My friend moved without telling me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry. I had this happen before though not quite as dramatic, and it really hurt. Ignore the people acting like you are out of line.

DP - this. There is a DCUM contingent that thinks it’s unhealthy to show any kind of emotional attachment or upset, that the only way to be healthy is to unfazed by every human interaction. But really, having good mental health is about having the appropriate emotional reaction to a given situation - which you’re having, OP. No one would feel good about this.

I’d give a brief reply along the lines of, “sounds like a big change, good luck with everything” and then forego contact. You don’t want to spend too much time trying to read the tea leaves; let her come back to you if/when she’s ready.

I agree with this poster on every count.

[Anonymous]

Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

[Anonymous]

Bet you’re going to bump into her. Doubt she actually moved.

[Anonymous]

You text her several times a week, so text her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously there's a reason she didn't tell you before hand, and a reason she doesn't want to share now. Something about the situation is embarassing. Likely financial or marital problem(s).

So on the one hand, yes I would just let it go. On the other hand, if you really care(d) about this person, I might text back something supportive that leaves the door open. Maybe just tell the truth? What harm could that do?

"We will miss you! I am worried about you because this seems so odd and sudden. But I'm sure you have your reasons. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I hope you drop me a line, or if you're ever back in town, let me know. I won't ask any nosy questions if you prefer. Just miss you.

Take care and good luck!"

I’ve been reading “scripts” on DCUM for years and this is the first one that I’ve liked.

I don't like it at all. It is classic, passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very Ozark-y. Like, one day the Byrdes were living a quiet life in their Chicago suburb, and the next day they were...elsewhere.

And OP I'm sorry for the weirdness and confusion this has caused you and your family. We'd all feel this was strange if we experienced a similar situation.

Except the friend replied to OPs text, so I think it can't be too Ozark-y of a situation. Wit-sec is out.

I'm guessing major financial issues. Friend was too embarassed or private to explain, so she just didn't.

Yes, OP did they own a river boat casino? Just asking question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry. I had this happen before though not quite as dramatic, and it really hurt. Ignore the people acting like you are out of line.

DP - this. There is a DCUM contingent that thinks it’s unhealthy to show any kind of emotional attachment or upset, that the only way to be healthy is to unfazed by every human interaction. But really, having good mental health is about having the appropriate emotional reaction to a given situation - which you’re having, OP. No one would feel good about this.

I’d give a brief reply along the lines of, “sounds like a big change, good luck with everything” and then forego contact. You don’t want to spend too much time trying to read the tea leaves; let her come back to you if/when she’s ready.

I agree with this poster on every count.

Agree, too. I am just super shocked that someone could move without complaining about moving. It breaks all norms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been really overwhelmed when moving and haven't contacted people I should have. If she's me, she feels guilty and would love you to reach out

Yes, this. If I had to move quickly due to a traumatic event, and someone who I considered a friend barely tried to find out what happened and how I was, I'd wonder if we were ever friends. OP is being a good friend by demonstrating her care for this woman. Clearly something not great happened to her or her family, and in the stress and confusion she was unable to follow conventional niceties. I'm shocked by a lot of the responses telling OP to drop it, or that she's pushy. People in the DMV are so cold and unfriendly.

+1

OP please follow the advice above and reach out again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been really overwhelmed when moving and haven't contacted people I should have. If she's me, she feels guilty and would love you to reach out

Yes, this. If I had to move quickly due to a traumatic event, and someone who I considered a friend barely tried to find out what happened and how I was, I'd wonder if we were ever friends. OP is being a good friend by demonstrating her care for this woman. Clearly something not great happened to her or her family, and in the stress and confusion she was unable to follow conventional niceties. I'm shocked by a lot of the responses telling OP to drop it, or that she's pushy. People in the DMV are so cold and unfriendly.

+1

OP please follow the advice above and reach out again.

+2

Agree - this is something bad that your friend is going through - divorce or financial. Reach out once more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been really overwhelmed when moving and haven't contacted people I should have. If she's me, she feels guilty and would love you to reach out

Yes, this. If I had to move quickly due to a traumatic event, and someone who I considered a friend barely tried to find out what happened and how I was, I'd wonder if we were ever friends. OP is being a good friend by demonstrating her care for this woman. Clearly something not great happened to her or her family, and in the stress and confusion she was unable to follow conventional niceties. I'm shocked by a lot of the responses telling OP to drop it, or that she's pushy. People in the DMV are so cold and unfriendly.

+1

OP please follow the advice above and reach out again.

+2

Agree - this is something bad that your friend is going through - divorce or financial. Reach out once more.

+3

She is probably too scared or embarrassed to ask for help or a lifeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been really overwhelmed when moving and haven't contacted people I should have. If she's me, she feels guilty and would love you to reach out

Yes, this. If I had to move quickly due to a traumatic event, and someone who I considered a friend barely tried to find out what happened and how I was, I'd wonder if we were ever friends. OP is being a good friend by demonstrating her care for this woman. Clearly something not great happened to her or her family, and in the stress and confusion she was unable to follow conventional niceties. I'm shocked by a lot of the responses telling OP to drop it, or that she's pushy. People in the DMV are so cold and unfriendly.

+1

OP please follow the advice above and reach out again.

+2

Agree - this is something bad that your friend is going through - divorce or financial. Reach out once more.

+3

She is probably too scared or embarrassed to ask for help or a lifeline.

DP - I get this (and I’m not cold and unfriendly, despite suggesting upthread to keep the response short), but then the OP should keep it brief. There are a lot of assumptions being made about the reason why this woman didn’t disclose the move.

So, OP, in response to “yeah lol” - maybe something like, “wow, that’s huge! Everything okay?”

You can express concern and still respect whatever boundary this woman has going on right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been really overwhelmed when moving and haven't contacted people I should have. If she's me, she feels guilty and would love you to reach out

Same. And it wasn't personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very Ozark-y. Like, one day the Byrdes were living a quiet life in their Chicago suburb, and the next day they were...elsewhere.

And OP I'm sorry for the weirdness and confusion this has caused you and your family. We'd all feel this was strange if we experienced a similar situation.

Except the friend replied to OPs text, so I think it can't be too Ozark-y of a situation. Wit-sec is out.

I'm guessing major financial issues. Friend was too embarassed or private to explain, so she just didn't.

Yes, OP did they own a river boat casino? Just asking question.

[Anonymous]

11 pages in and OP STILL hasn't asked her friend "WHY didn't you tell me you were moving?"

Thinking this is a troll.