We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to an area with great public schools.

Problem solved.

Haha yeah, just sell your house and buy one in a more expensive area with interest rates nearing 7%! Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you don't qualify for financial aid/stepped tuition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Many of us (my family included) go to Catholic schools and are not Catholic. It’s not an issue. My child must take some religion type classes but they are more theological in nature.

We were looking at a decent catholic HS for our 8th grade private school DS. Couldn't justify giving $$ to Catholic Church. So he will be going to a much more expensive private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Many of us (my family included) go to Catholic schools and are not Catholic. It’s not an issue. My child must take some religion type classes but they are more theological in nature.

We were looking at a decent catholic HS for our 8th grade private school DS. Couldn't justify giving $$ to Catholic Church. So he will be going to a much more expensive private.

That's a fair point - I think giving money to the Catholic Church today feels ickier than it did 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW wants to send our kids to private schools (HS and MS). The publics near us are okay but not great. I would like to send them to private too but it would put a lot of pressure on our finances. We definitely don’t qualify for financial aid. Even if we tighten our budget (and reduce our savings contribution to zero) we would still be short every month (around $500 to $1k depending on how much we tighten). We have a decent e-fund but I’d like to save it for emergencies and not covering any gaps that might come from this.

When I brought these concerns up, she said she would take money out of their college fund to cover it, which isn’t as robust as it should be, and even reduce her retirement savings. She also seems to assuming we’re going to be making more in later years. This just concerns me on so many levels, esp if something unexpected were to happen (job loss, car breakdown, etc.) I don’t want to jeopardize our finances but not sure how to help her see how this could impacts us. Help!

It's too hard to tell from your post if you really can't afford it or not.
What does cutting savings down to zero really mean? To some people that actually means a nominal amount of 5 - 10% per paycheck. They make so much that such amount feels to them like zero.
How much do you already have in savings? Are you talking like 2 years of living expenses for emergency funds? Where are those savings? Are they liquid or does it mean you have to cash something in and might take a tax hit?
You are right - you can't bank on the idea that you will definitely make more in later years.
No college savings might or might not be a problem. How much do you already have saved for college?
Would you still be putting thousands each year towards vacations? Gifts?
I wouldn't waste the money on private middle school but consider private high school but know why. Do you think it will give your kid a leg up in college admissions? Make sure to check where students are going to college. Many times the local private schools have a lot of kids going to the same colleges as the run of the mill public high school.

I mean, their HHI is 220k and they have TWO kids that the wife wants to put in private. Most of us at that HHI don’t have an extra $50-80k in the budget.

I don't see how the wife thinks this is even remotely a possibility based on your current income. My husband and I make about $250K a year and we have two children. We made closer to $220K when our children were still in daycare, and it felt like we were being crushed financially when we were paying about $40K a year for both of their daycare tuition. The only way this is possible is if either or both of you start making significantly more money. I'd say you need to make at least an additional $100K a year, and even then your finances would feel tight.

Another thing to consider is that people who send their kids to private schools that are around $30K a year will be on a VERY different level then you from a financial perspective. You and your kids will feel pressure to keep up with the jones. You will feel pressure to put your kids in the best activities, to go on expensive trips, buy expensive clothes, and send them to expensive camps. None of that will be possible on your current salary.

If you can't significantly increase your income, and quickly, do not do it.

The social aspect is always ignored for some strange reason. Class matters no matter how hard americans try to deny this.

Ya, your kids will be miserable even if you could figure out the finances (you can’t). We would hesitate and we have a seven figure HHI. Consider people like us are average at privates in this area.

That’s just not true. Maybe if you pick the most expensive private school it is.
There is a huge range within privates in terms of tuition and parent incomes. I can guarantee you a seven figure HHI is NOT average at our private.

