37 single, want a baby, make about 95k a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35k 401k
150 equity
20k savings

Hell no. You are too poor. You will seriously struggle.

Typical DCUM brain rot. The median household income in DC is 101k. OPs 95k is within the average range. She's got more savings than the average person. You guys are really out of touch.

But that typical HhI typically involved two working adults or one working adult and a SAHP. There is no backup in OPs system and not enough money to swing it all.

Who do you think takes care of the child when both adults are working?

First of all it’s unlikely that a two adult house with a total HHI of 95-100k in this are would be structured with both adults working conventional full time hours and paying the resulting ~24k/year+ for childcare.

At minimum many 2 adult households can structure their schedules to avoid having to pay for extended care throughout the daycare/elementary years and alternate taking time off for sick days, daycare/school closures, etc

You'd be surprised at how many adults make 60k or less. Plenty of households with two adults making around 50k each, 60k/40k or any similar combination. Many of these jobs have hectic schedules and you're expected to work at times when daycare isn't available.

Don't forget that outside DCUMland a job paying 95K is likely a white collar office job with mat leave and work from home option, so her daycare spending might not be that high.

[Anonymous]

Make an appointment with an IVF doctor, arrange for a sperm donor (anonymous) and immediately create embryos (don't just freeze your eggs.). At 37 literally every day matters. Do it immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35k 401k
150 equity
20k savings

Hell no. You are too poor. You will seriously struggle.

Typical DCUM brain rot. The median household income in DC is 101k. OPs 95k is within the average range. She's got more savings than the average person. You guys are really out of touch.

But that typical HhI typically involved two working adults or one working adult and a SAHP. There is no backup in OPs system and not enough money to swing it all.

Who do you think takes care of the child when both adults are working?

First of all it’s unlikely that a two adult house with a total HHI of 95-100k in this are would be structured with both adults working conventional full time hours and paying the resulting ~24k/year+ for childcare.

At minimum many 2 adult households can structure their schedules to avoid having to pay for extended care throughout the daycare/elementary years and alternate taking time off for sick days, daycare/school closures, etc

You'd be surprised at how many adults make 60k or less. Plenty of households with two adults making around 50k each, 60k/40k or any similar combination. Many of these jobs have hectic schedules and you're expected to work at times when daycare isn't available.

Don't forget that outside DCUMland a job paying 95K is likely a white collar office job with mat leave and work from home option, so her daycare spending might not be that high.

Right that’s the point- In this scenario one of two people making 40-50 k is often working nights, weekend shifts etc, negating the need to spend almost half of the net HHI on childcare.

And a work from home option doesn’t mean you can simultaneously care for an infant/toddler without childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35k 401k
150 equity
20k savings

Hell no. You are too poor. You will seriously struggle.

Typical DCUM brain rot. The median household income in DC is 101k. OPs 95k is within the average range. She's got more savings than the average person. You guys are really out of touch.

But that typical HhI typically involved two working adults or one working adult and a SAHP. There is no backup in OPs system and not enough money to swing it all.

Who do you think takes care of the child when both adults are working?

First of all it’s unlikely that a two adult house with a total HHI of 95-100k in this are would be structured with both adults working conventional full time hours and paying the resulting ~24k/year+ for childcare.

At minimum many 2 adult households can structure their schedules to avoid having to pay for extended care throughout the daycare/elementary years and alternate taking time off for sick days, daycare/school closures, etc

You'd be surprised at how many adults make 60k or less. Plenty of households with two adults making around 50k each, 60k/40k or any similar combination. Many of these jobs have hectic schedules and you're expected to work at times when daycare isn't available.

Don't forget that outside DCUMland a job paying 95K is likely a white collar office job with mat leave and work from home option, so her daycare spending might not be that high.

Right that’s the point- In this scenario one of two people making 40-50 k is often working nights, weekend shifts etc, negating the need to spend almost half of the net HHI on childcare.

And a work from home option doesn’t mean you can simultaneously care for an infant/toddler without childcare.

