I think I’m being taken advantage of and I want out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

People are different though. People often assume that all parents have the same capacity for things but they don't. Like OP this is something I could do in a pinch or for a month or two to help a friend through a transition period but I could not do permanently. This is because my spouse has a job that starts early in the morning and leaves before our kids are even up and I also have a SN kid who often needs extra help. I have our morning routine down pat and could adjust it to help someone out but it would not be a "small thing" -- it would be an imposition I'd be willing to take on to help someone who really needed it.

OP has not given any reason why this is burdensome. She’s just mad because somehow she’s “being taken advantage of.” Frankly, we all need to up what we are doing for our communities and be less selfish. When I saw the dramatic title of this thread I expected some life altering event. But no, OP just can’t take 5 minutes out of her day 3x a week without getting something.

I can tell you're a taker because you only credit OP with five minutes of the ten minute task. Hence, to you, it's not a big deal because you are devaluing her time even in your post.

~ someone who does a ton of carpooling and helping out three kid families

You’d be wrong. I’m the one with extra snacks, extra space in my car, at my table, a place to stay, and sometimes- gasp- money. I help anyone I can as much as I can. I’m so fortunate to have been able to stay at home with my kids, to have flexibility that many others don’t. I give because I believe it’s the right thing to do, and it feels good as well. Do some people “use” me? Probably. But I’d rather say yes to 10 who don’t really need help than deny one who does. I don’t believe you’re a helping person, because if you were, you wouldn’t even use the word TAKER. You would recognize that sometimes people have challenges, whether for a season or a long term, and life isn’t meant to be tit for tat. To whom much is given, much will be required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

One day OP’s kid will get sick and OP will not be driving to school and the other family will be mad that their free taxi service is unavailable. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

This is a big ask. It is a shit show getting out the door for just my own kids.

I absolutely would drive kid as a favor but not as a routine. Just say the mornings are hectic and you can’t do this.

I had an infant in a similar situation but I would walk to the bus stop and drive with infant in car. I, the mom, could do this easily. I would not expect this from my mom at all.

How does the preschool kid get to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

People are different though. People often assume that all parents have the same capacity for things but they don't. Like OP this is something I could do in a pinch or for a month or two to help a friend through a transition period but I could not do permanently. This is because my spouse has a job that starts early in the morning and leaves before our kids are even up and I also have a SN kid who often needs extra help. I have our morning routine down pat and could adjust it to help someone out but it would not be a "small thing" -- it would be an imposition I'd be willing to take on to help someone who really needed it.

OP has not given any reason why this is burdensome. She’s just mad because somehow she’s “being taken advantage of.” Frankly, we all need to up what we are doing for our communities and be less selfish. When I saw the dramatic title of this thread I expected some life altering event. But no, OP just can’t take 5 minutes out of her day 3x a week without getting something.

I can tell you're a taker because you only credit OP with five minutes of the ten minute task. Hence, to you, it's not a big deal because you are devaluing her time even in your post.

~ someone who does a ton of carpooling and helping out three kid families

You’d be wrong. I’m the one with extra snacks, extra space in my car, at my table, a place to stay, and sometimes- gasp- money. I help anyone I can as much as I can. I’m so fortunate to have been able to stay at home with my kids, to have flexibility that many others don’t. I give because I believe it’s the right thing to do, and it feels good as well. Do some people “use” me? Probably. But I’d rather say yes to 10 who don’t really need help than deny one who does. I don’t believe you’re a helping person, because if you were, you wouldn’t even use the word TAKER. You would recognize that sometimes people have challenges, whether for a season or a long term, and life isn’t meant to be tit for tat. To whom much is given, much will be required.

I don't tit for tat at all. I am very generous with my time, money, and try to build community. But it's not building community to pressure people into helping others when it ISN'T working for them.

[Anonymous]

Is the kid a walker? Is there a bus? How did the kid get to school last year?

I can totally understand helping out a new mom with a newborn. I would not be the permanent driver/childcare provider for a kid.

I actually stopped working with my third. The logistics were hard with 3 kids. My youngest is now in elementary and I have one in middle and high school. Logistics are still difficult. Working parents find a way. The parents need to pay for before care and drop off early or shift their schedules. Depending on neighbor is not the right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

People are different though. People often assume that all parents have the same capacity for things but they don't. Like OP this is something I could do in a pinch or for a month or two to help a friend through a transition period but I could not do permanently. This is because my spouse has a job that starts early in the morning and leaves before our kids are even up and I also have a SN kid who often needs extra help. I have our morning routine down pat and could adjust it to help someone out but it would not be a "small thing" -- it would be an imposition I'd be willing to take on to help someone who really needed it.

OP has not given any reason why this is burdensome. She’s just mad because somehow she’s “being taken advantage of.” Frankly, we all need to up what we are doing for our communities and be less selfish. When I saw the dramatic title of this thread I expected some life altering event. But no, OP just can’t take 5 minutes out of her day 3x a week without getting something.

I can tell you're a taker because you only credit OP with five minutes of the ten minute task. Hence, to you, it's not a big deal because you are devaluing her time even in your post.

