I forgot my friend’s kid’s nut allergy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

This. Totally different if you had mixed nuts into something you specifically served him and it wasn’t disclosed. That would require a big apology. What you did is no big deal

[Anonymous]

If the candy was wrapped and only some had nuts...???...shouldn't he have been fine just selecting the nut free ones? I mean yes ideally you would have gotten a fully nut free selection but I do not think you did anything dangerous for an 11 year old. He navigates situations with nuts all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the kid ate candy because there were nut-free, wrapped options.

If they were all mixed together in a bowl by a trusted adult, that’s a problem. Not a problem that OP should have gotten yelled at about, but still.

Why are wrapped candies in a bowl a problem?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has a severe allergy, so I think you can imagine how your friend feels when someone who should/does know about her child’s allergy, and is therefore “safe” to entrust her child with, unexpectedly puts her child in danger. Her reaction was likely due to fear and perhaps some trauma from a previous incident.

You apologized, she likely realizes it wasn’t intentional, and that should be the end of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the kid ate candy because there were nut-free, wrapped options.

If they were all mixed together in a bowl by a trusted adult, that’s a problem. Not a problem that OP should have gotten yelled at about, but still.

Why are wrapped candies in a bowl a problem?

Because when it’s a trusted adult, the kid probably feels like oh yay candy and might not be paying very close attention. Might not be putting together that some of them (not Snickers, but some of the “May Contain” ones) are unsafe. And then realizing is kind of scary when it’s a trusted adult or a grandparent who forgets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

OP here. It is true, but not difficult to understand if you know my friend. She’s very much a helicopter parent and there’s a lot of codependence and micromanaging. Still, she trusted me enough to remember something important, and I blew it.

Gee, do you think she’s micromanaging and helicopter-y because a lot of adults like you have “blown it” and act like it’s a “goof”?

Did helicopter mom tell OP that her house must be entirely nut free in order for her son to be there? That's an impossible standard for a house that isn't already nut free.

[Anonymous]

I am usually pretty chill when it comes to my son’s but allergy and I always think it is our responsibility to monitor it not other parents. My 13 year old usually finds it easier just not to eat anything at other people houses unless he is 100% sure. So yes he will have a slice of pizza but never baked goods, candy or even ice cream.

But in the situation you describe where kids are watching a movie and there is a bag of chocolates I would be pissed. Kids get distracted during movies and just glance down for a split second to unwrap chocolates and eat them. Chances are it was also dark during the movie.It makes it worse that you are familiar with his allergy and so maybe he could have let his guard down.

Peanut allergies are different than other food allergies where a child might get a stomach ache or diarrhea. A person can go into anaphylaxis where their tongue /throat swells, blood pressure drops and they stop breathing.

I probably too care free about my son’s nut allergy. I never care about people washing hands if they recently ate nuts, he didn’t sit at the nut free table, his siblings eat pb&j sandwiches next to him, etc. But wow even I would be pissed and not want him at your house ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the kid ate candy because there were nut-free, wrapped options.

If they were all mixed together in a bowl by a trusted adult, that’s a problem. Not a problem that OP should have gotten yelled at about, but still.

Why are wrapped candies in a bowl a problem?

Because when it’s a trusted adult, the kid probably feels like oh yay candy and might not be paying very close attention. Might not be putting together that some of them (not Snickers, but some of the “May Contain” ones) are unsafe. And then realizing is kind of scary when it’s a trusted adult or a grandparent who forgets.

Even the 11 yr isn't that dense. "Well it's Peanut M&Ms, but Mrs. OP is a trusted adult so must be ok in this case!" Said no 11yo nut allergy kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

OP here. It is true, but not difficult to understand if you know my friend. She’s very much a helicopter parent and there’s a lot of codependence and micromanaging. Still, she trusted me enough to remember something important, and I blew it.

Gee, do you think she’s micromanaging and helicopter-y because a lot of adults like you have “blown it” and act like it’s a “goof”?

Did helicopter mom tell OP that her house must be entirely nut free in order for her son to be there? That's an impossible standard for a house that isn't already nut free.

That’s not what it’s about. It’s very hard on a kid when a trusted adult or a grandparent/aunt/whomever—who has known about the allergy for years—“goofs.” It makes them feel unsafe with someone they are supposed to trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the kid ate candy because there were nut-free, wrapped options.

If they were all mixed together in a bowl by a trusted adult, that’s a problem. Not a problem that OP should have gotten yelled at about, but still.

Why are wrapped candies in a bowl a problem?

Because when it’s a trusted adult, the kid probably feels like oh yay candy and might not be paying very close attention. Might not be putting together that some of them (not Snickers, but some of the “May Contain” ones) are unsafe. And then realizing is kind of scary when it’s a trusted adult or a grandparent who forgets.

Even the 11 yr isn't that dense. "Well it's Peanut M&Ms, but Mrs. OP is a trusted adult so must be ok in this case!" Said no 11yo nut allergy kid.

