My kid talks to adults too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Becuase most of us know someone with Asperger's, and this is how they act.

Exactly. OP, your job is to help him develop social skills and relationships with PEERS. Now he is relying on adults to help scaffold the interaction but when he is an adult the other adults will be PEERS and not giving of the same leeway, don't you see that? Does he get invited on playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties? I'm guessing no. Help him develop some interests that will connect him to peers, also a sports team of some kind. Maybe cross country. I'd have him evaluated and see if the school has some kind of social skills group or lunch bunch. The clock is ticking, help him while he is still young enough that it will be normal for you to be around him and peers so you can do some coaching in the aftermath. Soon that window will close. Your focus is misdirected. His self esteem and childhood will not be built on random moments with strangers. I wonder if you have social difficulty too, OP, that you cannot see this as odd? Are you or DH STEM or adjacent?

OP, this PP is offering sound advice. He needs to be chatting and interacting with kids his age not adults. Have your son hang out and play with other kids his age as much as possible. Host play dates, sleepovers, trops to the water park, sign him up for rec sports teams, summer swim team, Boy Scouts, church youth group volunteering, anything that gets him with kids his age for several hours a day. Personally, I would also have him evaluated for autism. Once he is 15, his peers will have zero patience for a kid like this and you will be dealing with a socially isolated teenager. Get his social skills honed now! Good luck.

What? He has social skills with his peers. What weird assumptions.

He has normal friendships, kids don’t think he is weird or awkward? He has good friends he hangs out with several times a week? He is invited to parities etc.? The description of the kid sounded like he was very much an odd duck that struggles with social interactions by talking excessively. Is he appropriate with kids his age? He doesn’t dominate the discussions or interrupt with the right answer at school? Kids don’t find him annoying? These are the real questions, OP.

Yes, he's invited to parties, both school and swim team. Kids show up when he invites. He doesn't dominate school. He's way better socially than I was (or am, if we're being honest).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

I haven’t read all the responses but your penultimate sentence is an important one: adults hate it. Not something you suspect or fear, but something you know. Please work with him to fix this. It’s concerning that you know it’s an issue and he’s on a fishing charter and spends most of the time talking to the captain. Considering you know adults hate this, why are you allowing it? Was he not fishing? You know enough to tell him adults want quiet but seem to be incapable of stopping him from incessant chatter - but for an occasional instruction beforehand about how he shouldn’t do this.

Have a secret signal which he knows means stop. Say: 2 more minutes and we wrap up this conversation and go sit down. Throw in a closer: “let’s thank Captain Hook for chatting with us and head back to the front of the boat to check out what’s happening there.”

My friend’s daughter is like this. It IS annoying when adults are trying to have a conversation and we are repeatedly interrupted by her when all other kids are engaged doing something else. You acknowledge it’s annoying - so help put an end to it. Believe it or now, your son NEEDS more socializing with his own peer group.

We prefer small charters...the captain acts as the mate while fishing. So yes, DS is fishing and talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

I haven’t read all the responses but your penultimate sentence is an important one: adults hate it. Not something you suspect or fear, but something you know. Please work with him to fix this. It’s concerning that you know it’s an issue and he’s on a fishing charter and spends most of the time talking to the captain. Considering you know adults hate this, why are you allowing it? Was he not fishing? You know enough to tell him adults want quiet but seem to be incapable of stopping him from incessant chatter - but for an occasional instruction beforehand about how he shouldn’t do this.

Have a secret signal which he knows means stop. Say: 2 more minutes and we wrap up this conversation and go sit down. Throw in a closer: “let’s thank Captain Hook for chatting with us and head back to the front of the boat to check out what’s happening there.”

My friend’s daughter is like this. It IS annoying when adults are trying to have a conversation and we are repeatedly interrupted by her when all other kids are engaged doing something else. You acknowledge it’s annoying - so help put an end to it. Believe it or now, your son NEEDS more socializing with his own peer group.

Maybe if you’d read to page 2, you would have seen this response, presumably by OP:

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Yes, some kids are annoying much of the time. Mine have certainly have certainly gone through that stage and I intervened as necessary and coached at home. For that matter, everyone (kid or not) annoys someone, sometime. However annoying your friend’s daughter, my kids, or anyone else may be, there is no evidence that’s happening here. In fact, the behavior that you find annoying, and suspect OP’s son of exhibiting because it is typical of his kids his age, is hard to reconcile with OP’s statement that he isn’t acting his age (and additional posts indicate this means he has interests and behaviors that are more mature than is typical of kids his age, and she’s embarrassed that people will think he’s weird).

[Anonymous]

That wasn’t short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

I haven’t read all the responses but your penultimate sentence is an important one: adults hate it. Not something you suspect or fear, but something you know. Please work with him to fix this. It’s concerning that you know it’s an issue and he’s on a fishing charter and spends most of the time talking to the captain. Considering you know adults hate this, why are you allowing it? Was he not fishing? You know enough to tell him adults want quiet but seem to be incapable of stopping him from incessant chatter - but for an occasional instruction beforehand about how he shouldn’t do this.