~ someone who does a ton of carpooling and helping out three kid families

You’d be wrong. I’m the one with extra snacks, extra space in my car, at my table, a place to stay, and sometimes- gasp- money. I help anyone I can as much as I can. I’m so fortunate to have been able to stay at home with my kids, to have flexibility that many others don’t. I give because I believe it’s the right thing to do, and it feels good as well. Do some people “use” me? Probably. But I’d rather say yes to 10 who don’t really need help than deny one who does. I don’t believe you’re a helping person, because if you were, you wouldn’t even use the word TAKER. You would recognize that sometimes people have challenges, whether for a season or a long term, and life isn’t meant to be tit for tat. To whom much is given, much will be required.

DP

To whom much is given, much will be expected.

If being there to serve other families works for you, then that is wonderful, but it has little relevance regarding OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

That’s unfair. I don’t mind at all helping in a true emergency. This isn’t one.

One day you may need help too and this family might be in a position to help. But clearly you're finding it inconvenient so tell them your schedule has changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

That’s unfair. I don’t mind at all helping in a true emergency. This isn’t one.

One day you may need help too and this family might be in a position to help. But clearly you're finding it inconvenient so tell them your schedule has changed.

She may need that help someday.

That family will never be the one to actually help OP or another family, though. Come on sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind this at all if my kids were early risers and that 10 minutes wasn’t a “my kid could sleep more” issue. But carpooling is fun and you’re helping out a family who has a newborn….i don’t think 10 minutes is make or break.

This isn’t carpooling. This is OP acting as unpaid chauffeur three times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

I’m not seeing YOUR warm heart, only entitlement. No one owes you shit. Take care of your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would resent this too if there were no compensation or reciprocation.
A week or two fine. But if this is a long term thing she needs to pay you or get your kid twice a week.

yes exactly - have her get your kid the other two days. she should have offered that when asking for the favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

People are different though. People often assume that all parents have the same capacity for things but they don't. Like OP this is something I could do in a pinch or for a month or two to help a friend through a transition period but I could not do permanently. This is because my spouse has a job that starts early in the morning and leaves before our kids are even up and I also have a SN kid who often needs extra help. I have our morning routine down pat and could adjust it to help someone out but it would not be a "small thing" -- it would be an imposition I'd be willing to take on to help someone who really needed it.

OP has not given any reason why this is burdensome. She’s just mad because somehow she’s “being taken advantage of.” Frankly, we all need to up what we are doing for our communities and be less selfish. When I saw the dramatic title of this thread I expected some life altering event. But no, OP just can’t take 5 minutes out of her day 3x a week without getting something.

I can tell you're a taker because you only credit OP with five minutes of the ten minute task. Hence, to you, it's not a big deal because you are devaluing her time even in your post.

~ someone who does a ton of carpooling and helping out three kid families

You’d be wrong. I’m the one with extra snacks, extra space in my car, at my table, a place to stay, and sometimes- gasp- money. I help anyone I can as much as I can. I’m so fortunate to have been able to stay at home with my kids, to have flexibility that many others don’t. I give because I believe it’s the right thing to do, and it feels good as well. Do some people “use” me? Probably. But I’d rather say yes to 10 who don’t really need help than deny one who does. I don’t believe you’re a helping person, because if you were, you wouldn’t even use the word TAKER. You would recognize that sometimes people have challenges, whether for a season or a long term, and life isn’t meant to be tit for tat. To whom much is given, much will be required.

DP

To whom much is given, much will be expected.

Are you trying to argue translations here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

I’m not seeing YOUR warm heart, only entitlement. No one owes you shit. Take care of your own kids.

I’m taking care of mine and others as well. Not sure how you get entitlement from me saying it’s an automatic yes for me to do such a small thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound like a miserable misanthrope of a person. I can’t imagine not wanting to help a new mom. Maybe she imagines you will have a baby also soon and need help, who knows. But by all means, disabuse her of the notion that most fellow parents wouldn’t care about driving three blocks!!! Out of their way so their kid can ride to school with their friend. I would give zero thoughts about doing this, so I can’t help you. And I never ask for help myself. I just can’t fathom being this miserly. five minutes?!

Not OP but no. She is being taken advantage of.

Wholeheartedly agree with this!! OP, someone saw your good heart and is asking too much

Hard disagree. 5 minutes 3x a week? I’m not seeing the warm heart here. I would not even have to think about this, this is an automatic yes. It’s such a small thing for me and such an enormous help to another family.

One day OP’s kid will get sick and OP will not be driving to school and the other family will be mad that their free taxi service is unavailable. Ask me how I know.

Same here. I posted here years ago about it. I couldn’t make a pickup because of a family dinner on the other side of the city but I gave the family plenty of warning. The day of the family dinner, the other mom called me repeatedly, screamed at me, and even accused me of making up a fake dinner. I regret not making up an actual fake dinner long before that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

That’s unfair. I don’t mind at all helping in a true emergency. This isn’t one.

One day you may need help too and this family might be in a position to help. But clearly you're finding it inconvenient so tell them your schedule has changed.

She may need that help someday.

That family will never be the one to actually help OP or another family, though. Come on sweetie.

Ok, since you anonymous internet poster can predict the actions of all people through your magic powers of the thread, I guess there's no more need to discuss this. People have different cycles of life and that their interactions with you can change over time. For example, a few years ago, I felt my neighbors who had many kids with two working parents were taking advantage of me being home on maternity leave and always sending their kids over. But now, I'm off maternity leave, and their kids are older and need less support and of late, they've helped me out more than I've helped them.