I forgot my friend’s kid’s nut allergy
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Anonymous
I would have liked to but the parent didn't remind me, leave an epi-pen or ask what we were eating. Negligent parenting results in bad outcomes. |
Anonymous
So they deserve their kid to be a risk because they are negligent but also because they are helicopter parents or whatever you called them? |
Anonymous
I didn’t call them helicopters. And why would you care anyway? |
Anonymous
How far does that extend though? Many homes with no allergies are going to have traces of nuts. A door handle could have a little brother's sticky peanut butter hand print on it, a teen had a handful of nuts after practice and some of them touched the paper napkins on the counter. So what then? I don't know how people with allergies handle it. I'd be scared all the time if severely allergic. If less allergic, any cooking/food situation out of my control would still be terrifying. It means always hoping that someone down the line didn't mess up, like that poor girl on the plane with the sesame allergy to a sandwich that indicated NO sesame on it, or the doctor at Disney. |
Anonymous
Except the parent has told you multiple times in the past according to your version of the story, if you’re the OP. |
Anonymous
This isn’t an unknown allergy. This is an adult who has been told multiple times over the course of years that the child has an allergy. And unknown situation or a misplaced package or a broken EpiPen are all outside the bounds of reasonable. What OP says she did was hand a bowl of candy with an allergy she knew full well about to the allergic kid. |
Anonymous
All OP said was she knew, but hasn't seen them in awhile. I'm glad to know some allergy parents are so lackadaisical that their strategy to keep the kids safe is "we talked about it a long time ago, remember?" when things go sideways. |
Anonymous
I, for one, am scared all of the time. I watched my child almost die, even with an epi pen. It’s absolutely terrifying. That is why extending a little grace, understanding and kindness and god forbid trying to accommodate is so appreciated. But after reading all of these comments you see how people actually feel, I hope the allergy mom realizes her friendship with OP is over and sees her for who she is, not bc of the party but because of the presentation of this question. |
Anonymous
There is a contingent on DCUM who just hate kids with allergies. Jeff has been deleting the worst of their posts. In real life people are not like this, and the ones who are are too ashamed to say so. Please don’t let this color your perceptions of your community which is probably much more sane than people posting on the internet that they want children to die… |
Anonymous
| My son has a severe peanut allergy, and I remember that age so vividly because of something our allergist told us: "Remember, this is not everyone else's allergy, it's yours. The sooner you get in that mindset, the smoother it will be". She was so right. Your child needs to get in that habit NOW of never eating food unless he knows where every part of it came from. When in doubt, don't eat it. And no, it doesn't matter if he misses out on the treats at this age. He should get used to that feeling. He shouldn't assume everywhere he goes he will be fed, but instead prepare beforehand either bringing snacks or doing without. Again, this is the time he needs to learn this habit because it will only get harder as he ages up. Sorry he is going through this, but better to learn it now and get in good habits. |
Anonymous
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I also have a kid with severe food allergies. There is no way to know why OP’s friend did not bring up her kid’s allergy (again). This is on OP’s friend.
However, OP’s attitude screams a lot of negative feelings towards this “friend” and her friend’s child who has a life threatening health condition. I hope one of you will have the guts to cut the ties. This is not how adult friends behave. As for those of you who claim no big deal. Allergens are everywhere and exposure can happen even with the best precautions in this world. Both parents and kids who have these allergies are fully aware. It is all about minimizing the risks and differentiating between levels of potential danger in different environments. Having a bag of mixed candy is asking for trouble (broken/open pieces increasing the risk of ingredients directly on other candy and wrappers, child accidentally confusing two different types of candy, etc.). The kid knew to be careful, so someone taught him well. He was also disappointed that adults in his life didn’t think well enough about him in this situation (goes both to his own and his friend’s mom). I would never say a word to another parent who didn’t care enough, I would just adjust my and my child’s safety expectations around this person and family. But, I do see it as a lack of basic decency not to ask about allergies for any party regardless of age. I did this before having a child with allergies too. So, OP: count your lucky stars (if you care about the child who was left in your care) and don’t look for sympathy for your “goof”. And, cut off the “friend”. |
Anonymous
| You should stop being friends with her. |