We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.

You think it’s worth it because confirmation bias. It was actually a dumb decision.

I am a public school parent and I think it’s highly that PP is wrong. Covid has been abysmal for so many students, especially those who were supposed to be learning foundational topics like reading for K and advanced math for middle and high school, and of course the impact is even worse for a kid with even the smallest special need. You just cannot learn as well over a computer, and private schools did much less of that. This isn’t even factoring in the fact that private schools are far more likely to have a content-rich curriculum and good writing composition instruction, and much less of a problem with behavioral issues in the transition back to the classroom. This is reflected in data. It’s not confirmation bias unless PP’s public school option was a unicorn.

There is actually very little data supporting that private schools have better outcomes due to the school. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.3102/0013189X18785632

UMC/MC parents who value education make sacrifices, but cannot sacrifice their entire financial lives. You move to a better school district, stay involved in school, get tutoring, get into the good programs.

This article was published in 2018! This is your supporting evidence
My gosh a discussion on education from people focused on finances is eye opening.

um care to elaborate?

I would love to discuss the merits of mansions and lux European vacations. The fact that my finances won’t pay for them is pretty much the determining factor, regardless of how nice they are.

and again - sacrificing for education is noble. people like OP do that by moving to a better public school district, getting tutors, getting kids into the best programs. not by bankrupting themselves and sticking their kids with student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school private is the best education dollar of all

College can be cheap. 2 years cc and 2 years commuting state school

But being forced to do tons of homework in middle school sets a kid up for life

You think someone willing to put all their money into private school is going to let their kids go to community college?! Cmon now.

[Anonymous]

spaceships fly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school private is the best education dollar of all

College can be cheap. 2 years cc and 2 years commuting state school

But being forced to do tons of homework in middle school sets a kid up for life

You think someone willing to put all their money into private school is going to let their kids go to community college?! Cmon now.

Totally delusional. My kid attended Potomac school and one of the famous alumni from Potomac who appeared in the school alumni magazine attended Northern Virginia Community College (NVCC).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public schools often do a better job in college admissions than privates. Spend extra money on tutors and extracurricular academic programs which will be a tiny amount compared to private school. Your kids will be top dogs at the public and have great college options, including for merit aid.

Focus on math, writing, and science tutoring.

Everybody wins and you can still save for college and retirement.

+1. We have a high HHI of $600K, can afford private (not in DC area), kids go to a good public school (not the best in the area). We spend a ton of money on enrichment, tutoring. Feels like we get better ROI vs. paying for privates.

+1. We are in the same boat. Applied to private last year but turned it down bc the $50K/year is just stupid. Instead, we save money, spend on enrichment and live a stress-free life. It is so nice to not worry about a tuition bill that would hamstring us.

OP, I went to a fancy private school. I had a wonderful experience and credit a lot of my life experiences to that private school. However, my younger sibling who went to a public school is pretty on par with salary and career as myself. I make $450K (attorney) and he makes $450K (doctor). One in private and the other in public. WE also both went to the same state flagship school.

I think way too much stock is put in private school. If your kid is in a good public with parents who support and foster education, your DC will be just fine. Save the money,

This just occurred to me, reading your post. I wonder if a family with a $900k HHI feels less pressure to go to private because you've already proved your worth and you might not have class anxiety. I wonder if OP's wife doesn't feel as secure, and so she's pushing to send the kids to private because she feels she needs the validation of the kids being in private - and also I wonder if she feels the kids need to be socialized around the super rich kids in a way you don't because you're so wealthy.

Sort of the same way that rich people can bang around in a sh***y car because they don't have to prove anything to anyone, but someone who is more middle class feels the need to drive a good car in order to prove they belong.

(And I believe anyone with a HHI of $220k is doing awesome and should feel very good about what they've gotten in this hard life, but it may be that OP's wife feels like she wants to open up a different world to her kids or feels some class anxiety.)

Just to correct, our HHI is not $900K - it's about $650K. The $450 and $450K was the example of how my younger brother and I - despite going to private v public school - both make the same salary.

