I forgot my friend’s kid’s nut allergy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 11 year old with a peanut allergy. You remind the host before any party AND it’s on your kid to check and ask. My 11 year old and I still talk about this before a party or event even though she’s had the allergy her whole life and knows.

People with allergic children: You can’t rely on the world to keep your kid safe. It’s not their responsibility and it’s asking for trouble. Do it yourself.

Allergy parents have been described as helicopter micromanagers in this thread. The parent of the child with the nut allergy clearly parented well. She raised her son to politely decline. He kept himself safe. OP is the one posting and she’s embarrassed.

This worked out the way it was supposed to because the allergic child’s mother’s parenting was effective.

And that’s great. So therefore there’s no need for all of the ridiculous hand-wringing drama from (some) allergy parents in the rest of the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would blast you for encouraging tweens to mindlessly eat junky candy during a movie. What’s wrong with sliced fruit? Or heck even popcorn?

Nobody gives a thought to the diabetics at all.

You’re both ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP, my kid is 17 and has had nut allergies since he was a toddler. When he was younger, I trusted that in the homes of his closest friends (and I was also friends with the parents), he wouldn’t be served food with nuts. I would never have berated the parents of his friends had your scenario happened and I think that was a bad reaction by them, but I relate to the underlying fear which likely is where the reaction came from, and I wouldn’t trust your house to be a “safe space” any more and would have counseled my kid the same. (It’s really precious to have those few and far between out-of-our-own-home places where my kid can let their guard down about allergens.)

However, the reason I am replying is because it’s so obvious how you really feel by the comments about the kid’s mom (your “friend”) that you are passive-aggressively dropping into your posts. You don’t want to be burdened by having to keep track of her kid’s allergies and you are resentful and think food allergies are somewhat overblown. That’s fair, just be clear about it with this family so they know their kid needs to use the same vigilant practices in your house as they would in any restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing the candy was in a bag mixed in with some candies with nuts and some without handed out WHILE the kids were watching a movie. That is an easy time for a kid to let their guard down. You are engrossed in a movie you eat a plain chocolate candy think the bag is all plain chocolate and absentmindedly grab another one and eat it not realizing it has nuts.

Agreed. And eleven year old should read labels and have their epi pen etc etc., but they are still very much a kid.
OP made a mistake in that it was a dicey situation that could have easily been avoided. Maybe the other mom could have handled it better, but the OP needs to stop making excuses for herself.

In a dark room watching a movie with an open bowl of candy, a snickers feels the same as a Milky Way.

If one of those peanut filled/peanut butter filled candies was opened (which is common in the big bags of candy) and OP friends kid has a touch reaction, it was a situation that could go south very fast.

[Anonymous]

Stop beating yourself up. This kid is a year away from middle school and probably goes trick or treating without any parents, or soon will. He’s a little old to go home and go crying to a parent over this. At 11, he needs to triple check everything before eating it. And yes, my kid has an allergy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop beating yourself up. This kid is a year away from middle school and probably goes trick or treating without any parents, or soon will. He’s a little old to go home and go crying to a parent over this. At 11, he needs to triple check everything before eating it. And yes, my kid has an allergy too.

Weird, we tell our kids to tell us if they’re uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean he’s “crying”. Near misses aren’t fun for anyone, I wouldn’t want my kid to feel they had to cover up for an adults screwup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing the candy was in a bag mixed in with some candies with nuts and some without handed out WHILE the kids were watching a movie. That is an easy time for a kid to let their guard down. You are engrossed in a movie you eat a plain chocolate candy think the bag is all plain chocolate and absentmindedly grab another one and eat it not realizing it has nuts.

Agreed. And eleven year old should read labels and have their epi pen etc etc., but they are still very much a kid.
OP made a mistake in that it was a dicey situation that could have easily been avoided. Maybe the other mom could have handled it better, but the OP needs to stop making excuses for herself.

In a dark room watching a movie with an open bowl of candy, a snickers feels the same as a Milky Way.

