Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is not a troll post, you are not a good person OP. Where I come from, we help our family when they need us, even if it is inconvenient at times. But, “boundaries”—right?

My family sounds like you. BUT whenever I've needed help . . . . Crickets. It's an easy thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Tough situation, but I think you might regret not hosting the 16 year old down the road. There are potentially a lot of teachable moments here, for your nephew and your kids, frankly.
FWIW, I have been in similar situations. While he sounds annoying, he’s still a kid. Think long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very odd that a law firm would offer an internship to a 16 year old.

I don't think it's that odd. There are all sorts of selective summer programs for outstanding students. There Re athletic ones too. I went to olympic training during the summers at 14 and lived in a dorm. This isn't that different. He's 16, not a baby.

No good law firm would even offer an internship to a college undergrad. Only law school level.

Hence, whatever firm is offering this internship.... is not going to be of any consequence to be "life changing".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What law firms offer scholarships? This sounds made up.

+1 Especially to 16 year olds. Summer long internship for a kid who is maybe a rising Junior in high school? I don't buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would invite him and EDUCATE him on his responses and general attitude. It's critical that he change, because otherwise he will be hated at work, and he won't be able to stay in relationships. You can tell him outright that you did not appreciate how he talked last time, and that you are happy to welcome him again, but that he needs to be careful not to hurt feelings like this.

Also, why are your nephew's parents not talking with you directly?

This. He can come IF he can be kinder to his cousin(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ice cold to have your 16 year old nephew stay elsewhere.

Agree. Also your kids need to gain some grit. I think the real issue is that you don’t want your kids to see how comparatively spoiled and delicate they are.

Making a 16-year-old nephew stay by himself in a basement so your children don’t have to experience a single negative emotion ever in their lives is horrifically bad parenting.

I couldn't disagree more.

DCUM is full of bad snowplow parents.

[Anonymous]

oh please, he is 16 years old. no law firm 6-8 years from now will care what anyone did for summer in high school. Instead, take him in senior college year to do it, or better, a summer in law school - if he ever goes

[Anonymous]

He is likely going spend the summer copying and filing.

[Anonymous]

We let a friend’s daughter stay with us for 3 months in a similar situation. It was a bit inconvenient at times but not that big a deal. I would want my friends to do this for my kids if they were in this situation and I believe they would. Why don’t people help each other anymore?

[Anonymous]

You would really be helping him and them out. Your husband is willing. You may have some great family memories with him. Just do it. It’s only 2-3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will get far more out of this program living in the programs housing which your mother should pay for since she’s looking to make this happen. Part of the value of these things is living independently with similar smart, motivated kids. Explain this to your rude mother.

No way would I do this in the situation you describe. Hosting a 16 year old means driving them around, feeding them, taking them on any of your vacation, weekend or whatever plans, juggling your kids activities with their activities etc. Does your mother expect you to get an extra car for the kid to use? Give them a hefty allowance for parking and or cover their parking tickets? Unless you live in safe walking distance to a metro area you the rude, bulky kid’s on call Uber?

Since the bully kid is so above every I’m sure your mother expects you to do his laundry, clean up after him and take him with you on all outings. Just no!

OP, will your nephew need assistance with transportation if he were to stay with you?
I am now not working -- lost job just recently -- and the added cost of one more person in the house (food, transportation, misc. needs) would not be something I would want to take on right now. Could I afford to? Probably but it would add financial stress to my family.

[Anonymous]

You guys are total jerks for not accommodating your nephew. Especially because he doesn't sound like an actually bad kid, just a teen who needs some help to grow into a good person. your protection of your own son seems a little over zealous for such a minor thing.

That said, the internship is BS and it's BS that an internship at a law firm at age 16 will have an ounce of difference in this kid's life.

- A lawyer

[Anonymous]

In my family this would be a yes. You are teaching your kids a lesson by saying no. They will grow up to say no to helping eachother just as you are.

He’s 16, op. He probably brags about grades because he knows he’s poorer and doesn’t have all the things your kids get. Explain to your kids that people who brag are actually insecure, how not to let it bother you, and come up with ways to change the dynamic. But you have to stop feeling threatened by your nephew and stop comparing him to your kids. There’s a lot of growth potential for all of you in saying yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We let a friend’s daughter stay with us for 3 months in a similar situation. It was a bit inconvenient at times but not that big a deal. I would want my friends to do this for my kids if they were in this situation and I believe they would. Why don’t people help each other anymore?

Because life is very stressful and everyone feels maxxed out.

Also people aren't as connected as they were. My parents used to host my cousins for the summer, but they had a relationship with the kids' parents - there was no one volunteering them to do it without their consent.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. This is my house, these are my children, and I don't need some arrogant twat around them. You did the right thing, OP. Stand your ground and protect your own.