That said, I recognize that at $650HHI we still likely feel less pressure to validate our decisions and/or standing. 6 years ago, our HHI was around $200K and I did struggle with public v private - in part because it seemed like the shiny, out of reach option that we could not afford. After we went through the application process and I realized that private schools were not what I thought they were, I feel a bit more confident in our decision. Plus, the benefit of time and experience is that you see how things are turning out. My DD in 8th is doing great and the math enrichments have really paid off.

All that said, OP's wife should not bankrupt them for private school. It's a long road and hopefully they can gain wealth through savings and come out ahead.

Ah sorry, I read your post too quickly. But I do wonder if that idea stands - that someone with a very high HHI is free of class anxiety in a way that someone like OP's wife is not.

And again, $200k is a very very very nice HHI - but maybe the thing is it's just on the cusp of wealthy, and that provokes some of this stuff OP and his wife are going through.

Then again I can easily picture someone with an HHI of $900k feeling anxiety that they aren't bringing in a million, and needing to prove themselves to THAT group of people or whatever.

I think that mentality likely drives 90% of private school admissions. It's a keeping up with the Joneses parade.

Are some of you unaware of what is going on in some school systems? My older kids went to public and I assumed my younger ones would, too. Then Covid happened and they’re now in private. It’s not a keeping up with the Joneses for many people. Have you seen the latest scores from MCPS? It’s concerning.

The scores are a reflection of learning losses due to COVID. Why wouldn't they be lower? Are you afraid COVID caused the teachers to forget how to teach like they did before COVID and now the kids are learning nothing? It's the same teachers, same curriculum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a very simple solution to this. You pay a family who lives in Langley Virginia $500/month to rent a room in their home so that you can use their address to send your kid to either Longfellow/Cooper MS and Langley HS.

Longfellow/Cooper is probably the top three MS in Virginia (if you also include Rachel Carson MS). Langley HS is the best school in Virginia after TJ. Stay away from McLean HS because that Mclean HS is overcrowded and not as good as Langley HS,even though it is still a very good HS right after Langley.

I know several families that do this so their kids can attend Longfellow/Cooper MS and Langley HS. Money well spent.

This is not legal unless you actually live in that room.
You could also rob a bank to pay the tuition.

Exactly. You have to actually reside there or else it's not your primary residence. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public schools often do a better job in college admissions than privates. Spend extra money on tutors and extracurricular academic programs which will be a tiny amount compared to private school. Your kids will be top dogs at the public and have great college options, including for merit aid.

Focus on math, writing, and science tutoring.

Everybody wins and you can still save for college and retirement.

+1. We have a high HHI of $600K, can afford private (not in DC area), kids go to a good public school (not the best in the area). We spend a ton of money on enrichment, tutoring. Feels like we get better ROI vs. paying for privates.

+1. We are in the same boat. Applied to private last year but turned it down bc the $50K/year is just stupid. Instead, we save money, spend on enrichment and live a stress-free life. It is so nice to not worry about a tuition bill that would hamstring us.

OP, I went to a fancy private school. I had a wonderful experience and credit a lot of my life experiences to that private school. However, my younger sibling who went to a public school is pretty on par with salary and career as myself. I make $450K (attorney) and he makes $450K (doctor). One in private and the other in public. WE also both went to the same state flagship school.

I think way too much stock is put in private school. If your kid is in a good public with parents who support and foster education, your DC will be just fine. Save the money,

This just occurred to me, reading your post. I wonder if a family with a $900k HHI feels less pressure to go to private because you've already proved your worth and you might not have class anxiety. I wonder if OP's wife doesn't feel as secure, and so she's pushing to send the kids to private because she feels she needs the validation of the kids being in private - and also I wonder if she feels the kids need to be socialized around the super rich kids in a way you don't because you're so wealthy.

Sort of the same way that rich people can bang around in a sh***y car because they don't have to prove anything to anyone, but someone who is more middle class feels the need to drive a good car in order to prove they belong.