Many of these jobs don't have regular schedules and you have very little power over when your shift happens. Sometimes both parents end up working weekends, or nights, or afternoons. That's my point.

[Anonymous]

This woman in now way has the resources needed to be a stable SMBC. She is entirely dependent for security on the relatively low income she would jeopardize by having a baby alone, and even then more than half her take home pay would be devoured by daycare or a nanny for her to work full time before housing costs. She can’t afford it, no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it.ii was you 5 years ago. I let myself be talked out of it and be talked into trying to get a husband/ father.



5 years later no husband and no child and now at 42 it's too late.

why 42 is too late?

[Anonymous]

Don't do it your own. Raising a child is not easy w/a partner, much more difficult without one. This is coming from a divorced mom of one.

Also, if you go are thinking of going the sperm donor route, please consider how the child will feel abt your choice to not raise a child with a father. The early years may be okay, but things could go real left for you once middle school and beyond hits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have family close by to help you?

Daycare in the city $2k monthly
Diapers & wipes $100 monthly
Formula $150 monthly
increase to health care $70

If you’re willing to go the sperm donor route, just be ready for the additional costs it’ll bring you.
If you have family near by then start to come up with a plan for them to help out.

If they live further away, consider moving closer to them.

Breastfeeding is cheaper than formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it your own. Raising a child is not easy w/a partner, much more difficult without one. This is coming from a divorced mom of one.

Also, if you go are thinking of going the sperm donor route, please consider how the child will feel abt your choice to not raise a child with a father. The early years may be okay, but things could go real left for you once middle school and beyond hits.

You’re coming from the place of a divorced mom who had a bad marriage and has to deal with custody issues. It’s much easier to raise a child on your own than with a husband you end up divorcing. You’re not fighting with anyone. You don’t resent anyone, etc. You’re also not deluding yourself that at least your kid has a father figure every time you’re forced to interact with that ex when really you wish he would just disappear.

As for the child potentially being upset about having a sperm donor, that’s possible, but the same could be said for your child being upset with you down the road for getting a divorce or not giving him or her a sibling or for dating some guy he or she doesn’t like, etc. Some kids are grateful and happy and some aren’t. You don’t know which kind you’ll have, no one does.

Why are you allowed to make mistakes, but suggest a higher standard for OP?

The OP isn’t rich, but $95,000/year with one kid is very doable. Many children with two parents survive on much less.

[Anonymous]

My advice, do not do it. I love my kids, being a single mom sux, and I had more money than you AND helpful relatives nearby. It was still awful, awful, awful. Save all your money and travel or take in foster kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice, do not do it. I love my kids, being a single mom sux, and I had more money than you AND helpful relatives nearby. It was still awful, awful, awful. Save all your money and travel or take in foster kids.

Why did you have more than one if it was so awful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am single, newly 37, want kids, never married. What advice would you give me?

I am not speaking from experience but maybe be a foster parent first.

Then if that goes okay adopt a child that is 4 yo or older.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to make way more money, have way more savings, move to a lower COL area, and/or live somewhere she has an excellent support system.

Agree you should use a donor and freeze embryos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am single, newly 37, want kids, never married. What advice would you give me?

I am not speaking from experience but maybe be a foster parent first.

Then if that goes okay adopt a child that is 4 yo or older.

Why would you offer this advice? Foster kids are usually traumatized and have way more issues and are much harder to raise than a much wanted biological baby.

It’s not OP’s duty to rescue other people’s children. She’s allowed to have her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have family close by to help you?

Daycare in the city $2k monthly
Diapers & wipes $100 monthly
Formula $150 monthly
increase to health care $70

If you’re willing to go the sperm donor route, just be ready for the additional costs it’ll bring you.
If you have family near by then start to come up with a plan for them to help out.

If they live further away, consider moving closer to them.

Breastfeeding is cheaper than formula.

But also often not feasible for many to sustain, especially if working full time and trying to pump