37 single, want a baby, make about 95k a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am single, newly 37, want kids, never married. What advice would you give me?

I am not speaking from experience but maybe be a foster parent first.

Then if that goes okay adopt a child that is 4 yo or older.

I am speaking from experience and foster kids are so much harder. I wouldn't start there - it's not like fostering a dog where you try it out to see if you want to keep doing it. A sperm donor is a much easier route to to. You can do this OP. If you can muddle through those first year with the day care costs, you will be fine. But you can find a cheaper in home daycare option, or even maybe an au pair (like a single mom I know did). Those first years will be tough but it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SMBC. I had a slightly higher salary/retirement savings than you, but you can substitute other resources for cash if available. It's easier if
1) You get everything delivered. This usually isn't that expensive.
2) You live in DC, where free pre-school starts at age 3. You still have to pay for summer childcare, but my childcare expenses were halved.
3) You have family nearby for emergency care.(I didn't have this, so had to hire the odd sitter in emergencies).
4) Keep housing/transport expenses as low as possible.
5) Look for daycare centers that have space in churches or offices. They usually have lower fees, as their rent is low. In-home care is even lower cost.
6) Stick to one kid. Most of my married-with-two-kids friends are more frazzled than I am, due to the sheer number of potential scheduling conflicts. (Interestingly, a lot of energy goes into dealing with their husbands' families).

Becoming a parent is the best thing I ever did, conjunctivitis notwithstanding.

While this may be better for the would be parent, as the only child of a financially unstable single mother it is an incredibly depressing and stressful situation to be forced into, which I privately greatly resent and would seek to avoid inflicting upon others at all costs.

[Anonymous]

That may be but the answer to financial instability isn’t to have more kids. I’m the single mom of one and NFW could I have handled two or more.

[Anonymous]

You don’t always get what you want OP. millennials don’t seem to understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t always get what you want OP. millennials don’t seem to understand this.

You’re so patronizing. I’m pretty sure that OP gets that perfectly clearly. I’m guessing like most people, she’d rather be rich and happily married, but she’s not. That doesn’t mean she can’t have a baby on her own, if she so chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That may be but the answer to financial instability isn’t to have more kids. I’m the single mom of one and NFW could I have handled two or more.

Be that as it may, I’m talking about what would be better for the children.

[Anonymous]

The cheapest way to do this would be the old fashioned one night stand during your most fertile time OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That may be but the answer to financial instability isn’t to have more kids. I’m the single mom of one and NFW could I have handled two or more.

Be that as it may, I’m talking about what would be better for the children.

Why is it better for kids to have an even more financially stressed parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it.ii was you 5 years ago. I let myself be talked out of it and be talked into trying to get a husband/ father.



5 years later no husband and no child and now at 42 it's too late.

Do IVF. I know people who have had kids without it 40-45. It is not too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it your own. Raising a child is not easy w/a partner, much more difficult without one. This is coming from a divorced mom of one.

Also, if you go are thinking of going the sperm donor route, please consider how the child will feel abt your choice to not raise a child with a father. The early years may be okay, but things could go real left for you once middle school and beyond hits.

PP here. I was a "married single mom." Don't assume marriage means help with kids. I am divorced with two kids. Parenting is no different than it was when I was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That may be but the answer to financial instability isn’t to have more kids. I’m the single mom of one and NFW could I have handled two or more.

Be that as it may, I’m talking about what would be better for the children.

Why is it better for kids to have an even more financially stressed parent?

It’s better for the children to have someone to share the burden and not have a single mom who is solely dependent on them both in her old age and often as lines tend to get blurred even when they are young.

[Anonymous]

I adopted my daughter internationally 20years ago when I too was 37. I have loved every minute of it. I made about the same as OP (adjusted). I started planning at 30. I worked 2 jobs and the 2nd job paid cash. Plus, I always had a housemate and she paid me cash too. I had this money stashed away, so I never worried about finances.

My parents were skeptical but the first time they met their granddaughter they loved her. My mom actually cried. My dad secretly gave me two thousand dollars;i guess that was his version of crying.

My baby girl and I have lived a middle/middle class life (I'm a teacher) and my friends and family and coworkers and neighbors seemed to want to give me anything I needed (lightly used, of course.)

I will inherit a small amount from my parents, plus I have my teachers retirement. I have never felt real stress like others talk about on this forum.

I would encourage anyone considering single mom-hood ( I joined SCBC early on) to focus on extra-income measures asap. That has made all the difference in my comfort level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That may be but the answer to financial instability isn’t to have more kids. I’m the single mom of one and NFW could I have handled two or more.

Be that as it may, I’m talking about what would be better for the children.

You are myopically focused on your current needs without giving any thought to what a sh*tshow it would have been during your childhood. You could have been homeless or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That may be but the answer to financial instability isn’t to have more kids. I’m the single mom of one and NFW could I have handled two or more.

Be that as it may, I’m talking about what would be better for the children.

Why is it better for kids to have an even more financially stressed parent?

It’s better for the children to have someone to share the burden and not have a single mom who is solely dependent on them both in her old age and often as lines tend to get blurred even when they are young.

I’m sorry for what happened to you but it seems to have stunted you emotionally because these answers are obtuse.

[Anonymous]

I always thought I'd have a kid on my own if things didn't work out with a man. But now that I have two kids of my own, I realize there is zero way I could do this on my own. I mean, if you have a sister or mother or grandmother or ideally all three right near you and they are on board for making a strong village for you, maybe go for it. But parenting is hard enough when there are two capable adults.