(And I believe anyone with a HHI of $220k is doing awesome and should feel very good about what they've gotten in this hard life, but it may be that OP's wife feels like she wants to open up a different world to her kids or feels some class anxiety.)

Just to correct, our HHI is not $900K - it's about $650K. The $450 and $450K was the example of how my younger brother and I - despite going to private v public school - both make the same salary.

That said, I recognize that at $650HHI we still likely feel less pressure to validate our decisions and/or standing. 6 years ago, our HHI was around $200K and I did struggle with public v private - in part because it seemed like the shiny, out of reach option that we could not afford. After we went through the application process and I realized that private schools were not what I thought they were, I feel a bit more confident in our decision. Plus, the benefit of time and experience is that you see how things are turning out. My DD in 8th is doing great and the math enrichments have really paid off.

All that said, OP's wife should not bankrupt them for private school. It's a long road and hopefully they can gain wealth through savings and come out ahead.

Ah sorry, I read your post too quickly. But I do wonder if that idea stands - that someone with a very high HHI is free of class anxiety in a way that someone like OP's wife is not.

And again, $200k is a very very very nice HHI - but maybe the thing is it's just on the cusp of wealthy, and that provokes some of this stuff OP and his wife are going through.

Then again I can easily picture someone with an HHI of $900k feeling anxiety that they aren't bringing in a million, and needing to prove themselves to THAT group of people or whatever.

I think that mentality likely drives 90% of private school admissions. It's a keeping up with the Joneses parade.

Are some of you unaware of what is going on in some school systems? My older kids went to public and I assumed my younger ones would, too. Then Covid happened and they’re now in private. It’s not a keeping up with the Joneses for many people. Have you seen the latest scores from MCPS? It’s concerning.

Yawn. Yes, I have. We have all read the same things that you do. I still don't think the private schools are worth anywhere near $50K per kid. If it were $25K, maybe. What I found, in our application process, that the private school kids were not more academically inclined than the other AAP or honors public school kids, but they were richer. I don't think it is worth it for our family to pay $150K per year for the next 6 years just for my kids to go to school with rich kids. We do math enrichment, among other things. My children have all tested great, do well in honors/AAP, and have a ton of other extracurriculars. All for less than what I would've spent on one kid at private. Instead of bleeding the $150K in private school, I invest it and can gift to kids when they're older. They'll get far more use out of the cash than spending a decade trying to keep up with the uber-rich trust fund class.

So it might be worth it to you but - been there, and it wasn't worth all that.

You applied to a school with $50k tuition and determined the student body would be richer and this was a surprise to you?
You sound super out of touch. There are a lot of choices in between a bad public school and a $50k school. There is a whole lot more to school than math enrichment and test scores. My kids left MCPS and could barely write a paper. The English curriculum is terrible. But they sure could take a standardized test!

Potomac and FHS are around $45K for MS and HS. Add the bus fees, lunch, tech/compu fees, books, uniforms and you're at $50K. There are no other real choices other than Catholic schools. Those are cheap, yes, but they are not better than public schools. the only reason to choose Catholic is if you want religious instructions. Otherwise, academics are clearly better in public as most Catholics are not worth paying for.

[Anonymous]

Your options are:

-Stick with public
-Find the money somewhere (sell your house and move to smaller, sell a car, cancel cable or other subscriptions, cancel gym, no eating out or fun money)
-Earn the money- frankly DW can get a higher paying job if it's so important to her or pick up a second job

You CAN NOT go into private school as-is literally knowing you'll be in the red every month. That's absolutely insane and will be a disservice to your kids in a million more ways than private school with enhance their lives.

