My kid talks to adults too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

Yes! So many homeschooled kids are like this.

I think it is because they don't have to wait to get called on to answer, they can engage their parent or tutor one on one for hours on the subjects that interests them. I disliked waiting around for my kids that year that I homeschooled them because inevitably I would be looking at something in the museum or asking the guide a quick question and a homeschooled kid would interrupt and want to talk and talk and talk.

OP's kid isn't interrupting...

When a deadhead pilot wants to sleep, yeah he is interrupting his sleep. It’s rude and the kid comes off as self-entitled. If OP has ever never watched Derry Girls then she should look up uncle Colm clips.

Who said anything about sleeping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Becuase most of us know someone with Asperger's, and this is how they act.

Exactly. OP, your job is to help him develop social skills and relationships with PEERS. Now he is relying on adults to help scaffold the interaction but when he is an adult the other adults will be PEERS and not giving of the same leeway, don't you see that? Does he get invited on playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties? I'm guessing no. Help him develop some interests that will connect him to peers, also a sports team of some kind. Maybe cross country. I'd have him evaluated and see if the school has some kind of social skills group or lunch bunch. The clock is ticking, help him while he is still young enough that it will be normal for you to be around him and peers so you can do some coaching in the aftermath. Soon that window will close. Your focus is misdirected. His self esteem and childhood will not be built on random moments with strangers. I wonder if you have social difficulty too, OP, that you cannot see this as odd? Are you or DH STEM or adjacent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.

I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.

Right, but my kid would probably not answer because it is cringey and he doesn’t want to be seen as an annoying, know-it-all. See the difference?

Yes: your kid has internalized self-hatred already. It’s a shame!

[Anonymous]

Are you saying your friends find his conversational topics weird or same aged peers do? The real answer is likely both.

He is likely on the spectrum, OP. You know something is up. Get him some social skills help before he is any older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.

I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.

Right, but my kid would probably not answer because it is cringey and he doesn’t want to be seen as an annoying, know-it-all. See the difference?

Yes: your kid has internalized self-hatred already. It’s a shame!

Stop trolling. Wanting to fit in with PEERS is normal and healthy.

[Anonymous]

OP, kids often talk to adults and talk about niche interests because they lack the social skills to navigate their peer group successfully. Get your son some help and an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.

I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.

Right, but my kid would probably not answer because it is cringey and he doesn’t want to be seen as an annoying, know-it-all. See the difference?

Yes: your kid has internalized self-hatred already. It’s a shame!

Stop trolling. Wanting to fit in with PEERS is normal and healthy.

But believing that answering a tour guide’s question is a sign of embarrassing pathology is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Becuase most of us know someone with Asperger's, and this is how they act.

Exactly. OP, your job is to help him develop social skills and relationships with PEERS. Now he is relying on adults to help scaffold the interaction but when he is an adult the other adults will be PEERS and not giving of the same leeway, don't you see that? Does he get invited on playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties? I'm guessing no. Help him develop some interests that will connect him to peers, also a sports team of some kind. Maybe cross country. I'd have him evaluated and see if the school has some kind of social skills group or lunch bunch. The clock is ticking, help him while he is still young enough that it will be normal for you to be around him and peers so you can do some coaching in the aftermath. Soon that window will close. Your focus is misdirected. His self esteem and childhood will not be built on random moments with strangers. I wonder if you have social difficulty too, OP, that you cannot see this as odd? Are you or DH STEM or adjacent?

OP, this PP is offering sound advice. He needs to be chatting and interacting with kids his age not adults. Have your son hang out and play with other kids his age as much as possible. Host play dates, sleepovers, trops to the water park, sign him up for rec sports teams, summer swim team, Boy Scouts, church youth group volunteering, anything that gets him with kids his age for several hours a day. Personally, I would also have him evaluated for autism. Once he is 15, his peers will have zero patience for a kid like this and you will be dealing with a socially isolated teenager. Get his social skills honed now! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s 10 not 4- just use your words and tell him he shouldn’t talk so much or monopolize the conversation with his idiosyncratic interests. I suspect part of you finds it adorably precocious and I do get that, but adorably precocious is going to turn into insufferable bloviator if you’re not careful.

Agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Becuase most of us know someone with Asperger's, and this is how they act.

Exactly. OP, your job is to help him develop social skills and relationships with PEERS. Now he is relying on adults to help scaffold the interaction but when he is an adult the other adults will be PEERS and not giving of the same leeway, don't you see that? Does he get invited on playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties? I'm guessing no. Help him develop some interests that will connect him to peers, also a sports team of some kind. Maybe cross country. I'd have him evaluated and see if the school has some kind of social skills group or lunch bunch. The clock is ticking, help him while he is still young enough that it will be normal for you to be around him and peers so you can do some coaching in the aftermath. Soon that window will close. Your focus is misdirected. His self esteem and childhood will not be built on random moments with strangers. I wonder if you have social difficulty too, OP, that you cannot see this as odd? Are you or DH STEM or adjacent?

OP, this PP is offering sound advice. He needs to be chatting and interacting with kids his age not adults. Have your son hang out and play with other kids his age as much as possible. Host play dates, sleepovers, trops to the water park, sign him up for rec sports teams, summer swim team, Boy Scouts, church youth group volunteering, anything that gets him with kids his age for several hours a day. Personally, I would also have him evaluated for autism. Once he is 15, his peers will have zero patience for a kid like this and you will be dealing with a socially isolated teenager. Get his social skills honed now! Good luck.

What? He has social skills with his peers. What weird assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Becuase most of us know someone with Asperger's, and this is how they act.

