Any all-boy moms wistful about not having a daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, because there’s no chance my sons will come home pregnant, and if either one impregnates a woman at a young age, the financial & logistical burden on me will be much lower than if it was a daughter of mine pregnant.

Very weird reason

I actually think that post is HILARIOUS when taken with all the "why aren't moms of boys prioritized as grandparents??" posts surrounding it. "So glad I'm a #boymom so if he knocks up some slut it's not my problem. . . why did Shirley get the Worlds Greatest Grandma mug and not me?!"

Lol

I mean that’s the whole thread in a nutshell isn’t it?

*negative stereotypes about girls/girl moms and internalized misogyny which they are definitely communicating to their sons*

“BUT OMG THESE DRAMATIC TAY-TAY FANGIRLS IN THEIR BRACELETS HAD BETTER LOVE ME SO I CAN SEE MY GRANDBABIES”

Hm…cause and effect so nicely on display…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course they are. But it’s not human nature to admit that, even to yourself sometimes

"of course they are" ugh. Why can't people have different experiences? Why do you have to assume that EVERY woman wants a daughter vs a son? There certainly are some who do. There are also tons of us who are just thankful for exactly what we have. This is the only part of having all boys that makes me sort of sad...that some people (mostly other women) think my family isn't "complete" because I am "missing my girl". My children fulfill me in a way I never thought was possible and their assigned sex at birth has nothing to do with it.

I've never even encountered this, but if I did, I would think it's weird. Why should I feel sad if someone else is projecting their feelings on to me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Day to day - no regrets.

Long term - yes. In all but 2 families I've ever known, a son is a son until he takes a wife. Even true in my extended family where everyone gets along well with their DILs. It's just that men tend to move closer to their wives' parents, if that's what the wives want - many wives want that - and bam you have grandparents that are day to day involved (or at least weekly) and of course the kids will be closer. This is even true where the son is great about making plans about seeing his side, doesn't leave it all to his wife; there simply isn't a replacement for being the parents that are local and involved.

The 2 families where the couple/kids are closer to the husband's parents - one is of a culture where they do generational living and his parents decided they were moving in, he was never going to say no to his parents, and his wife didn't like it but being of that culture she knew his parents came before HER. It's a sad situation, we're not of that culture, and it's not a situation we'd want with our sons anyway.

The other family - both sides are local but the couple quickly realized that HIS parents were young retirees and more available to chase the children, whereas her parents were still working and thus weren't just randomly available for preschool pickup or whatever. So the couple quickly got closer with his mom and dad for the help they'd provide, the kids grew close to them, and now his parents are the A grandparents.

In all other families I know, it's about the wife's side. And given what I've seen of our DS' few early relationships and how they are invested in being the nice guys we raised them to be, they are quick to put their GFs' wants over theirs - so even now if the GF wants to spend time at her family's house this weekend, they do that. Right now we can tell them - nope sorry we expect you home with us for x, but we obviously understand we won't be doing that with grown men once they're out of their teens and in serious relationships.

Being nice doesn't equal being a doormat. Being nice means learning how to be nice to others AND nice to yourself.

Now it may be that your boys won't mind not seeing you, so won't assert themselves when their wives want to see their own families. That's a different issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sad how many boy moms on here are preemptively competitive with their hypothetical DIL's hypothetical mom. Just relax, not everything is a competition. If you maintain a good relationship with your kids, you will get to spend time with them. Don't be that MIL who is always whiny and bean-counting

This entire thread is whiny and competitive. So much projection, be happy with your children and stop allowing your own insecurities and traumas to burden your children. I don’t raise my children to refer to one gender as better or toxic. I remind them the world has an abundance of sh*tty human beings lamenting over things they can’t control. Avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Nope. My boys (7 and 10) love music and dancing, and are both passionate about the instruments they are learning. If given the choice between playing and/or attending a baseball game and playing and/or attending a concert, they would both choose the latter.

I do have more fun taking my teenage niece clothes shopping, though!

[Anonymous]

Yes. This is normal. We are all daughters after all and it seems weird not to have one since it's the relationship we know. I've accepted it and I love my boys so much and happy with the family I have, but every once in a while I do get jealous of what I don't have and maybe what could have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was sad when my second was a boy (and we knew we were done at two). But, now I am so grateful to only have boys. So much less risk of passing down all the eating disorder, enmeshment, etc toxicity from my own mom. I am able to see my kids as complete people totally separate from me and I can focus on who they are and what they need. I see other women projecting so much onto their daughters that it makes my heart ache. (Not that this doesn't happen with sons, I just see it more often with daughters.)