My own opinion- my DH went to mediocre public schools then his parents paid for his and BIL's college in full. I went to private schools and my parents gave me $10k for college, I graduated with $80k debt. I think that was the most idiotic thing my parents did. I grew up feeling so inadequate- the poorest kid in private. I didn't understand why all the other kids wore these insane clothes, shoes, backpacks, did travel sports, went on trips, lived in mansions. We couldn't afford any of that or for me to have birthday parties, the country club membership they all had, the sleep away camps they all went to, friend's parents would invite me on trips but I couldn't go because we couldn't pay my way. It was a lifestyle I had no business being exposed to at such a young age. I HATED it. I would have been SO much happier in public school with kids like me that met at the neighborhood park and did park district sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your options are:

-Stick with public
-Find the money somewhere (sell your house and move to smaller, sell a car, cancel cable or other subscriptions, cancel gym, no eating out or fun money)
-Earn the money- frankly DW can get a higher paying job if it's so important to her or pick up a second job

You CAN NOT go into private school as-is literally knowing you'll be in the red every month. That's absolutely insane and will be a disservice to your kids in a million more ways than private school with enhance their lives.

My own opinion- my DH went to mediocre public schools then his parents paid for his and BIL's college in full. I went to private schools and my parents gave me $10k for college, I graduated with $80k debt. I think that was the most idiotic thing my parents did. I grew up feeling so inadequate- the poorest kid in private. I didn't understand why all the other kids wore these insane clothes, shoes, backpacks, did travel sports, went on trips, lived in mansions. We couldn't afford any of that or for me to have birthday parties, the country club membership they all had, the sleep away camps they all went to, friend's parents would invite me on trips but I couldn't go because we couldn't pay my way. It was a lifestyle I had no business being exposed to at such a young age. I HATED it. I would have been SO much happier in public school with kids like me that met at the neighborhood park and did park district sports.

PP here again and I don't even think I can emphasize how strongly I feel about this. If you aren't a "private school family" please do not throw your kids to the wolves of that life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public schools often do a better job in college admissions than privates. Spend extra money on tutors and extracurricular academic programs which will be a tiny amount compared to private school. Your kids will be top dogs at the public and have great college options, including for merit aid.

Focus on math, writing, and science tutoring.

Everybody wins and you can still save for college and retirement.

+1. We have a high HHI of $600K, can afford private (not in DC area), kids go to a good public school (not the best in the area). We spend a ton of money on enrichment, tutoring. Feels like we get better ROI vs. paying for privates.

+1. We are in the same boat. Applied to private last year but turned it down bc the $50K/year is just stupid. Instead, we save money, spend on enrichment and live a stress-free life. It is so nice to not worry about a tuition bill that would hamstring us.

OP, I went to a fancy private school. I had a wonderful experience and credit a lot of my life experiences to that private school. However, my younger sibling who went to a public school is pretty on par with salary and career as myself. I make $450K (attorney) and he makes $450K (doctor). One in private and the other in public. WE also both went to the same state flagship school.

I think way too much stock is put in private school. If your kid is in a good public with parents who support and foster education, your DC will be just fine. Save the money,

This just occurred to me, reading your post. I wonder if a family with a $900k HHI feels less pressure to go to private because you've already proved your worth and you might not have class anxiety. I wonder if OP's wife doesn't feel as secure, and so she's pushing to send the kids to private because she feels she needs the validation of the kids being in private - and also I wonder if she feels the kids need to be socialized around the super rich kids in a way you don't because you're so wealthy.

Sort of the same way that rich people can bang around in a sh***y car because they don't have to prove anything to anyone, but someone who is more middle class feels the need to drive a good car in order to prove they belong.

(And I believe anyone with a HHI of $220k is doing awesome and should feel very good about what they've gotten in this hard life, but it may be that OP's wife feels like she wants to open up a different world to her kids or feels some class anxiety.)

Just to correct, our HHI is not $900K - it's about $650K. The $450 and $450K was the example of how my younger brother and I - despite going to private v public school - both make the same salary.

That said, I recognize that at $650HHI we still likely feel less pressure to validate our decisions and/or standing. 6 years ago, our HHI was around $200K and I did struggle with public v private - in part because it seemed like the shiny, out of reach option that we could not afford. After we went through the application process and I realized that private schools were not what I thought they were, I feel a bit more confident in our decision. Plus, the benefit of time and experience is that you see how things are turning out. My DD in 8th is doing great and the math enrichments have really paid off.

All that said, OP's wife should not bankrupt them for private school. It's a long road and hopefully they can gain wealth through savings and come out ahead.