Except not all of them are obvious. Tell me without looking: Does a Kit-Kat contain or may contain peanuts or tree nuts? Do plain M&Ms contain or may contain peanuts or tree nuts? Milky Way? Three Musketeers? Whoppers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the kid ate candy because there were nut-free, wrapped options.

If they were all mixed together in a bowl by a trusted adult, that’s a problem. Not a problem that OP should have gotten yelled at about, but still.

Why are wrapped candies in a bowl a problem?

Because when it’s a trusted adult, the kid probably feels like oh yay candy and might not be paying very close attention. Might not be putting together that some of them (not Snickers, but some of the “May Contain” ones) are unsafe. And then realizing is kind of scary when it’s a trusted adult or a grandparent who forgets.

Even the 11 yr isn't that dense. "Well it's Peanut M&Ms, but Mrs. OP is a trusted adult so must be ok in this case!" Said no 11yo nut allergy kid.

Except not all of them are obvious. Tell me without looking: Does a Kit-Kat contain or may contain peanuts or tree nuts? Do plain M&Ms contain or may contain peanuts or tree nuts? Milky Way? Three Musketeers? Whoppers?

This kid KNEW. He's the one with the allergy and needs to know. That's the point. Everyone else can't be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

OP here. It is true, but not difficult to understand if you know my friend. She’s very much a helicopter parent and there’s a lot of codependence and micromanaging. Still, she trusted me enough to remember something important, and I blew it.

Gee, do you think she’s micromanaging and helicopter-y because a lot of adults like you have “blown it” and act like it’s a “goof”?

Did helicopter mom tell OP that her house must be entirely nut free in order for her son to be there? That's an impossible standard for a house that isn't already nut free.

That’s not what it’s about. It’s very hard on a kid when a trusted adult or a grandparent/aunt/whomever—who has known about the allergy for years—“goofs.” It makes them feel unsafe with someone they are supposed to trust.

What is the rule that is supposed to followed exactly? What should everyone do to make it safe for a kid with a nut allergy to attend a party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And the kid ate candy because there were nut-free, wrapped options.

If they were all mixed together in a bowl by a trusted adult, that’s a problem. Not a problem that OP should have gotten yelled at about, but still.

Why are wrapped candies in a bowl a problem?

Because when it’s a trusted adult, the kid probably feels like oh yay candy and might not be paying very close attention. Might not be putting together that some of them (not Snickers, but some of the “May Contain” ones) are unsafe. And then realizing is kind of scary when it’s a trusted adult or a grandparent who forgets.

Even the 11 yr isn't that dense. "Well it's Peanut M&Ms, but Mrs. OP is a trusted adult so must be ok in this case!" Said no 11yo nut allergy kid.

Except not all of them are obvious. Tell me without looking: Does a Kit-Kat contain or may contain peanuts or tree nuts? Do plain M&Ms contain or may contain peanuts or tree nuts? Milky Way? Three Musketeers? Whoppers?

This kid KNEW. He's the one with the allergy and needs to know. That's the point. Everyone else can't be trusted.

Apparently OP can’t be trusted. And that’s upsetting for the kid and for the mom. OP should not have been yelled at, but she also should not be using the word “goof” in this situation. And my kids know to look at every label every time, even hot dog buns.

[Anonymous]

OP: I appreciate all the responses. My friend was more concerned that her son would have a reaction, either physical or psychological, if people were eating nuts near him, not that he would eat something he shouldn’t. I guess there’s more to this than simple ingestion. I’m learning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

OP here. It is true, but not difficult to understand if you know my friend. She’s very much a helicopter parent and there’s a lot of codependence and micromanaging. Still, she trusted me enough to remember something important, and I blew it.

Gee, do you think she’s micromanaging and helicopter-y because a lot of adults like you have “blown it” and act like it’s a “goof”?

Did helicopter mom tell OP that her house must be entirely nut free in order for her son to be there? That's an impossible standard for a house that isn't already nut free.

That’s not what it’s about. It’s very hard on a kid when a trusted adult or a grandparent/aunt/whomever—who has known about the allergy for years—“goofs.” It makes them feel unsafe with someone they are supposed to trust.

What is the rule that is supposed to followed exactly? What should everyone do to make it safe for a kid with a nut allergy to attend a party?

1) No unlabeled food; if you’re going to order pizza, order from somewhere that the parents can review the allergens, like Papa John’s instead of the local place with no unpublished info
2) Discussion with parents and kids beforehand
3) Every label checked by both a parent and by the kid
4) If there’s any question, you call the other parent—be ready to screen shot a label
5) Don’t mix/offer food together. Like no mixed candy in a bowl. Keep everything in separate bags, allergy kid and parent read the labels
6) Do not have an “there is an epi-pen here so it’s fine” attitude. A DOCTOR recently died at Disney even after an epi-pen was administered. An epi-pen does not = absolute safety.