Yeah, that’s a ridiculous take. My kid is at the fanciest independent in town. When he started in K, we made $80k and got a lot of FA. Now, 10 years later, we make $220k and are full pay. At no point has he ever been “miserable” because of our (gag) “poverty”. He has friends with more and less money than we have. It just doesn’t matter to kids, or at least not to the nice kids he wants to be friends with.

I wouldn’t worry about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Many of us (my family included) go to Catholic schools and are not Catholic. It’s not an issue. My child must take some religion type classes but they are more theological in nature.

We were looking at a decent catholic HS for our 8th grade private school DS. Couldn't justify giving $$ to Catholic Church. So he will be going to a much more expensive private.

That's a fair point - I think giving money to the Catholic Church today feels ickier than it did 20 years ago.

While a fair point, I don’t think most parochial schools are for profit with the relatively inexpensive tuition they charge.

[Anonymous]

are the public schools terrible in your neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Many of us (my family included) go to Catholic schools and are not Catholic. It’s not an issue. My child must take some religion type classes but they are more theological in nature.

We were looking at a decent catholic HS for our 8th grade private school DS. Couldn't justify giving $$ to Catholic Church. So he will be going to a much more expensive private.

That's a fair point - I think giving money to the Catholic Church today feels ickier than it did 20 years ago.

While a fair point, I don’t think most parochial schools are for profit with the relatively inexpensive tuition they charge.

+1
I understand concerns about the Catholic church, but I'm not in a position to take a moral stand and pay for a more expensive private. My kid would be stuck with MCPS then.

[Anonymous]

There are more liberal Catholic schools, especially ones run by nuns. Catholic social justice is a thing.

[Anonymous]

This is very stressful, OP. Our HHI is three times as high and we don’t feel like we can afford private school tuition for two kids. Communication is key here. Hope you guys can figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Many of us (my family included) go to Catholic schools and are not Catholic. It’s not an issue. My child must take some religion type classes but they are more theological in nature.

We were looking at a decent catholic HS for our 8th grade private school DS. Couldn't justify giving $$ to Catholic Church. So he will be going to a much more expensive private.

That's a fair point - I think giving money to the Catholic Church today feels ickier than it did 20 years ago.

While a fair point, I don’t think most parochial schools are for profit with the relatively inexpensive tuition they charge.

Is it that inexpensive these days?

My senior year tuition at Paul VI was $9,185 in 2004 (so $14,400 in 2022 dollars) and discounts for siblings meant tuition was $22,155 for three kids.

Today it's $23,290 for one kid with no discount for siblings so 61% more expensive (adjusting for inflation) for one kid and ~$70,000/yr instead of $22,155 for three kids. All of that's non-Catholic rate. The Catholics still get a steep discount for siblings.

[Anonymous]

And when I was a freshman in 2000-2001 it was $7,600 for one kid and $18,400 for three! But maybe a 20% increase over the course of school is normal.

[Anonymous]

Apply to a magnet school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat brother. Wife rules the roost on this. I see no benefit in private

As a school teacher in public school, I disagree with you. There is a HUGE benefit when the school system sucks for your county. I teach public school and send my kids to private. We are in PG county.... OP, would it be possible to do private school for high school only? So middle schooler stays but high school gets private? Would that help meet both of your needs while compromising?

This. We made it happen. Reduced college as we wanted foundation to be better. Guess what, they got aid. If that happened they would have taken loans. But good chance they will get aid. Do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat brother. Wife rules the roost on this. I see no benefit in private

As a school teacher in public school, I disagree with you. There is a HUGE benefit when the school system sucks for your county. I teach public school and send my kids to private. We are in PG county.... OP, would it be possible to do private school for high school only? So middle schooler stays but high school gets private? Would that help meet both of your needs while compromising?

This. We made it happen. Reduced college as we wanted foundation to be better. Guess what, they got aid. If that happened they would have taken loans. But good chance they will get aid. Do it.

Actually the only thing similar here is one of us is a public school teacher and we sent both to private -preschool to elementary. Middle onwards public.