My kid talks to adults too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sure he's not on the spectrum? Are adults engaging in this?

Yes, positive, and yes, they are. Most of the time I never pick up on cues they're bored, but I usually cut him off pretty quick.

And I'll add, sometimes this shows up in things like tours. He'll answer a question that no adult knows the answer to (after politely raising his hand, and he makes sure to only answer one question), and it usually gets a weird look from the tour guide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

[Anonymous]

You seem overly obsessed with your bright child. Just let him be.

[Anonymous]

With a ten year old you should be hovering nearby in most potential situations where he might not be able to pick on the cues of the person he's talking to so that you can shut it down for him when appropriate. Then later you can revisit the event with him, point out how you were able to tell the adult was ready for him to stop talking, and help him learn how he can read those cues too.

Point out that while some adults might enjoy a conversation with him on some topics, others will have a limited patience for that and tell him you know he does not want to be rude to anyone. Hopefully in the next few years you can help him learn to read the cues himself before he is at an age where he is more often not with you when these situations arise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

See I think if mom said “are you sure the lady wants to hear about your pocket watch, larlo?”many people will feel obligated to reluctantly say “oh, no, its fine to keep telling me about your pocket watche” and it just puts the hard part on a stranger rather than a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

PP here. Yeah, this sounds like a you problem. I really enjoy talking to kids but it's very situationally dependent. When I was a waitress, I loved chatting with kids when I wasn't busy. I love talking to kids of my friends and family and neighbors. I do NOT want to talk to a 10 year old (OR ANYONE) on a flight.

So I think what you want to do is teach him to be very aware of the fact that some people don't want to talk, and most people hit their limit at some point. But it sounds like he's actually doing great. Be mindful and keep an eye, but honestly, it sounds like you're cutting him off to early if anything.

Kids (especially at 10, it's not like he's 3) are just people. If it would be fine for an adult to interact socially like this, it's fine for him. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

No? Most adults absolutely do not hate talking to interested 10-year-olds about their job especially if part of their job is socializing with guests/clients. Most adults who work in eg the tourism business would be delighted to field questions from an albatross-obsessed 10yo rather than explain to an adult for the 50th time that day the basics of albatross nesting habits.

I think you’re right to keep a close eye on it as he’s 10 and there are many adults who will not want to be engaged in conversation and their signals may be too subtle for him to understand but don’t start from the assumption no adult wants to talk to an excited child.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s nice to talk to adults. Not enough kids do! But yes, if they start giving short answers that’s his cue to back off.

If it’s innocuous, i would not be constantly on him about this. But we all know the attention-seeking kids who pester adults, so if it’s that kind of “chatting” then I would absolutely redirect him. What you described sounds different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a ten year old you should be hovering nearby in most potential situations where he might not be able to pick on the cues of the person he's talking to so that you can shut it down for him when appropriate. Then later you can revisit the event with him, point out how you were able to tell the adult was ready for him to stop talking, and help him learn how he can read those cues too.

Point out that while some adults might enjoy a conversation with him on some topics, others will have a limited patience for that and tell him you know he does not want to be rude to anyone. Hopefully in the next few years you can help him learn to read the cues himself before he is at an age where he is more often not with you when these situations arise.

I'm 16:04 and 16:14 and this sounds like just the right approach to me.

[Anonymous]

I’m an adult who can handle myself. I can shut a kid down when I’m done talking to them.

[Anonymous]

I love kids like this! Many adults love mentoring kids who are interested in a topic.

As long as he can learn to read social cues of an adult being bored he’s golden.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, he sounds obnoxious. I’ve met a few kids like this.

My oldest loves facts, history, constantly curious, but at 10 would never constantly badger strange adults. In fact he had the social cues and would likely comment how annoying little Jimmy was who wouldn’t shut the hell up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, he sounds obnoxious. I’ve met a few kids like this.

My oldest loves facts, history, constantly curious, but at 10 would never constantly badger strange adults. In fact he had the social cues and would likely comment how annoying little Jimmy was who wouldn’t shut the hell up.

Your kid sounds like an illiterate brat with no friends.