Any all-boy moms wistful about not having a daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fortunate girl AND boy mom here. Birth order is DD, DS20, DD. I’m allowed to say this; I love boys! They are intensely more physically and emotionally more active toddler through adolescence, but the payoff is mutual low key, drama-free love and devotion.

My tight group of Mom Friends is compromised of moms of DS’ friends from ES.

I’ve never gotten along with (All) Girl Moms in this way - these Moms seem to want to re-live their youth in a catty, competitive and mean-spirited through their daughters. No thank you-I’m done with sorority life!

Boy Moms are just more relaxed, likely because they are not subject to constant emotional high and lows and chatter and analysis of every nuance and situation.

Huh. Lotta drama and judgment in your post there, for someone who is allegedly so great lol.

Just speaking from experience. I’ll also add that I work with students of all ages and boys are easier in this role.

Boy moms are indeed more relaxed and not hyper competitive. Of course exceptions but I experienced more outright criticism and judgement from all-girl moms about my DS than I ever did with my DDs. Moms who would watch him play and cringe and exclaim they could never have a boy because “so wild” or “so active.” Total prisspots.

Boy mom being competitive about how they are less competitive than girl moms.

CLASSIC!!!!

Loll +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fortunate girl AND boy mom here. Birth order is DD, DS20, DD. I’m allowed to say this; I love boys! They are intensely more physically and emotionally more active toddler through adolescence, but the payoff is mutual low key, drama-free love and devotion.

My tight group of Mom Friends is compromised of moms of DS’ friends from ES.

I’ve never gotten along with (All) Girl Moms in this way - these Moms seem to want to re-live their youth in a catty, competitive and mean-spirited through their daughters. No thank you-I’m done with sorority life!

Boy Moms are just more relaxed, likely because they are not subject to constant emotional high and lows and chatter and analysis of every nuance and situation.

So not my experience. I am also the mother of a boy and a girl. I have built far closer connections to the mothers of my daughter’s friends. I have always just assumed it’s because she was the oldest.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

What are you talking about? How am I doing them a disservice because they're not dramatic and they don't get wrapped up into social things? I consider myself lucky that they don't. I mean, they could be those type of kids who do but they aren't. I don't know that if I had a girl that she necessarily would be either. But the point is that I'm not wistful that my boys are not girls. They are who they are. I appreciate them and they are great kids. Please spell out the disservice that this attitude brings upon them. How am I naive and dismissive?

This has nothing to do with them being boys. This is who they are. Thinking that their gender is the reason is so archaic.

Look at my earlier post where I put, in parentheses, "at least my particular boys". I'm completely aware that they are who they are and that a girl might be similar. That said, I don't necessarily know that she would. THUS, I'M NOT WISTFUL.
But, please, tell me how my thoughts regarding this are naive, dismissive, and a disservice to my boys. I'm awaiting a true and meaningful response.

Because your assumption that you are more likely to have drama with girls is based on stereotypes. You will likely transfer this view to your sons. And they will only date women who fit this stereotype and will perpetuate the cycle. Nothing wrong with that of course if your son falls in love with a drama-filled girl, but it’s a little sad that he can’t see other options as being feminine and worthwhile. If you had daughters, your sons would learn to evaluate girls as individuals, especially weren’t over the top in assigning gender to personality traits

No, my assumption that girls are more dramatic is based on my life’s experiences. My boys aren’t being raised to dislike drama in girls or to choose girls with less drama in their lives. However if they did choose a drama-less girl it would not surprise me as they are not ones to appreciate the overactivity and anxiousness that comes with such behavior. I imagine, in that case, they would also avoid boys who were dramatic or attracted to drama.

None of this is based on stereotypes it’s based on their personalities. I just don’t understand how someone can anonymously assume things are based on stereotypes and poor parenting just because they don’t like the facts of a particular situation.

