but a lot of admission officers will think he got it through connections, not talent, unless he can point to a legitimate-sounding competitive selection process for the internship. And the scholarship? Don't count on it changing the nature of colleges he can apply to. Tuition has risen very rapidly and scholarships have NOT, so it might not change the family's college calculus at all.

If you have a kid of the same age, it seems like you would know all this.

And it's not the teen's parents who are pressuring you, but apparently your mother, who has even less of an understanding of the college landscape than you.

So things are not adding up here. I would welcome my nephew and call him out on his rudeness every single time, because I've got a 19 year old and a 14 year old and sometimes they get cocky. I would very comfortable treating him like my kid in this situation.

But I'm thinking this may be a troll post, or you may not be presenting all the facts, or may not have all the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom she can come live with him in an Airbnb.

And tell your husband that he will be doing 100% of the work, 100% of parenting this kid, 100% of setting boundaries and managing cousin conflict, handling any extra needs that come up like if the kid gets sick or whatever, and your husband is also in charge of the kid's room, sheets, commute, lunch packing and unpacking, and literally everything else.

This is something to consider. I had my nephew stay with us for only two weeks one summer and it was much more work than I had ever envisioned it to be.
He is a great kid, but it turned out that I was much more responsible for his care and safety than it first was relayed. In theory it may sound best to be open and generous, but the reality is sometimes quite different than what you think it will be.

[Anonymous]

I would only do this if you're prepared to provide a LOT of coaching on professional norms. How to dress, how to act, all that stuff. If he's growing up low-income he's going to find it really stressful and it may not go well. If this is part of a program for low-income teens where the program provides that, great. If not, it's you and your DH doing it, including buying his wardrobe. Otherwise it may go very badly and he won't get a recommendation, or it may put him off the idea of being a lawyer or postgraduate degree jobs generally.

[Anonymous]

It was really rude of your mother to offer your home and your time and energy without consulting you.

If she thinks this is so important she can figure out a way to make it work on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What law firms offer scholarships? This sounds made up.

Right? Nothing about this adds up. What law firm takes an unconnected kid from an entirely different city on for a summer internship? And makes them find their own housing, as a minor? Come on. Either OP is trolling us,.or her family is lying to her.

[Anonymous]

This seems fake. A 16 year old living to a different city for a summer for an “internship” at a law firm?

Anyways, you refer to your brother / sister by calling them “the parents” of your nephew. Wtf. Your family is dysfunctional. Most people love their nephews. I wonder why you never formed an attachment to him? It’s weird.

[Anonymous]

You are being insanely selfish. This is your nephew, not some far flung cousin’s kid you barely know! And it sounds like he needs to work on his social skills - as his aunt/uncle, you can treat him like one of your kids and call him out on rude behavior. 16 is too young to be renting a room in a strangers house!

[Anonymous]

Your mom or MIL doesn’t get to extend hosting invitations for your house! Put some distance between them if they keep badgering. You are under zero obligation to host this kid. Your mom is being a jerk to you. She’s probably enjoying feeling relevant like she’s going to solve this pickle! Yep, Maude’s putting her foot down and saving the day! Shut that nonsense down.

[Anonymous]

OP you have every right to say no and your mother has poor boundaries. It's especially manipulative to call someone selfish when they say "no" and it looks like we have quite a few manipulators on this thread.

That said, I have never heard of a law-firm taking on a 16 year old no matter how bright and it's too much liability to make him more than a coffee, xerox and gopher boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not selfish. Your kids come first. FYI, I have worked in law firms my entire adult life and there are none that have ever hired a HS intern. He wouldn't be able to do much more than make copies, scans and deliver mail to employees. No 16 yr old would be trusted to do anything related to clients, they don't know how to research properly and it's not a good investment of time to teach them just for a summer.

Nobody in your family has ANY proof that this kid doing this internship would lead to a college scholarship. And he can get into law school based on his college GPA and LSAT scores - nobody will care about his summer job in HS by that time.

OP here: Maybe internship is not the best description. It’s a program associated with a legal organization that allows high schoolers to ”intern” at private legal practices. My understanding is that it’s primarily doing pretty basic tasks and shadowing lawyers, with some educational elements. The organization that organizes the program offers a couple scholarships for graduates of the program. They offer housing, but from my understanding is that housing is too expensive for my sibling’s family - thus looking for other housing.

[Anonymous]

This is a nonstarter. Your sister asked a faraway friend if the kid could visit the law firm, and the lawyer said OK, but no one thought about the logistics of making it possible. Just say No.

[Anonymous]

I agre it’s pretty cold and selfish to say no. And calling him a bully because he made a comment about better grades says more about you than him. Maybe your kids made a comment about going on vacations or being in extracurriculars he can’t afford. Likely they both have areas where they one up each other. Teens are generally kind of insecure.

Making suggestions about him renting a place isn’t helpful. Obviously you can say no but likely not without damaging relationships within the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not selfish. Your kids come first. FYI, I have worked in law firms my entire adult life and there are none that have ever hired a HS intern. He wouldn't be able to do much more than make copies, scans and deliver mail to employees. No 16 yr old would be trusted to do anything related to clients, they don't know how to research properly and it's not a good investment of time to teach them just for a summer.

Nobody in your family has ANY proof that this kid doing this internship would lead to a college scholarship. And he can get into law school based on his college GPA and LSAT scores - nobody will care about his summer job in HS by that time.

OP here: Maybe internship is not the best description. It’s a program associated with a legal organization that allows high schoolers to ”intern” at private legal practices. My understanding is that it’s primarily doing pretty basic tasks and shadowing lawyers, with some educational elements. The organization that organizes the program offers a couple scholarships for graduates of the program. They offer housing, but from my understanding is that housing is too expensive for my sibling’s family - thus looking for other housing.

Be careful - is it a pay-to-play program?