We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?
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Anonymous
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DW wants to send our kids to private schools (HS and MS). The publics near us are okay but not great. I would like to send them to private too but it would put a lot of pressure on our finances. We definitely don’t qualify for financial aid. Even if we tighten our budget (and reduce our savings contribution to zero) we would still be short every month (around $500 to $1k depending on how much we tighten). We have a decent e-fund but I’d like to save it for emergencies and not covering any gaps that might come from this.
When I brought these concerns up, she said she would take money out of their college fund to cover it, which isn’t as robust as it should be, and even reduce her retirement savings. She also seems to assuming we’re going to be making more in later years. This just concerns me on so many levels, esp if something unexpected were to happen (job loss, car breakdown, etc.) I don’t want to jeopardize our finances but not sure how to help her see how this could impacts us. Help! |
Anonymous
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Can she articulate why this is so important to her? I'm wondering if it cuts deep to primal fears about not providing "enough" for her children, or to the ego's need for the status of a private school.
Do you have friends at the public schools who could give you a (positive) run down? Can you tour the schools? I don't know your political leanings but listening to Nikole Hannah Jones' podcast "The Problem We All Live With" really hits home the important of public schools and the damage caused by self-segregation. Would that line of argument be persuasive to her? Honestly a $500-$1k deficit EACH MONTH seems insane. If she can't be mollified by your arguments, could you move to a public district she feels better about? |
Anonymous
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You can't afford it if it means cutting savings to zero and still being short every month. That's crazy. Also, paying out from the college funds is a terrible idea. Why would your wife suddenly be ok with state schools (probably the only option with drained accounts) after insisting on overextending for private 6-12 grade?
You could suggest moving as another option if the public schools where you currently live are a no go. Either an area with better public schools or a much cheaper place that would free up cash flow could work. Might be hard with the current interest rates though. |
Anonymous
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OP
Hard no. Either move to a better district or figure out all the wonderful things yours has to offer and get involved. |
Anonymous
| Very dumb move. |
Anonymous
| I’m in the same boat brother. Wife rules the roost on this. I see no benefit in private |
Anonymous
| this is messed up brother. Can we ask your HHI? |
Anonymous
| Can you look at less expensive privates, like parochial schools? In spite of what DCUM thinks, a lot of them are very good. |
Anonymous
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Does your wife work?
Do it for a year and see if it actually punches your budget. |
Anonymous
still wouldnt save much |
Anonymous
| Another vote for Hard NO. |
Anonymous
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Just say no.
Give her the numbers showing a big red negative each month. Tell her college savings is off limits. |
Anonymous
OP said after "tightening" they would be short every month. This is clearly a hard no. |
Anonymous
| Not all private schools are crazy expensive. Parochial schools might be a good option. If not, maybe look at moving to a smaller/older house in a better public school district. Or, moving to a less desirable neighborhood to free up mortgage money. Although with interest rates at 7% it's a bad time to do either of those |
Anonymous
As a school teacher in public school, I disagree with you. There is a HUGE benefit when the school system sucks for your county. I teach public school and send my kids to private. We are in PG county.... OP, would it be possible to do private school for high school only? So middle schooler stays but high school gets private? Would that help meet both of your needs while compromising? |