And now I’m even happier that I have boys because the moms of boys don’t assume you’re raising your kids incorrectly just because they don’t like drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a good thing none of these PPs had girls because they would be horrible girl moms with all the negative stereotypes about girls. Is this what you are teaching your boys to think about girls? That they’re all drama? And why is it not okay for a girl to be into ‘girly’ things? I feel sorry for your future DILs.

I think I'm one of the posters you're referring to. There is nothing wrong with girls being dramatic or into "girly" things. The OP asked if we were wistful about not having a daughter. I'm just happy I get to avoid those particular things that usually (although not all the time) come with having a daughter. If I did have a daughter, I know I'd be just as fiercely proud of her as I am my boys, even if she was he girliest girl and simply full of drama. But that wasn't the question. It's just that I'm not that wistful about not having a girl because I know that one of the advantages of having boys (at least my particular boys) is that I don't have to deal with that.

It's like not getting a job that you know you would've loved simply because you realize that you would've had to work 14 hours a day. You aren't sad you didn't get it, although you know you would've done well with it, but it wasn't an option so you're not going to pine for it.

Please don’t be so naive and dismissive. You’re doing your boys a real disservice

What are you talking about? How am I doing them a disservice because they're not dramatic and they don't get wrapped up into social things? I consider myself lucky that they don't. I mean, they could be those type of kids who do but they aren't. I don't know that if I had a girl that she necessarily would be either. But the point is that I'm not wistful that my boys are not girls. They are who they are. I appreciate them and they are great kids. Please spell out the disservice that this attitude brings upon them. How am I naive and dismissive?

This has nothing to do with them being boys. This is who they are. Thinking that their gender is the reason is so archaic.

Look at my earlier post where I put, in parentheses, "at least my particular boys". I'm completely aware that they are who they are and that a girl might be similar. That said, I don't necessarily know that she would. THUS, I'M NOT WISTFUL.
But, please, tell me how my thoughts regarding this are naive, dismissive, and a disservice to my boys. I'm awaiting a true and meaningful response.

Because your assumption that you are more likely to have drama with girls is based on stereotypes. You will likely transfer this view to your sons. And they will only date women who fit this stereotype and will perpetuate the cycle. Nothing wrong with that of course if your son falls in love with a drama-filled girl, but it’s a little sad that he can’t see other options as being feminine and worthwhile. If you had daughters, your sons would learn to evaluate girls as individuals, especially weren’t over the top in assigning gender to personality traits

No, my assumption that girls are more dramatic is based on my life’s experiences. My boys aren’t being raised to dislike drama in girls or to choose girls with less drama in their lives. However if they did choose a drama-less girl it would not surprise me as they are not ones to appreciate the overactivity and anxiousness that comes with such behavior. I imagine, in that case, they would also avoid boys who were dramatic or attracted to drama.

None of this is based on stereotypes it’s based on their personalities. I just don’t understand how someone can anonymously assume things are based on stereotypes and poor parenting just because they don’t like the facts of a particular situation.

And now I’m even happier that I have boys because the moms of boys don’t assume you’re raising your kids incorrectly just because they don’t like drama.

Your poor, poor sons.
-mom with both

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cried when I found out I was having a boy (thanks for making me believe boys suck, radical feminism!), but he's awesome.

Seriously, you are blaming “radical feminism” for your irrational reaction? Prior to your pregnancy, you had no direct experience of any kind with men or boys that you could rely on in shaping how you felt about boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fortunate girl AND boy mom here. Birth order is DD, DS20, DD. I’m allowed to say this; I love boys! They are intensely more physically and emotionally more active toddler through adolescence, but the payoff is mutual low key, drama-free love and devotion.

My tight group of Mom Friends is compromised of moms of DS’ friends from ES.

I’ve never gotten along with (All) Girl Moms in this way - these Moms seem to want to re-live their youth in a catty, competitive and mean-spirited through their daughters. No thank you-I’m done with sorority life!

Boy Moms are just more relaxed, likely because they are not subject to constant emotional high and lows and chatter and analysis of every nuance and situation.

