Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised how many people think OP should do this. This is a 16 year old kid. I'm assuming OP must have changed the details b/c I seriously can't imagine any law firm giving a 16 year old any kind of meaningful internship- at most they would be working as a legal secretary (and even that is probably a stretch.) A 16 year old can't be left alone for a week if the family wants to go on vacation. A 16 year old doesn't cook for themselves. A 16 year old needs transportation. I would feel differently if CPS had called and asked the family to take the 16 year old in so he didn't go to foster care. But the way this situation is presented OP is being asked to take in a child, who will significantly impact their family life, just b/c the kid wants to do something that is objectively of little value.

[Anonymous]

You should help your nephew so that he makes something of his life and can support his parents in their old age.

[Anonymous]

Does that mean you have to stay home all summer and not go on any vacations? I love my nephew and all but that would drive me crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should help your nephew so that he makes something of his life and can support his parents in their old age.

What? Go away troll.

[Anonymous]

OP,

How much is the program housing for students? Why not offer to go in 1/3 each with your mom and sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised how many people think OP should do this. This is a 16 year old kid. I'm assuming OP must have changed the details b/c I seriously can't imagine any law firm giving a 16 year old any kind of meaningful internship- at most they would be working as a legal secretary (and even that is probably a stretch.) A 16 year old can't be left alone for a week if the family wants to go on vacation. A 16 year old doesn't cook for themselves. A 16 year old needs transportation. I would feel differently if CPS had called and asked the family to take the 16 year old in so he didn't go to foster care. But the way this situation is presented OP is being asked to take in a child, who will significantly impact their family life, just b/c the kid wants to do something that is objectively of little value.

It's not A 16 year old kid. It's OP's 16 year old nephew. Who she doesn't like--we get it. But still, it's just for a few weeks. Maybe this is a troll post, because I agree, internships at law firms for 16 year old non-nepo babies are hard to come by. But if it were true, it's pretty cold to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew (16) has an opportunity to ‘intern’ for a well regarded law firm in the city me and my family live in over the summer. He wants to go to law school, so this is a huge opportunity for him, and it also may lead to a scholarship. His family are not very well off, and apparently my mother (trying to be helpful, I’m sure) offered that my family might be willing to host home over the summer. From what my mom says, apparently his parents weren’t going to ask and were talking about him not going because they were having trouble affording to house him, and my mom piped up that she was sure I would be happy to house him for the summer.

Here is the thing, I really don’t want to. The thing is, he is brilliant, but he is also a bully. Over the holidays, My son (similar age range) will be talking about how happy he was to get a B in a particular class he was struggling in earlier in the year, and this nephew will jump in and talk about how easy that class was, and how he got an A+ and his teacher told him how he was the smartest student he ever had. I get he is smart - he always has been - but he is full of himself, and always seemed to lord his intelligence over everyone else. It’s frustrating, and honestly hurts my kids’ (who are smart enough kids, but not whiz kids - and that’s fine) feelings.

I’ve told my parents, and his parents, that we are not interested. I have, tactfully, explained why we don’t really want to play host, and explained that we have a lot of plans for the summer and it would just be too much, but we are getting a lot of pushback. Just yesterday I was talking to my mom, and she was adamant that we were blowing all of this out of proportion and being selfish not letting him stay in our spare bedroom because now he likely won’t be able to do the internship, and likely won’t get the scholarship or go to college either because I am blowing everything out of proportion. Mind you, I have offered suggestions as to where he could stay for a reasonable price, including getting his parents the contact info for a family friend who rents out a basement room to college kids during the school year and would be more then happy to let him stay there over the summer for a very fair price, so I feel like I have done a lot of work towards this, but everyone seems to think I’m being selfish for not letting him stay either us rent free.

Am I really being as selfish as my family thinks I am? My husband thinks we should just back down and let him stay for a few months, but I just don’t want our summer to be impacted.

I don't think you are horribly selfish, but I think you could figure out a way to deal for the summer. You don't have a problem setting boundaries, so why not set them with him in your own home? If your kids are a lot younger you can tell him to lay off directly. If they are the same age it's a good time for them to learn to ignore people like this or stand up for themselves.

