It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If parenting was so great, evolution wouldn't have made sex feel good. Everyone would naturally seek out sex because they are desperate to be parents.

For much of human history sex has been design to NOT be pleasurable to women but women still wanted kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would express fake envy to make you feel better. I get that not having kids is easier, but life would have a pointlessness to it. Extremely glad I have my sometimes difficult and annoying children.

Is replicating your genes the ultimate purpose of your whole life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:G.d. This is a mean bunch of women.

Are you new here?

People who call the board when MULTIPLE posters say the same thing basically do not like that the tone of the board is unvarnished honesty without all the real world social niceties mixed in.

Yes occasionally a single poster will be gratuitously mean. But if you are hearing the same thing from multiple people - it’s honesty nor meanness you’re getting.

This is the truth regardless of the subject
People feel more able to speak their honest thoughts and opinions on an anonymous board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If parenting was so great, evolution wouldn't have made sex feel good. Everyone would naturally seek out sex because they are desperate to be parents.

For much of human history sex has been design to NOT be pleasurable to women but women still wanted kids.

Also if the only reason anyone ever had kids was because sex felt good, explain IVF and other fertility treatments (some of which are incredibly unpleasant and even painful and can be very expensive) or people who choose to adopt. Also explain why people who have very difficult pregnancies ever have additional children.

Wanting children is an extremely normal thing. I'm totally fine with anyone who decides the don't want kids (I don't care what other people do) but the idea that people have to be coerced into having families with the promise of, what, a few minutes of pleasure? Which winds up not even being pleasurable for a huge number of women throughout history because sexual pleasure in women was/is considered dangerous and suspect? This is a dumb take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

Same here. Sorry, OP.
You need to read between the lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:G.d. This is a mean bunch of women.

Not really. They are so good at it they have managed to fool people like OP. They keep their true opinions to themselves, as they should. But if you ask anonymously, people will tell you what they really think.

DP and yes really. So many awful responses. So many awful people. Good at what? Being a fake jerk?

I do not understand why so many people feel the need in a conversation to say fake things. If someone talks about their vacation, why not just say, that sounds wonderful. Ask details about the trip that interest you. Why on earth would you bring your children into it? Why on earth would you ever fake envy?

DCUM proves that once again, on the inside, most people are unkind.

You misunderstand. People are saying they fake envy in order to make the other person feel good. Feeling envied can be a nice feeling -- it's validating. If someone is boasting about their big vacation plans and I suspect that they need to feel validated for that, I might say "oooh, I'm so jealous! That sounds amazing, I wish I could do that!" Even if I'm totally happy in my life. I assume the reason they are going on and on about this vacation or bragging about it is that they feel insecure about it somehow and need some validation.

It is fake but it's not meant to be mean or unkind. I'm a believer in giving people what they ask for when it comes to emotional needs. Generally I find it helps people to feel more comfortable and then everyone gets along better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might say something like this without meaning it, because secretly I feel sorry for you and your empty life.

+1

This! Most of my childless friends DEEPLY want children and it hasn't happened for them for various reasons. I know this is not universally true, but I subconsciously think most people regret not having kids at some point. So, I'm actually likely to try to bolster your situation by making an off the cuff remark like this. I'm sure many poster are going to attack me for this - I feel sorry for them too. Vehemently defending their "choice" is very telling.

[Anonymous]

I work in an area where we work with seniors primarily in their 70s and 80s. Married seniors, single seniors, widowed seniors, seniors with kids, seniors without kids.

Without exception it is the childless seniors that seem to be the least settled. I won't go as far as saying that the childless seniors seem the least happy, but it would not be a stretch either.
They just seem unsettled and not content about their lives. I see this over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When people say this, they’re usually just messing with you or preemptively trying to make you feel better about your childlessness. No one actually thinks you did it right. The friend you mentioned with the disabled son just sounds like a loser though.

It's definitely this. People don't know what else to say and are trying to find something nice so they settle on expressing fake envy. But they wouldn't trade places for anything.

+1
I get so tired from parenting my kids BUT I would literally die for them I love them so much.
I can not imagine living a life without children and feel so incredibly fortunate that I was able to have mine.

+1 it is so stressful but they are your pride and joy!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When people say this, they’re usually just messing with you or preemptively trying to make you feel better about your childlessness. No one actually thinks you did it right. The friend you mentioned with the disabled son just sounds like a loser though.

It's definitely this. People don't know what else to say and are trying to find something nice so they settle on expressing fake envy. But they wouldn't trade places for anything.

+1
I get so tired from parenting my kids BUT I would literally die for them I love them so much.
I can not imagine living a life without children and feel so incredibly fortunate that I was able to have mine.

+1 it is so stressful but they are your pride and joy!!!

It can be the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I can't imagine a life without all the ups and downs, a roller coaster. Otherwise it would be like Groundhog Day where every day is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

The funniest part will be when the so called meaning of your life abandons you in old age and you die alone because everyone hates you for the lowlife, terrible parent that you probably are. Your kids secretly hate you and would love nothing better than to cutoff all ties.

So true unfortunately!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I think people are being too harsh with OP. I think there are indeed people who regret having kids or at least the hard parts of having them. Sometimes, it's a temporary blip but sometimes longer. When they say these things to you, you could ask them, "Really? Why do you say that?" out of genuine curiosity. Or maybe just chuckle and say, "Yes, being DINKS has its perks!"

There is more than a whiff of judgment in OPs post about producing humans without much care or thought. People are setting the record straight and it seems to be pretty universal that nobody actually regrets parenting, they just say something nice so OP doesn't feel like they're missing out.

+1
I hope that OP is reading this thread and realizing that perhaps that person at work was just being nice in reacting as she did. When the majority of the population has children, logic dictates that there must be some pretty good reasons for their doing so!

Nope. Sheep follow sheep without much thought. When seeing couples decide to do something different and happy about it the sheep get triggered. Mob mentality. Good luck with your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for people without children. I really do. But I will never ever reveal my thoughts in any way. Instead, I will say something like, "oh wow, I wish we could just head off to Europe like you" but know that I am just blowing smoke up your a-s trying to make you feel good. Inside I feel pity for you.

The funniest part will be when the so called meaning of your life abandons you in old age and you die alone because everyone hates you for the lowlife, terrible parent that you probably are. Your kids secretly hate you and would love nothing better than to cutoff all ties.

So true unfortunately!

So you all didn't become parents because you know you would be terrible at it? Definitely a wise move to not have kids knowing you would have failed miserably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for you. At the end of your life what will you have? Sure a fancy car and vacations are nice. But truly you will have no one in the end. I visit my parents every day in their "fancy" nursing home. Those without kids are abused and left alone.

The majority of old folks in nursing homes that do not get visits do have kids. Kids don’t visit. Nice try though.

[Anonymous]

Google “regret motherhood “ and your theories will be defunct.