This. I am so thankful for my boys. I have so much less drama and worry. I grew up in a family of girls and this is so much more light and fun. Plus all the money I didn’t spend on clothes and appearances!

You actually have no way to know you have less drama and worry. My girls are amazing, and shopping for them (when they were small) and with them (now that they are older) is a joy. I’ll never know what it’s like to have boys, so why would I say “I’m so glad I don’t have boys” when I couldn’t possibly know what it’s like? I wouldn’t say that. You all are weird.

But I do know what it’s like since I am one and grew up with them. I didn’t say it wouldn’t also be joyful. I would find it a joy to do together all the girl things I love like crafts and cooking, and I’m sure I’d love shopping for and with them (despite the expense). But the other aspects that I had trouble with growing up would really trouble me and I’m glad to be free of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was sad when my second was a boy (and we knew we were done at two). But, now I am so grateful to only have boys. So much less risk of passing down all the eating disorder, enmeshment, etc toxicity from my own mom. I am able to see my kids as complete people totally separate from me and I can focus on who they are and what they need. I see other women projecting so much onto their daughters that it makes my heart ache. (Not that this doesn't happen with sons, I just see it more often with daughters.)

This. I am so thankful for my boys. I have so much less drama and worry. I grew up in a family of girls and this is so much more light and fun. Plus all the money I didn’t spend on clothes and appearances!

You actually have no way to know you have less drama and worry. My girls are amazing, and shopping for them (when they were small) and with them (now that they are older) is a joy. I’ll never know what it’s like to have boys, so why would I say “I’m so glad I don’t have boys” when I couldn’t possibly know what it’s like? I wouldn’t say that. You all are weird.

But I do know what it’s like since I am one and grew up with them. I didn’t say it wouldn’t also be joyful. I would find it a joy to do together all the girl things I love like crafts and cooking, and I’m sure I’d love shopping for and with them (despite the expense). But the other aspects that I had trouble with growing up would really trouble me and I’m glad to be free of them.

As my daughter often reminds me “I am not you.” My daughter and I are clones to the outside world. We are science-y and geek-y, love reading, but by a trick of genetics are both conventionally pretty. We are not sporty. Neither of us are at all girly. So a few of the stereotypes maybe but certainly not many. And yet she acts, reacts, feels and has experiences that are different than my own. She embraces her inner nerd in a way that I never could in high school and is a lot better off for it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I literally had my friends with daughters talk about “mediocre whites men” like they weren’t married to white men. I wish everybody had both so we could just be done with the girl mom/boy mom bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. This is normal. We are all daughters after all and it seems weird not to have one since it's the relationship we know. I've accepted it and I love my boys so much and happy with the family I have, but every once in a while I do get jealous of what I don't have and maybe what could have been.

This^. It's natural to want to have a daughter if you are/were a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Me, my mom and my daughter are very different people.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised to hear the grandparent/relations issue being a significant factor. So far in the future, so unknown… and, (as a daughter/granddaughter) my closest grandparent was through my father. And now we find it easier to spend time with my husbands side of the family than my own.

I thought I was sad about not having a girl when pregnant with boys but then, life got very busy. Maybe I’ll be wistful when I’m old. They are just fun people right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I literally had my friends with daughters talk about “mediocre whites men” like they weren’t married to white men. I wish everybody had both so we could just be done with the girl mom/boy mom bs.

Truth hurts.

[Anonymous]

All you ladies who think your boys will be drama free, wrong. It’s the Wild West out there, and boys are caught up in so much drama, awful behavior, fighting, machismo, insecurity, caught up in being cool and they shut you out emotionally. Good luck to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. This is normal. We are all daughters after all and it seems weird not to have one since it's the relationship we know. I've accepted it and I love my boys so much and happy with the family I have, but every once in a while I do get jealous of what I don't have and maybe what could have been.

This^. It's natural to want to have a daughter if you are/were a daughter.

My husband doesn’t have any sons, and if it bothers him or makes him “wistful” he hasn’t expressed it to me. I even offered to have another baby and he said it was not an issue. He is as close to the kids as I am.