I think I’m being taken advantage of and I want out

[Anonymous]

A friend of DS6, whom he met in K, has an infant sibling. The parents work (mom only part-time) but have a grandma who watches the infant (and another preschool-aged sibling) during the day when mom isn’t home. It’s been three days a week. Before school started, the mom asked me if I would mind picking up her son on the days she works and grandma is there, because the infant is still sleeping at school drop-off time. It takes me three blocks out of my way and only around five minutes, but it’s still something I have to factor into my morning time-wise and I do allow myself an extra 10 minutes, just in case. The first week, grandma would come out and get the boy in the car and was very thankful. But last week and now today, grandma sent him out himself while holding the clearly awake and happy infant, and no one looks frazzled in the least.

I get it. It’s easier for me to swing by and grab the kid than it is for grandma to get three kids into the car. But I find myself growing resentful. How hard would it have been to just ask if I’d still mind? Clearly the baby isn’t sleeping. This is a convenience framed as something else. I keep thinking about how “convenient” it would be to have that extra ten minute buffer in the morning.

I have no idea what to do, but I worry the resentment will only increase as the year goes on. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

If you're resentful then tell her your schedule has changed and you can no longer do it. They will figure something else out.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're resentful then tell her your schedule has changed and you can no longer do it. They will figure something else out.

This. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

That’s unfair. I don’t mind at all helping in a true emergency. This isn’t one.

[Anonymous]

Three blocks does not equal 10 minutes. The fact that you are exaggerating means you don’t want to do this. So tell them that you can no longer make this work. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean would you still mind doing this even though the baby isn’t sleeping at that time in the morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

That’s unfair. I don’t mind at all helping in a true emergency. This isn’t one.

You mind helping. So don’t help. Don’t ever ask for help, either. The helper may not think it’s a true emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind at all, but you do. So don’t do it. I would simply assume someday I may need help car pooling or whatever. But, petty is as petty does.

That’s unfair. I don’t mind at all helping in a true emergency. This isn’t one.

But you originally agreed to help when there was a true emergency?

[Anonymous]

What was the emergency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're resentful then tell her your schedule has changed and you can no longer do it. They will figure something else out.

This. Or if there's some way they can help you in return ask for that so there's more a sense of give-and-take. I don't get resentful helping true friends where there's a mutual relationship. I wouldn't be willing to go out of my way for someone who is only taking.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t mind helping sometimes but not the getting sucked into a routine part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t mind helping sometimes but not the getting sucked into a routine part.

Say that when you agree to help. Clear is kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three blocks does not equal 10 minutes. The fact that you are exaggerating means you don’t want to do this. So tell them that you can no longer make this work. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

I said it takes five, but I allow for 10 since I’m going out of my way and have to traverse a major intersection near the school. I don’t want the kids to be late.

[Anonymous]

I would resent this too if there were no compensation or reciprocation.
A week or two fine. But if this is a long term thing she needs to pay you or get your kid twice a week.