37 single, want a baby, make about 95k a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am single, newly 37, want kids, never married. What advice would you give me?

Irresponsible to have a child without a committed partner and it is grossly unfair to a child.

Tell that to my thriving daughter who is cherished and loved.
-- single adoptive mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to find a partner with the same values and goals

This. Don’t take shortcuts. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have family that can help out (siblings, youngish parents, etc…If so then go for it.

This is unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:35k 401k
150 equity
20k savings

You cannot afford the have a baby on your own m, that is a choice only rich people make. If you do this you and the baby will be poor forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a low pressure job and apply for benefits like housing, food stamps, WIC etc
But have cash saved up. I think they don’t even punish for assets nowadays.

Terrible advice. All government help would come to less than what you're making right now. If fact, it's quite possible that you won't even qualify for much of it.

But she will have less work and will be able to stay home with baby and then get daycare subsidies etc
It’s best to have a partner but she has savings which is ok too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but the baby stage is the pricey but it does not get easier. My two kids are in sports and activities that cost $10k a year. Think wisely. They might love expensive hobbies and are very happy doing them so yu should plan for that. Also, private schools. Then, we take world vacations at about $28k a year, and then there is college. My 17 yo can expect to amass a price tag of $180 - 200k in the next 4 years. Then there is clothes, food, and all of the other daily stuff. My teen got a $20k car for her birthday too. I am married and have an income double yours alone. And, we plan and budget accordingly. I would be very careful. I see a lot of single Mom's really struggling to provide everything.

It’s because your earn too much. If she is low income she can get scholarships for recreation classes (and find a way if the kid is actually good at smth) and get fin aid for college
Her kid might even be accepted over yours as a low income diversity admit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but the baby stage is the pricey but it does not get easier. My two kids are in sports and activities that cost $10k a year. Think wisely. They might love expensive hobbies and are very happy doing them so yu should plan for that. Also, private schools. Then, we take world vacations at about $28k a year, and then there is college. My 17 yo can expect to amass a price tag of $180 - 200k in the next 4 years. Then there is clothes, food, and all of the other daily stuff. My teen got a $20k car for her birthday too. I am married and have an income double yours alone. And, we plan and budget accordingly. I would be very careful. I see a lot of single Mom's really struggling to provide everything.

I am foreign born, grew up in a household of a poor single mom in a tiny apartment. Began working at 16 and didn’t speak a word of English until 21. Went to a public school, got my bachelors and grad degrees on scholarships. By age 27 I was making 85k a year; 400k/year by age 40. I started driving at 34, after my net worth was at $1mm. I never had expensive hobbies as a child but I ski, play tennis and sky drive as adult

Kids don’t need a $2mm house or private schools to grow up successful functional adults. They just need educated, smart parent(s) and a loving environment. OP can grow a heathy well adjusted child on her own. Or she can rush into marriage and completely destroy her child psychologically in divorce with some jerk.

Another immigrant here and I agree. It’s better to raise a kid in very modest conditions than not have a kid or ruin their life over some American notion of fighting for custody.
It’s better to have parents who are not useless but it’s a luxury nowadays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to find a partner with the same values and goals

This. Don’t take shortcuts. You can do this.

She is almost out of time
If she couldn’t find anyone until now why would she now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:35k 401k
150 equity
20k savings

If you are this behind on retirement savings without any child related costs how do you plan to get on track to fund your retirement while taking on the additional enormous expense of raising a kid?

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about co-parenting with a sperm donor? You wouldn't have to bear the financial load alone. https://www.co-parentmatch.com/co-parent.aspx

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to find a partner with the same values and goals

This. Don’t take shortcuts. You can do this.

She is almost out of time
If she couldn’t find anyone until now why would she now?

What age is the age she can't have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is not the place for this question and skews very socially conservative plus wealthy. Find some single mom by choice groups locally and reach out to them. I am not a SMBC but have two friends who are and these groups seem very supportive and tight. They're always trading childcare in a way I'm frankly envious of and really rely on each other. On its face, 95k sounds lower than my friends, but I am sure it can be done.

I would like to know of these groups as well. I'm 42 and trying to have a baby on my own.

[Anonymous]

It’s not always easy, but having a child on my own (with an anonymous sperm donor) is the best thing I ever did. That being said, my family was extremely supportive and helpful. And I was divorced, so I never had any “what if I’d just kept dating and met a good man” type feelings. No man at all was significantly better than my ex-husband. I thank my lucky stars I don’t have to deal with custody issues with him.

Also, if you want to be a mom, I don’t recommend freezing your eggs because frozen eggs are not a guarantee. They’re more fragile than embryos and embryos are pretty fragile. Plus, 37 is already pushing it age wise. Kids take a lot of energy. I would not want a newborn at 50, even if it were a nonissue fertility wise.

I have many regrets in life, but going for it and having a child on my own is most certainly not one of them. Best decision ever!

[Anonymous]

Having a baby on your own is a privilege not a right. For that matter so is having a baby even if you have a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but the baby stage is the pricey but it does not get easier. My two kids are in sports and activities that cost $10k a year. Think wisely. They might love expensive hobbies and are very happy doing them so yu should plan for that. Also, private schools. Then, we take world vacations at about $28k a year, and then there is college. My 17 yo can expect to amass a price tag of $180 - 200k in the next 4 years. Then there is clothes, food, and all of the other daily stuff. My teen got a $20k car for her birthday too. I am married and have an income double yours alone. And, we plan and budget accordingly. I would be very careful. I see a lot of single Mom's really struggling to provide everything.

This is ridiculous and reads as satire.