Ah sorry, I read your post too quickly. But I do wonder if that idea stands - that someone with a very high HHI is free of class anxiety in a way that someone like OP's wife is not.

And again, $200k is a very very very nice HHI - but maybe the thing is it's just on the cusp of wealthy, and that provokes some of this stuff OP and his wife are going through.

Then again I can easily picture someone with an HHI of $900k feeling anxiety that they aren't bringing in a million, and needing to prove themselves to THAT group of people or whatever.

I think that mentality likely drives 90% of private school admissions. It's a keeping up with the Joneses parade.

Are some of you unaware of what is going on in some school systems? My older kids went to public and I assumed my younger ones would, too. Then Covid happened and they’re now in private. It’s not a keeping up with the Joneses for many people. Have you seen the latest scores from MCPS? It’s concerning.

The scores are a reflection of learning losses due to COVID. Why wouldn't they be lower? Are you afraid COVID caused the teachers to forget how to teach like they did before COVID and now the kids are learning nothing? It's the same teachers, same curriculum.

Yes, that is the reason and why many of us pulled our kids out of public school so they could go to school in-person. These studies are validating that choice. And now public schools are stuck with tons of kids who are a year or two behind and the teachers will have to spend their time catching those kids up. Kids who didn't suffer this learning loss will not be the priority in large public school classes where the teaching is focusing on getting the bulk of the class back up to grade level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public schools often do a better job in college admissions than privates. Spend extra money on tutors and extracurricular academic programs which will be a tiny amount compared to private school. Your kids will be top dogs at the public and have great college options, including for merit aid.

Focus on math, writing, and science tutoring.

Everybody wins and you can still save for college and retirement.

+1. We have a high HHI of $600K, can afford private (not in DC area), kids go to a good public school (not the best in the area). We spend a ton of money on enrichment, tutoring. Feels like we get better ROI vs. paying for privates.

+1. We are in the same boat. Applied to private last year but turned it down bc the $50K/year is just stupid. Instead, we save money, spend on enrichment and live a stress-free life. It is so nice to not worry about a tuition bill that would hamstring us.

OP, I went to a fancy private school. I had a wonderful experience and credit a lot of my life experiences to that private school. However, my younger sibling who went to a public school is pretty on par with salary and career as myself. I make $450K (attorney) and he makes $450K (doctor). One in private and the other in public. WE also both went to the same state flagship school.

I think way too much stock is put in private school. If your kid is in a good public with parents who support and foster education, your DC will be just fine. Save the money,

This just occurred to me, reading your post. I wonder if a family with a $900k HHI feels less pressure to go to private because you've already proved your worth and you might not have class anxiety. I wonder if OP's wife doesn't feel as secure, and so she's pushing to send the kids to private because she feels she needs the validation of the kids being in private - and also I wonder if she feels the kids need to be socialized around the super rich kids in a way you don't because you're so wealthy.

Sort of the same way that rich people can bang around in a sh***y car because they don't have to prove anything to anyone, but someone who is more middle class feels the need to drive a good car in order to prove they belong.

(And I believe anyone with a HHI of $220k is doing awesome and should feel very good about what they've gotten in this hard life, but it may be that OP's wife feels like she wants to open up a different world to her kids or feels some class anxiety.)

Just to correct, our HHI is not $900K - it's about $650K. The $450 and $450K was the example of how my younger brother and I - despite going to private v public school - both make the same salary.

That said, I recognize that at $650HHI we still likely feel less pressure to validate our decisions and/or standing. 6 years ago, our HHI was around $200K and I did struggle with public v private - in part because it seemed like the shiny, out of reach option that we could not afford. After we went through the application process and I realized that private schools were not what I thought they were, I feel a bit more confident in our decision. Plus, the benefit of time and experience is that you see how things are turning out. My DD in 8th is doing great and the math enrichments have really paid off.

All that said, OP's wife should not bankrupt them for private school. It's a long road and hopefully they can gain wealth through savings and come out ahead.