If one of those peanut filled/peanut butter filled candies was opened (which is common in the big bags of candy) and OP friends kid has a touch reaction, it was a situation that could go south very fast.

But with his night vision goggles he had no problem. But keep inventing new angles to this non event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And that’s great. So therefore there’s no need for all of the ridiculous hand-wringing drama from (some) allergy parents in the rest of the thread.

Most of the hand-wringing is coming from non-allergy posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And that’s great. So therefore there’s no need for all of the ridiculous hand-wringing drama from (some) allergy parents in the rest of the thread.

Most of the hand-wringing is coming from non-allergy posters.

If the "dead body" poster is a non-allergy poster trying to be the best ally then you might be right. Not sure what other hand-wringing there is.

[Anonymous]

So much for it takes a community to raise a child.

Parents of kids with allergies cannot win. If we remind you, we are neurotic, annoying helicopter parents. If we don't, we have failed our kids. Our kids have to always be vigilant, because adults cannot be relied upon.

I wonder how many of you non-allergy parents have made excuses for your 11 year olds forgetting things (blah blah blah, he's still a kid). It's an endless double standard.

I taught my kids a long time ago to check everything or skip when in doubt, because no adults, even well-known ones, can be relied on. Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Even having nuts around can be problematic, so I get why the kid's mom freaked out. She thought this was safe. Nowhere is safe with kids when there are allergies like this. So everyone learned something. Now move on and do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing the candy was in a bag mixed in with some candies with nuts and some without handed out WHILE the kids were watching a movie. That is an easy time for a kid to let their guard down. You are engrossed in a movie you eat a plain chocolate candy think the bag is all plain chocolate and absentmindedly grab another one and eat it not realizing it has nuts.

Agreed. And eleven year old should read labels and have their epi pen etc etc., but they are still very much a kid.
OP made a mistake in that it was a dicey situation that could have easily been avoided. Maybe the other mom could have handled it better, but the OP needs to stop making excuses for herself.

She. Apologized. But the other mother wants a pound of flesh. I'd be done with that mom and kid. Too much trouble, too much entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing the candy was in a bag mixed in with some candies with nuts and some without handed out WHILE the kids were watching a movie. That is an easy time for a kid to let their guard down. You are engrossed in a movie you eat a plain chocolate candy think the bag is all plain chocolate and absentmindedly grab another one and eat it not realizing it has nuts.

Yeah, well, it's the kid's life, so it's the kid's job to be vigilant. No one else cares as much.

That’s a nasty attitude. One of my sons has a dear friend who is allergic to safflower oil. It’s a major pain because it is a common ingredient but it’s not one of the top allergens, so you have to carefully peruse ingredients- it’s not labeled like the common allergies. It takes quite a bit of time to work around. And I’m happy to do it because this is my kid’s friend, and I care about the friend, and it’s nice for the friend’s family to have another household they can trust and not to have to send a full set of foods for a sleepover or whatever. So many people are just selfish and mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he saw the candy, knew not to eat it, didn't eat it and went home to cry to Mommy that you had nuts in your house? This really happened?

I doubt the kid complained so much as mentioned his awareness. His mom went into fear mode reaction. It's understandable but probably not the best course of action and impossible to maintain through his life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

Not the same at all. A toddler can’t take any responsibility for themself. An 11 year old can and should. If your tween child has the capacity of a toddler, you’ve got more serious problems than an allergy. Amazing parenting. Slow clap.

My daughter could swim at 3. So at that point in your logic it would have been fine for her to have been left unattended by a pool?

Eleven is a child. When you have a child in your home, you’re responsible for their safety. This isn’t a grey area, this isn’t a matter of opinion, if something had happened to the child it would have been 100% OPs responsibility.

My child also could swim at three. I didn’t let her stay at the pool without an attentive adult at that age.
At 10, our pool lets kids stay without an adult if they pass a swim test. She passed and started going alone.
An 11 year old typically developed child ça and should handle their food allergies well enough to decline food that is not safe. Yes, even during a movie.