How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss her still. I wonder if I should reach out each day. Not sure if she wants anything anymore. Def the love of my life.

How and why did it end?

[Anonymous]

newsflash it all ends badly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

I’m PP and I haven’t cheated. I have been cheated on and I have friends and family who have cheated.
If half the population does it, it is, in fact, “normal.” Whereas far less than 1% of the population commits murder. And 30% of women have an abortion. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don’t sound like you are able to bring a rational voice to this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:newsflash it all ends badly

Not always.

[Anonymous]

I know three people who are married to their APs and they’ve all been married now for more than 15 years and chances are most people didn’t know that the relationship started as an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

I never cheated. I’m just a logical person and understand the marriage is way more than just sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It ran its course and he suggested we go our own ways. It was an affair/friendship of over 20 years and was heartbreaking. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life but I also recognize it was time to finally move on. Biggest regret of my life.

I hate to tell you honey but you were not his only over for 20 years - he had others on the side.

Of course not! So did I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It ran its course and he suggested we go our own ways. It was an affair/friendship of over 20 years and was heartbreaking. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life but I also recognize it was time to finally move on. Biggest regret of my life.

I hate to tell you honey but you were not his only over for 20 years - he had others on the side.

Of course not! So did I.

20 years. Honest question, how and why can it be the “biggest regret of your life” when it lasted that long and you both had others? Regret on this board is usually tied to stupid meaningless flings that are discovered and blow things up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

It is kind of normal, and is even common. Many people cheat at some point in their life. Doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it is something that happens in many marriages.

You appear to have intense emotions involving someone cheating on a spouse. Comments like “trashcan of a human” and “”harmful people with deep pathology.”

In some cultures, cheating is even more common! Men typically have a mistress. Again, doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it can be common.

Personally, I have a problem with my spouse cheating on me, but I’m also just as bothered by other misdeeds.

I’d do some soul searching to figure out why you’re so angry and express such extreme statements. It’s not a good look and it’s likely causing you to not focus on other areas of a relationship.

Imagine being a person who not only excuses and justifies cheating, but tells people upset by it that "it's not a good look" and they should "do some soul searching to figure out why" they're "so angry".

Disgust at cheating isn't extreme. It's appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

I’m PP and I haven’t cheated. I have been cheated on and I have friends and family who have cheated.
If half the population does it, it is, in fact, “normal.” Whereas far less than 1% of the population commits murder. And 30% of women have an abortion. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don’t sound like you are able to bring a rational voice to this thread.

Imagine rationalizing cheating, and being smug to people whose basic human decency precludes them from participating in that mess.

No, I will never "normalize" cheating. Just because so many of you cheat doesn't make it normal. It makes cheaters jerks.

[Anonymous]

I moved on when I finally realized it was a dead end. It was 3 years of bliss but not realistic.

I eventually got married and had kids. We are actually friends now and meet up for lunch a few times a year. It’s been 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

I’m PP and I haven’t cheated. I have been cheated on and I have friends and family who have cheated.
If half the population does it, it is, in fact, “normal.” Whereas far less than 1% of the population commits murder. And 30% of women have an abortion. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don’t sound like you are able to bring a rational voice to this thread.

Imagine rationalizing cheating, and being smug to people whose basic human decency precludes them from participating in that mess.

No, I will never "normalize" cheating. Just because so many of you cheat doesn't make it normal. It makes cheaters jerks.

You’re right. Cheating is horrific and akin to murder. Cheaters should be given the electric chair.

There. Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

I’m PP and I haven’t cheated. I have been cheated on and I have friends and family who have cheated.
If half the population does it, it is, in fact, “normal.” Whereas far less than 1% of the population commits murder. And 30% of women have an abortion. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don’t sound like you are able to bring a rational voice to this thread.

Imagine rationalizing cheating, and being smug to people whose basic human decency precludes them from participating in that mess.

No, I will never "normalize" cheating. Just because so many of you cheat doesn't make it normal. It makes cheaters jerks.

You’re right. Cheating is horrific and akin to murder. Cheaters should be given the electric chair.

There. Is that what you want?

Dude, you have problems I can't fix. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Anonymous]

8 months in with an SDI that won’t clear.

[Anonymous]

It went from being fun and flirty and light to nothing but headgames and lies and nonsense. I found out he was married. He got really aggressive and nasty with me.

If I wanted to be miserable, I could have that.