Exactly. OP, your job is to help him develop social skills and relationships with PEERS. Now he is relying on adults to help scaffold the interaction but when he is an adult the other adults will be PEERS and not giving of the same leeway, don't you see that? Does he get invited on playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties? I'm guessing no. Help him develop some interests that will connect him to peers, also a sports team of some kind. Maybe cross country. I'd have him evaluated and see if the school has some kind of social skills group or lunch bunch. The clock is ticking, help him while he is still young enough that it will be normal for you to be around him and peers so you can do some coaching in the aftermath. Soon that window will close. Your focus is misdirected. His self esteem and childhood will not be built on random moments with strangers. I wonder if you have social difficulty too, OP, that you cannot see this as odd? Are you or DH STEM or adjacent?

OP, this PP is offering sound advice. He needs to be chatting and interacting with kids his age not adults. Have your son hang out and play with other kids his age as much as possible. Host play dates, sleepovers, trops to the water park, sign him up for rec sports teams, summer swim team, Boy Scouts, church youth group volunteering, anything that gets him with kids his age for several hours a day. Personally, I would also have him evaluated for autism. Once he is 15, his peers will have zero patience for a kid like this and you will be dealing with a socially isolated teenager. Get his social skills honed now! Good luck.

What? He has social skills with his peers. What weird assumptions.

Does he? I’ve read this entire thread and all we know about him and his peers is that discuss Minecraft. That’s a start but not the whole enchilada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been homeschooled? I homeschooled my kids for a year pre-COVID when they were in 5th and 7th. It drive my kids bonkers that so many homeschooled kids were like this. We would go to activities such as to a museum where there was a guide. So many kids wanted to talk over the guide, interrupt the guide, or wanted to comment on what the guide was saying.

Many of the parents never corrected their kids because I got the sense they were proud that they thought their kids were so clever when it was so obvious the guides were getting annoyed and it was taking too long for the guide to say their spiel.

Yes! So many homeschooled kids are like this.

I think it is because they don't have to wait to get called on to answer, they can engage their parent or tutor one on one for hours on the subjects that interests them. I disliked waiting around for my kids that year that I homeschooled them because inevitably I would be looking at something in the museum or asking the guide a quick question and a homeschooled kid would interrupt and want to talk and talk and talk.

OP's kid isn't interrupting...

When a deadhead pilot wants to sleep, yeah he is interrupting his sleep. It’s rude and the kid comes off as self-entitled. If OP has ever never watched Derry Girls then she should look up uncle Colm clips.

I find it ironic that in a thread where people throw around autism as an explanation or quasi-insult, they also seem to accept that a fully grown professional adult shouldn’t possess the minimal social skills to be able to extricate themselves from a conversation with a child. There are many ways, verbal and nonverbal, to end a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Why do you assume the adults hate it. It sounds a bit like you think he is weird and it makes you uncomfortable. Adults know how to end conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid is on the spectrum. Not sure why OP insists he’s not. Or he’s super annoying.

Agree. Autistic or very annoying know it all kid. OP, have you actually had him tested for autism??

Why is everyone jumping to autism? Because the kid isn't reading chapter books and knows what a schooler is? Man.

Becuase most of us know someone with Asperger's, and this is how they act.

Exactly. OP, your job is to help him develop social skills and relationships with PEERS. Now he is relying on adults to help scaffold the interaction but when he is an adult the other adults will be PEERS and not giving of the same leeway, don't you see that? Does he get invited on playdates, sleepovers, birthday parties? I'm guessing no. Help him develop some interests that will connect him to peers, also a sports team of some kind. Maybe cross country. I'd have him evaluated and see if the school has some kind of social skills group or lunch bunch. The clock is ticking, help him while he is still young enough that it will be normal for you to be around him and peers so you can do some coaching in the aftermath. Soon that window will close. Your focus is misdirected. His self esteem and childhood will not be built on random moments with strangers. I wonder if you have social difficulty too, OP, that you cannot see this as odd? Are you or DH STEM or adjacent?

OP, this PP is offering sound advice. He needs to be chatting and interacting with kids his age not adults. Have your son hang out and play with other kids his age as much as possible. Host play dates, sleepovers, trops to the water park, sign him up for rec sports teams, summer swim team, Boy Scouts, church youth group volunteering, anything that gets him with kids his age for several hours a day. Personally, I would also have him evaluated for autism. Once he is 15, his peers will have zero patience for a kid like this and you will be dealing with a socially isolated teenager. Get his social skills honed now! Good luck.

What? He has social skills with his peers. What weird assumptions.

He has normal friendships, kids don’t think he is weird or awkward? He has good friends he hangs out with several times a week? He is invited to parities etc.? The description of the kid sounded like he was very much an odd duck that struggles with social interactions by talking excessively. Is he appropriate with kids his age? He doesn’t dominate the discussions or interrupt with the right answer at school? Kids don’t find him annoying? These are the real questions, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

I haven’t read all the responses but your penultimate sentence is an important one: adults hate it. Not something you suspect or fear, but something you know. Please work with him to fix this. It’s concerning that you know it’s an issue and he’s on a fishing charter and spends most of the time talking to the captain. Considering you know adults hate this, why are you allowing it? Was he not fishing? You know enough to tell him adults want quiet but seem to be incapable of stopping him from incessant chatter - but for an occasional instruction beforehand about how he shouldn’t do this.

Have a secret signal which he knows means stop. Say: 2 more minutes and we wrap up this conversation and go sit down. Throw in a closer: “let’s thank Captain Hook for chatting with us and head back to the front of the boat to check out what’s happening there.”

My friend’s daughter is like this. It IS annoying when adults are trying to have a conversation and we are repeatedly interrupted by her when all other kids are engaged doing something else. You acknowledge it’s annoying - so help put an end to it. Believe it or now, your son NEEDS more socializing with his own peer group.