Have a secret signal which he knows means stop. Say: 2 more minutes and we wrap up this conversation and go sit down. Throw in a closer: “let’s thank Captain Hook for chatting with us and head back to the front of the boat to check out what’s happening there.”

My friend’s daughter is like this. It IS annoying when adults are trying to have a conversation and we are repeatedly interrupted by her when all other kids are engaged doing something else. You acknowledge it’s annoying - so help put an end to it. Believe it or now, your son NEEDS more socializing with his own peer group.

We prefer small charters...the captain acts as the mate while fishing. So yes, DS is fishing and talking.

You completely ignored everything else that I wrote. Only decided to respond to the one thing that you think helps your position to continue to not intervene. Sounds like you don’t need advice.

[Anonymous]

It's crazy that OP comes on and tells a story abot how awkward OP feels watching DC having a normal human conversation, and so many people are diagnosing the person who is comfortable having a conversation as the one who is lacking social skills.

OP should be watching and learning from the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

Yes! So many homeschooled kids are like this.

I think it is because they don't have to wait to get called on to answer, they can engage their parent or tutor one on one for hours on the subjects that interests them. I disliked waiting around for my kids that year that I homeschooled them because inevitably I would be looking at something in the museum or asking the guide a quick question and a homeschooled kid would interrupt and want to talk and talk and talk.

Wild that the person who isn't institutionalized and dehumanized is the one who gets pathologized. Worry about the kids in school who are banned from having normal human relationships, not the thriving homeschooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

I'm a pilot. If this happened to me I'd be *very* annoyed. It's not cute, and I definitely have no interest in discussing anything like this with a child whose parent thinks it's cute that he knows so much.

OP knows it's not cute.

Also, I'm a pilot and I'm smart enough to realize we're in a world of hurt right now, and getting the younger generations interested is the only thing that'll save our industry. Perhaps you need to lighten up (or smarten up) and learn to mentor for ten minutes. Would it kill you to tell a kid the ceilings are too low for an RNAV today?

This kid isn't going to be a pilot any more than he's going to be a fisherman or whatever his obsession du jour is. I do plenty of mentoring, although largely of other female pilots since I was lacking that when I started flying in 1985. Also, please point out to me where I said I would not talk to him. Go ahead, I'll wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

I'm a pilot. If this happened to me I'd be *very* annoyed. It's not cute, and I definitely have no interest in discussing anything like this with a child whose parent thinks it's cute that he knows so much.

You are allowed to say
"It was a pleasure to meet you, but now I need to rest before my next flight." If you are getting "very annoyed" by a consenusal conversation with a child, you may needs bit of social skills training.

Appreciate your permission to speak. I know exactly what to say and when to say it. I can also contain my annoyance when necessary, it's a skill I learned over years of dealing with passengers and the general public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

Your kids need evaluated for anxiety. They're also probably not that smart, which is why they can't talk to adults. It's ok! Most kids aren't ahead of their years.

Oops! You thought this was clever and superior, but really, your insecurity is showing. You should tuck that away before anyone else sees it.

You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Your reading comprehension is terrible.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the whole thread. Could you set him up in a social club with kids like him? I know they’re out there! Even if you can’t figure it out locally, what about on Outschool.

Locally, you could ask him who is in gifted and talented with him. See if you can share contact info and set it up.

Outschool - a couple of groups could work well while you wait for local friends.

Honestly, homeschool groups could be a friendly place. If you join them and say you’d love to see what they’re up to on weekends or evenings. There’s always a homeschooled kid that is 3 grade levels beyond, is reading Tolstoy. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

Yes! So many homeschooled kids are like this.

I think it is because they don't have to wait to get called on to answer, they can engage their parent or tutor one on one for hours on the subjects that interests them. I disliked waiting around for my kids that year that I homeschooled them because inevitably I would be looking at something in the museum or asking the guide a quick question and a homeschooled kid would interrupt and want to talk and talk and talk.

Wild that the person who isn't institutionalized and dehumanized is the one who gets pathologized. Worry about the kids in school who are banned from having normal human relationships, not the thriving homeschooler.

Please, I bet you to stop. With every new comment you make (and yes, it’s you), the secondhand embarrassment on your behalf deepens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy that OP comes on and tells a story abot how awkward OP feels watching DC having a normal human conversation, and so many people are diagnosing the person who is comfortable having a conversation as the one who is lacking social skills.

OP should be watching and learning from the kid.

I agree with this and the OP's kid sounds like someone I would enjoy talking with.

Grownups who don't agree can speak up politely and tell the kid that they're not interested in having a conversation.

[Anonymous]

So basically you started a thread to say how smart and well adjusted your thread is and that he is entirely responsive to all social cues (in spite of your title and initial remark that “adults hate it.”)

That’s pretty weird, op.