Ah sorry, I read your post too quickly. But I do wonder if that idea stands - that someone with a very high HHI is free of class anxiety in a way that someone like OP's wife is not.

And again, $200k is a very very very nice HHI - but maybe the thing is it's just on the cusp of wealthy, and that provokes some of this stuff OP and his wife are going through.

Then again I can easily picture someone with an HHI of $900k feeling anxiety that they aren't bringing in a million, and needing to prove themselves to THAT group of people or whatever.

I think that mentality likely drives 90% of private school admissions. It's a keeping up with the Joneses parade.

Are some of you unaware of what is going on in some school systems? My older kids went to public and I assumed my younger ones would, too. Then Covid happened and they’re now in private. It’s not a keeping up with the Joneses for many people. Have you seen the latest scores from MCPS? It’s concerning.

The scores are a reflection of learning losses due to COVID. Why wouldn't they be lower? Are you afraid COVID caused the teachers to forget how to teach like they did before COVID and now the kids are learning nothing? It's the same teachers, same curriculum.

It's not the same curriculum if the teachers have to go back and make up for the lost learning. So many teachers left during COVID. If you think it's the same, you are delusional.
Bottom line, most of these comments are only worried about the bottom line, with little regard to education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public schools often do a better job in college admissions than privates. Spend extra money on tutors and extracurricular academic programs which will be a tiny amount compared to private school. Your kids will be top dogs at the public and have great college options, including for merit aid.

Focus on math, writing, and science tutoring.

Everybody wins and you can still save for college and retirement.

+1. We have a high HHI of $600K, can afford private (not in DC area), kids go to a good public school (not the best in the area). We spend a ton of money on enrichment, tutoring. Feels like we get better ROI vs. paying for privates.

+1. We are in the same boat. Applied to private last year but turned it down bc the $50K/year is just stupid. Instead, we save money, spend on enrichment and live a stress-free life. It is so nice to not worry about a tuition bill that would hamstring us.

OP, I went to a fancy private school. I had a wonderful experience and credit a lot of my life experiences to that private school. However, my younger sibling who went to a public school is pretty on par with salary and career as myself. I make $450K (attorney) and he makes $450K (doctor). One in private and the other in public. WE also both went to the same state flagship school.

I think way too much stock is put in private school. If your kid is in a good public with parents who support and foster education, your DC will be just fine. Save the money,

This just occurred to me, reading your post. I wonder if a family with a $900k HHI feels less pressure to go to private because you've already proved your worth and you might not have class anxiety. I wonder if OP's wife doesn't feel as secure, and so she's pushing to send the kids to private because she feels she needs the validation of the kids being in private - and also I wonder if she feels the kids need to be socialized around the super rich kids in a way you don't because you're so wealthy.

Sort of the same way that rich people can bang around in a sh***y car because they don't have to prove anything to anyone, but someone who is more middle class feels the need to drive a good car in order to prove they belong.

(And I believe anyone with a HHI of $220k is doing awesome and should feel very good about what they've gotten in this hard life, but it may be that OP's wife feels like she wants to open up a different world to her kids or feels some class anxiety.)

Just to correct, our HHI is not $900K - it's about $650K. The $450 and $450K was the example of how my younger brother and I - despite going to private v public school - both make the same salary.

That said, I recognize that at $650HHI we still likely feel less pressure to validate our decisions and/or standing. 6 years ago, our HHI was around $200K and I did struggle with public v private - in part because it seemed like the shiny, out of reach option that we could not afford. After we went through the application process and I realized that private schools were not what I thought they were, I feel a bit more confident in our decision. Plus, the benefit of time and experience is that you see how things are turning out. My DD in 8th is doing great and the math enrichments have really paid off.

All that said, OP's wife should not bankrupt them for private school. It's a long road and hopefully they can gain wealth through savings and come out ahead.

Ah sorry, I read your post too quickly. But I do wonder if that idea stands - that someone with a very high HHI is free of class anxiety in a way that someone like OP's wife is not.

And again, $200k is a very very very nice HHI - but maybe the thing is it's just on the cusp of wealthy, and that provokes some of this stuff OP and his wife are going through.