Ooof. Also have both, friendships with moms on all sides and thankfully, it’s all been drama- AND stereotype-free! Yeesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends are going with their tweens to Taylor Swift, making bracelets, etc. Such a bonding experience. It just hit me that I won't have that. I mean, I love my boys, but ... they like baseball, and I love their games and watch them, but it's not the same exactly, and sometimes I feel wistful!!

This can't be generalized and depends on relationship between specific mom and daughter but for majority, daughters are a true blessing. Not to say that boys aren't but its just very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends are going with their tweens to Taylor Swift, making bracelets, etc. Such a bonding experience. It just hit me that I won't have that. I mean, I love my boys, but ... they like baseball, and I love their games and watch them, but it's not the same exactly, and sometimes I feel wistful!!

You'll have to wait until your kid gets a GF, you can spoil her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Also since when are men exempt from child support because they were a teen father? They all turn into adults eventually and will get jobs. I wonder if these women will still be smug when their sons call them up complaining how they can’t save for a down payment or make their student loan payments because of child support payments. They are no joke and I know men who really struggle financially because of how costly payments can be.

Um, the average child support payment paid out in the US is only $430/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like having sons now, but hope that my future daughters in law will let me have a relationship with my kids when they are adults.

Be welcoming, loving and respectful of their boundaries to develop good relations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

Yep even the nicest most family oriented guy does jack shit for his parents in comparison to what his sisters do/are obligated to do and yet in 99% of families the SON is still the prince and it's soooo great when he comes over once in a while and takes parent to a drs appt or whatever. While the DDs who do that stuff day in and day out are JUST daughters and daughters are soooo difficult and imperfect. Daughters really need to step back and let's see how well everyone figures things out.

Well that is what you get. Boys are expected to be on their own and independent(emotionally and financially) long before girls are. Boys are not coddled and are told to man from an early age. They are pushed/kicked out of the house as soon as possible while girls are not. So daughters and sons have vastly different experiences with “family” life from the beginning.

Literally the exact opposite of everything you wrote is what’s true. Every word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Also since when are men exempt from child support because they were a teen father? They all turn into adults eventually and will get jobs. I wonder if these women will still be smug when their sons call them up complaining how they can’t save for a down payment or make their student loan payments because of child support payments. They are no joke and I know men who really struggle financially because of how costly payments can be.

Most men don’t pay anything close to what they’re supposed to in child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Also since when are men exempt from child support because they were a teen father? They all turn into adults eventually and will get jobs. I wonder if these women will still be smug when their sons call them up complaining how they can’t save for a down payment or make their student loan payments because of child support payments. They are no joke and I know men who really struggle financially because of how costly payments can be.

Um, the average child support payment paid out in the US is only $430/month.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Threads like these just convince me more and more that women really need to put their foot down with regards to feeling obligated to take care of aging parents. There are so many parents with similar viewpoints yet expect their daughters to be eventual free caregivers.

Yep even the nicest most family oriented guy does jack shit for his parents in comparison to what his sisters do/are obligated to do and yet in 99% of families the SON is still the prince and it's soooo great when he comes over once in a while and takes parent to a drs appt or whatever. While the DDs who do that stuff day in and day out are JUST daughters and daughters are soooo difficult and imperfect. Daughters really need to step back and let's see how well everyone figures things out.

Well that is what you get. Boys are expected to be on their own and independent(emotionally and financially) long before girls are. Boys are not coddled and are told to man from an early age. They are pushed/kicked out of the house as soon as possible while girls are not. So daughters and sons have vastly different experiences with “family” life from the beginning.

HAHAHA no. Don’t even start with me. My mom was still waking my younger brother up for school, laying out his clothes, packing his lunch and bringing stuff to school that he forgot when he was a freaking senior in high school. 18 years old. I literally walked uphill in the snow to get to & from my high school and had a job starting at the end of 10th grade; my parents bought my brother a car on his 16th birthday. No joke, I would come home from college (via Greyhound bus) and would have to ask my brother permission to borrow his car. And that was just the tip of the iceberg!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Lol