Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

[Anonymous]

So selfish. Of course you should let your nephew stay in your guest room. What is wrong with you?!?

[Anonymous]

I’d have your nephew stay. He is too young to stay in a strangers basement and this sounds like it could be a life changing opportunity. You can gently and politely provide feedback to him if he makes a comment that is hurtful. However, if your son is 16, this is also a good opportunity for him to learn skills for navigating conversations that make him feel badly. My son attends a school where his peers routinely outperform him and would make competitive comments even in very young grades. He learned to let it roll off him and developed some comebacks for when kids were extra annoying. Are there other more significant concerns?

[Anonymous]

So your kids come to you complaining about him? Or you’re projecting? Why can’t they just shrug it off. Honestly maybe he says he’s smart because that’s all he has. I mean can’t your kids just brag about themselves right back to him? I have older boys and there was always a lot of ribbing.

I feel like you’re being really petty. Maybe he would get along better with your family after hanging out with you. Maybe you could be a confidant of his and help him navigate the summer.

It’s fine to say no, of course, but be prepared for the consequences. They’re worth considering, and it sounds like there’s damage already done since you doth protest too much.

[Anonymous]

Cannot imagine saying no to this request even with the circumstances you describe. And a 16 yr old can’t rent a random basement alone.

[Anonymous]

I would invite him and EDUCATE him on his responses and general attitude. It's critical that he change, because otherwise he will be hated at work, and he won't be able to stay in relationships. You can tell him outright that you did not appreciate how he talked last time, and that you are happy to welcome him again, but that he needs to be careful not to hurt feelings like this.

Also, why are your nephew's parents not talking with you directly?

[Anonymous]

Invite him!!! Don’t be selfish. It’s not a year. It’s only a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would invite him and EDUCATE him on his responses and general attitude. It's critical that he change, because otherwise he will be hated at work, and he won't be able to stay in relationships. You can tell him outright that you did not appreciate how he talked last time, and that you are happy to welcome him again, but that he needs to be careful not to hurt feelings like this.

Also, why are your nephew's parents not talking with you directly?

Probably because they knew she’d react like this, and didn’t want to be disappointed and irritated.

[Anonymous]

With him not being diplomatic and you being hypersensitive, it feels like the whole family is socially awkward here. My husband and his family are on the spectrum, OP. Is your family on the spectrum, but any chance? There's always someone boasting, someone getting their feelings hurt, etc, in my husband's family.

Anyway, YOU are the adult and you need to model maturity and diplomacy. While he's under your roof, this is an opportunity to train some manners into him. You might need to be quite explicit to get through to him. Not nasty! But direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stand firm OP.

You don’t have to say yes to this and have gone out of your way to find other options for them.

+1
OP, you do not have to say yes unless you genuinely want to. Your nephew's housing is not your issue to solve and I am upset for you that your family expects it to be.
Would your nephew's parents return the favor if the roles were reversed? I am guessing not as they have not even communicated with you to express their needs and deep appreciation of your consideration for such a set up.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a massive overreaction on your part, OP. He’s not a bully, he’s just an arrogant teen. Maybe he feels insecure because your family is more successful. Of course you don’t deny your nephew a lifechanging opportunity or suggest a 16 year old live unsupervised. You have every right to set boundaries about acceptable behavior in your house, but this is not a good look for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not selfish. Your kids come first. FYI, I have worked in law firms my entire adult life and there are none that have ever hired a HS intern. He wouldn't be able to do much more than make copies, scans and deliver mail to employees. No 16 yr old would be trusted to do anything related to clients, they don't know how to research properly and it's not a good investment of time to teach them just for a summer.

Nobody in your family has ANY proof that this kid doing this internship would lead to a college scholarship. And he can get into law school based on his college GPA and LSAT scores - nobody will care about his summer job in HS by that time.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a massive overreaction on your part, OP. He’s not a bully, he’s just an arrogant teen. Maybe he feels insecure because your family is more successful. Of course you don’t deny your nephew a lifechanging opportunity or suggest a 16 year old live unsupervised. You have every right to set boundaries about acceptable behavior in your house, but this is not a good look for you.

+1
Unless there's a lot more to his behavior that you aren't sharing, this does feel like pretty selfish behavior on your part, OP.

[Anonymous]

What law firms offer scholarships? This sounds made up.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. You come off as pretty selfish. What you describe is lack of self awareness not bullying. I can’t imagine not letting my nephew stay with us if we could make it work. Do you have some larger issue with your sibling that’s causing you to be so against helping your nephew?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not selfish. Your kids come first. FYI, I have worked in law firms my entire adult life and there are none that have ever hired a HS intern. He wouldn't be able to do much more than make copies, scans and deliver mail to employees. No 16 yr old would be trusted to do anything related to clients, they don't know how to research properly and it's not a good investment of time to teach them just for a summer.

Nobody in your family has ANY proof that this kid doing this internship would lead to a college scholarship. And he can get into law school based on his college GPA and LSAT scores - nobody will care about his summer job in HS by that time.

This. I dunno what it is and how he came to be offered it, but it's not a real internship. Because no lawyer wants to babysit a teenager. And this would mean very little to any college or law school, because they know that.

Maybe you can tell them the weeks that work best for you, and have another family member babysit him in a hotel or Airbnb for the rest of the time. Since they think this is sooooo important, let them share the load.