If you had an affair with a married person

[Anonymous]

In fairness sometimes it’s both, both maladaptive and intimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Huh? She doesn’t blog. She doesn’t do anything charity related. I mean her actual life’s work and paycheck come from child welfare advocacy work. None of this ends up on social media to be clear.

Anyway you just proved my point. I never said her relationship with those men didn’t cause pain. Affairs most certainly cause pain. But you can’t just place every singe person in this box or that based on who they sleep with. In the grand scheme of things this woman has done a whole hell of a lot helping others and making a positive impact on people in need, and having sex with a married man doesn’t erase that, period.

Your friend may do lots of great things, but she also has a pretty big character defect. Maybe that stems from being broken by her circumstances, but she is still participating in inflicting pain on other people (including potentially children). Her good works don’t cancel out this defect. She needs therapy.

The husbands and fathers who are sleeping with this woman are the ones who are hurting their families. Instead of being at home, they are out chasing some strange. They need therapy the most here, right...? Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the married man is being honest with the OW about even being married and unavailable?

I don't know any woman who is single and interested in a commitment who seeks out a man who will never give her one.

My boyfriend traveled a lot for work. We broke up and stayed in touch. He eventually married but he did not tell me. He had a baby but he didn't tell me. I had to do a lot of detective work to uncover his web of deceit. He claims I am the love of his life, but no, I am not falling for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads are so overdone.

Like this website...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% of your anger should be directed at your cheating spouse. They are the one who took vows with you, lied to you, spent time with someone else. A third party cannot come into a strong, healthy marriage and break it up.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

Lmaoff!!!! 99.9999%%% of men aren’t looking for love, just sex and they will say anything to get it….until they had their fill, got bored or got caught and then dumped with no contact. True love, indeed

This board is mostly women and they truly don’t understand how different men are about sex/affairs. Compartmentalization. These are often strong marriages with sex and love…but midlife some strange on the side for a bit when they are trying to escape their old age and unfulfilled potential.

That's all well and good, but that does not account for emotional affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Huh? She doesn’t blog. She doesn’t do anything charity related. I mean her actual life’s work and paycheck come from child welfare advocacy work. None of this ends up on social media to be clear.

Anyway you just proved my point. I never said her relationship with those men didn’t cause pain. Affairs most certainly cause pain. But you can’t just place every singe person in this box or that based on who they sleep with. In the grand scheme of things this woman has done a whole hell of a lot helping others and making a positive impact on people in need, and having sex with a married man doesn’t erase that, period.

Your friend may do lots of great things, but she also has a pretty big character defect. Maybe that stems from being broken by her circumstances, but she is still participating in inflicting pain on other people (including potentially children). Her good works don’t cancel out this defect. She needs therapy.

The husbands and fathers who are sleeping with this woman are the ones who are hurting their families. Instead of being at home, they are out chasing some strange. They need therapy the most here, right...? Right?

Most OW are married too, especially in this area. So the moms are out chasing strange, usually finding them on the websites. These things happen right in the middle of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

Adultery is breaking a law in most states and it causes serious harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

Adultery is breaking a law in most states and it causes serious harm.

People judge everything : do you breast feed or bottle? Do you workout? Do you work or stay home? Do you wear active wear ? Blah blah

Cheating is pretty big judge of character. Much more than other things in life. Right off the bat- you know someone lies, cheats and us untrustworthy (both parties). They do use it to judge public figures. Clinton became marginalized after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

Adultery is breaking a law in most states and it causes serious harm.

Illegality is not a good metric here. Jaywalking, certain types of consensual sex, underage drinking, littering, etc are also all illegal.

Certainly adultery is morally wrong. But we have to ask ourselves why half of people do it?

I think those of you with black and white thinking “good people don’t cheat. Cheaters are vile people,” are the most susceptible to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

Wow, you're really stretching to make a point here, and it doesn't work. Of course it doens't "hurt" ME. But yes, I can judge because (1) it's an anonymous site where people come to ask opinions and you don't get to be the opinion police and (2) infidelity DOES hurt the cheated-on spouse and I can be as pi$**d off as I like on behalf of those whose spouses are cheating on them. Your "So be it" attitude is yours, which is fine. Not mine, and not that of others on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

Wow, you're really stretching to make a point here, and it doesn't work. Of course it doens't "hurt" ME. But yes, I can judge because (1) it's an anonymous site where people come to ask opinions and you don't get to be the opinion police and (2) infidelity DOES hurt the cheated-on spouse and I can be as pi$**d off as I like on behalf of those whose spouses are cheating on them. Your "So be it" attitude is yours, which is fine. Not mine, and not that of others on this thread.

You’re not God and neither am so you have no room nor do I to judge. Next…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cheat because I don’t want to break up my marriage due to the kids. I love my DH, but I am not in love with him and I need intimacy and he refuses to provide that.

I give the married man I am with something that’s missing in his marriage. Neither one of us wants to get a divorce and we both wished that we would have met each other during different circumstances.

Most people are like this poster. More people should simply be honest and brave and tell their spouse that they have fallen out of love and should divorce. Poster, you and your man should be proactive, leave your spouses and be together. Life is short. If you've found love and intimacy, seize it.

That is cute. Five years from now, they will be tired of each other and look for the next new toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge not let ye be judged.

Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone.

And I’m not even Christian.

Seriously all you righteous people preaching honesty need to look in the mirror, you think your sh!t don’t stink? As they say.

Maybe it’s what you did to get your DH, maybe it’s how you made your money, maybe it’s what you ignore to prosper, maybe it’s what you’re doing to get your kid ahead, but I guarantee you’ve done something in your life that others would take issue with.

What is with all the "don't judge!" posts on this and other threads today? If we adhered to "Judge not lest ye be judged" (and yeah, it's "lest," not "let") there would be no DCUM at all.

And coming here to compare affairs with the other supposed "sins" you list is tone-deaf. Others might take issue with some parent who lies on a form to get a kid into a school or whatever. That's vile cheating that deserves to be punished, sure. But it's not in the same league as screwing someone else's spouse.

It’s the “whore” judging. The “dickhead” judging. Etc. Let others live. If that’s what they want to do, so be it. If they’re not breaking any laws, again, so be it. What others do, is on them. Does it hurt you? I doubt it.

Wow, you're really stretching to make a point here, and it doesn't work. Of course it doens't "hurt" ME. But yes, I can judge because (1) it's an anonymous site where people come to ask opinions and you don't get to be the opinion police and (2) infidelity DOES hurt the cheated-on spouse and I can be as pi$**d off as I like on behalf of those whose spouses are cheating on them. Your "So be it" attitude is yours, which is fine. Not mine, and not that of others on this thread.

You’re not God and neither am so you have no room nor do I to judge. Next…

Why are you even on DCUM?