PS - what you described is a know it all, not a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised how many people think OP should do this. This is a 16 year old kid. I'm assuming OP must have changed the details b/c I seriously can't imagine any law firm giving a 16 year old any kind of meaningful internship- at most they would be working as a legal secretary (and even that is probably a stretch.) A 16 year old can't be left alone for a week if the family wants to go on vacation. A 16 year old doesn't cook for themselves. A 16 year old needs transportation. I would feel differently if CPS had called and asked the family to take the 16 year old in so he didn't go to foster care. But the way this situation is presented OP is being asked to take in a child, who will significantly impact their family life, just b/c the kid wants to do something that is objectively of little value.

I'm a legal secretary and assure you that a 16 yr old could not do what I do. It ain't just answering phones (I don't even do that at all) and opening mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ice cold to have your 16 year old nephew stay elsewhere.

This. Your nephew does sound annoying. But many teens are. And you don’t stop being his aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eff the kid.

We had a similar request. From K until 3 grade we had neighbors that were classmates with our kids. We used to even take weekend trips together until the end of 4rd grade where our son told us the kid was basically bullying and harassing him.

They had moved away and asked about using our ADU for the kid's congressional internship over the summer. Told them to eff off.

You’re psychotic. You were super close with them, it turns out their 9 year old son was being mean to your 9 year old, they moved away and 10+ years later they reached out about their now grown son staying with you. And you told them to eff off? Former friends who were close enough to travel with? Because ten years ago, their 9 year old was a brat? Whats wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

I think this is an excellent way to learn a life lesson to always treat others kindly and woth respect. Nephew is old enough to know better than to brag like that, and now it is time for him to learn that actions have consequences. I would have no problem directly telling mom and sister that this will be a more valuable take away for him from this experience than doing the internship. Your first priority is to protect your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite him and EDUCATE him on his responses and general attitude. It's critical that he change, because otherwise he will be hated at work, and he won't be able to stay in relationships. You can tell him outright that you did not appreciate how he talked last time, and that you are happy to welcome him again, but that he needs to be careful not to hurt feelings like this.

Also, why are your nephew's parents not talking with you directly?

This. He can come IF he can be kinder to his cousin(s).

Umm, no. It's not OPs job to teach this kid kindness. Why should she be put out and risk her own kids' wellbeing when his parents clearly didn't bother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We let a friend’s daughter stay with us for 3 months in a similar situation. It was a bit inconvenient at times but not that big a deal. I would want my friends to do this for my kids if they were in this situation and I believe they would. Why don’t people help each other anymore?

Because life is very stressful and everyone feels maxxed out.

Also people aren't as connected as they were. My parents used to host my cousins for the summer, but they had a relationship with the kids' parents - there was no one volunteering them to do it without their consent.

And because people don't learn how to be polite anymore, so you can't count on appropriate behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to pay the rent then just offer that. Its a rock and a hard spot otherwise because obviously you need to prioritize your kids. But, if your nephew is working at a law firm maybe he'll work pretty long hours? He might not be around much. He might also mellow a bit with some gentle redirection like "that's lovely you got an A. we're proud of Larlo's hard work too. We're proud of both of you." And then talk about other things, and SHOW this kid that he is more than his grades to you.

It's tough being poor. On some level your nephew probably knows that if he isn't super successful at school he won't have the opportunities other kids (like yours) will have. Maybe that is why he's always talking about it? Maybe he feels subconsciously like he always has to be super smart otherwise he won't be accepted?

Agreed with this!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is an excellent way to learn a life lesson to always treat others kindly and woth respect. Nephew is old enough to know better than to brag like that, and now it is time for him to learn that actions have consequences. I would have no problem directly telling mom and sister that this will be a more valuable take away for him from this experience than doing the internship. Your first priority is to protect your own kids.

To brag like that? Men and boys brag and chide each other. Sports, girls, grades etc. She mentions one comment. Just seems totally extreme. I also think this activity is probably two weeks as an intro to the field and not the whole summer.