Then again I can easily picture someone with an HHI of $900k feeling anxiety that they aren't bringing in a million, and needing to prove themselves to THAT group of people or whatever.

I think that mentality likely drives 90% of private school admissions. It's a keeping up with the Joneses parade.

Are some of you unaware of what is going on in some school systems? My older kids went to public and I assumed my younger ones would, too. Then Covid happened and they’re now in private. It’s not a keeping up with the Joneses for many people. Have you seen the latest scores from MCPS? It’s concerning.

Yawn. Yes, I have. We have all read the same things that you do. I still don't think the private schools are worth anywhere near $50K per kid. If it were $25K, maybe. What I found, in our application process, that the private school kids were not more academically inclined than the other AAP or honors public school kids, but they were richer. I don't think it is worth it for our family to pay $150K per year for the next 6 years just for my kids to go to school with rich kids. We do math enrichment, among other things. My children have all tested great, do well in honors/AAP, and have a ton of other extracurriculars. All for less than what I would've spent on one kid at private. Instead of bleeding the $150K in private school, I invest it and can gift to kids when they're older. They'll get far more use out of the cash than spending a decade trying to keep up with the uber-rich trust fund class.

So it might be worth it to you but - been there, and it wasn't worth all that.

You applied to a school with $50k tuition and determined the student body would be richer and this was a surprise to you?
You sound super out of touch. There are a lot of choices in between a bad public school and a $50k school. There is a whole lot more to school than math enrichment and test scores. My kids left MCPS and could barely write a paper. The English curriculum is terrible. But they sure could take a standardized test!

Potomac and FHS are around $45K for MS and HS. Add the bus fees, lunch, tech/compu fees, books, uniforms and you're at $50K. There are no other real choices other than Catholic schools. Those are cheap, yes, but they are not better than public schools. the only reason to choose Catholic is if you want religious instructions. Otherwise, academics are clearly better in public as most Catholics are not worth paying for.

That may have been true in the past (that catholic aren't that much stronger academically), but it's not true in the current climate IMO. At least in MCPS.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.

You think it’s worth it because confirmation bias. It was actually a dumb decision.

I am a public school parent and I think it’s highly that PP is wrong. Covid has been abysmal for so many students, especially those who were supposed to be learning foundational topics like reading for K and advanced math for middle and high school, and of course the impact is even worse for a kid with even the smallest special need. You just cannot learn as well over a computer, and private schools did much less of that. This isn’t even factoring in the fact that private schools are far more likely to have a content-rich curriculum and good writing composition instruction, and much less of a problem with behavioral issues in the transition back to the classroom. This is reflected in data. It’s not confirmation bias unless PP’s public school option was a unicorn.

There is actually very little data supporting that private schools have better outcomes due to the school. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.3102/0013189X18785632

UMC/MC parents who value education make sacrifices, but cannot sacrifice their entire financial lives. You move to a better school district, stay involved in school, get tutoring, get into the good programs.

This article was published in 2018! This is your supporting evidence
My gosh a discussion on education from people focused on finances is eye opening.

um care to elaborate?

I would love to discuss the merits of mansions and lux European vacations. The fact that my finances won’t pay for them is pretty much the determining factor, regardless of how nice they are.

and again - sacrificing for education is noble. people like OP do that by moving to a better public school district, getting tutors, getting kids into the best programs. not by bankrupting themselves and sticking their kids with student loans.

So do you say no we will never go on vacation or buy a home or do you look for more reasonable alternatives to vacation at like a drivable beach and a house to live in?
Cause from your response it sounds like you lay down and throw a tantrum that you can't have a mansion and european vacation. Some of you boys on here are so much drama. So black and white.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the whole thread, but don’t get sucked in if it is a stretch at the outset. It only gets more expensive, with tuition increases yearly. Sometimes big ones. Not to mention the pressure to participate with schoolmates in activities that cost $$.

[Anonymous]

You need an outside arbiter. A financial advisor or marriage counselor, maybe?