We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW wants to send our kids to private schools (HS and MS). The publics near us are okay but not great. I would like to send them to private too but it would put a lot of pressure on our finances. We definitely don’t qualify for financial aid. Even if we tighten our budget (and reduce our savings contribution to zero) we would still be short every month (around $500 to $1k depending on how much we tighten). We have a decent e-fund but I’d like to save it for emergencies and not covering any gaps that might come from this.

When I brought these concerns up, she said she would take money out of their college fund to cover it, which isn’t as robust as it should be, and even reduce her retirement savings. She also seems to assuming we’re going to be making more in later years. This just concerns me on so many levels, esp if something unexpected were to happen (job loss, car breakdown, etc.) I don’t want to jeopardize our finances but not sure how to help her see how this could impacts us. Help!

It's too hard to tell from your post if you really can't afford it or not.
What does cutting savings down to zero really mean? To some people that actually means a nominal amount of 5 - 10% per paycheck. They make so much that such amount feels to them like zero.
How much do you already have in savings? Are you talking like 2 years of living expenses for emergency funds? Where are those savings? Are they liquid or does it mean you have to cash something in and might take a tax hit?
You are right - you can't bank on the idea that you will definitely make more in later years.
No college savings might or might not be a problem. How much do you already have saved for college?
Would you still be putting thousands each year towards vacations? Gifts?
I wouldn't waste the money on private middle school but consider private high school but know why. Do you think it will give your kid a leg up in college admissions? Make sure to check where students are going to college. Many times the local private schools have a lot of kids going to the same colleges as the run of the mill public high school.

I mean, their HHI is 220k and they have TWO kids that the wife wants to put in private. Most of us at that HHI don’t have an extra $50-80k in the budget.

I don't see how the wife thinks this is even remotely a possibility based on your current income. My husband and I make about $250K a year and we have two children. We made closer to $220K when our children were still in daycare, and it felt like we were being crushed financially when we were paying about $40K a year for both of their daycare tuition. The only way this is possible is if either or both of you start making significantly more money. I'd say you need to make at least an additional $100K a year, and even then your finances would feel tight.

Another thing to consider is that people who send their kids to private schools that are around $30K a year will be on a VERY different level then you from a financial perspective. You and your kids will feel pressure to keep up with the jones. You will feel pressure to put your kids in the best activities, to go on expensive trips, buy expensive clothes, and send them to expensive camps. None of that will be possible on your current salary.

If you can't significantly increase your income, and quickly, do not do it.

The social aspect is always ignored for some strange reason. Class matters no matter how hard americans try to deny this.

Ya, your kids will be miserable even if you could figure out the finances (you can’t). We would hesitate and we have a seven figure HHI. Consider people like us are average at privates in this area.

That’s just not true. Maybe if you pick the most expensive private school it is.
There is a huge range within privates in terms of tuition and parent incomes. I can guarantee you a seven figure HHI is NOT average at our private.

[Anonymous]

That would require one or both of you to increase work hours or take up side jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- we both work. HHI around $220k. We drive older cars hence my car breakdown concerns. We refinanced during the pandemic but it’s now on a 15 year and there’s no way we’d refinance to a 30 year now. (Clearly weren’t anticipating this).

I don't know how much it would matter but this is why I advocate for 30 year mortgages and paying extra if you want to pay it off sooner. That flexibility is nice to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MCPS is a train wreck. If you live in that district avoid that awful school district at all costs. The council members are destroying it

Why is MCPS so bad?

[Anonymous]

I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make a decision like this while we’re in a recession. So many layoffs are going to happening between now until next year spring.

I’m in a facebook group about finances and the shocked layoffs have already begun.

Make sure you’re secure in your job.

[Anonymous]

No. She is right about good privates being much better than good public schools but you can't jeopardize your finances like this.

Find a compromise, invest on tuitions and extracurriculars, ROI is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MCPS is a train wreck. If you live in that district avoid that awful school district at all costs. The council members are destroying it

Why is MCPS so bad?

It's not. It's one of the best school districts in country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Pp here. We’re in a similar income bracket. We’re Jewish and will be doing Jewish day school. We’re not observant but culturally fine with it, and found a school comprised of families like ours. I can’t speak to non Jewish parochial schools, but there must be many families in the same position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Pp here. We’re in a similar income bracket. We’re Jewish and will be doing Jewish day school. We’re not observant but culturally fine with it, and found a school comprised of families like ours. I can’t speak to non Jewish parochial schools, but there must be many families in the same position.

I will add though that this may be a more difficult route in an interfaith situation (I couldn’t tell based on your post if that was the case for your family.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Eh, how so?

Maybe things have changed but my brothers and I went to Catholic schools through high school and we grew up Lutheran. It was a complete non-issue. The only times I can remember it even coming up was a) not doing first communion class in grade school and b) not doing confessions/communion in high school.

My friends and I talked about religion exactly zero times outside of religion class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really get this. Parochial schools are much more affordable for this type of situation. Is the issue that many don’t go through high school? You can pick a private education that you can afford. There are price tiers, like there are for every other commodity. Just because you don’t want your kids in a crappy school district, doesn’t mean they need to go to the top school either

The issue with parochial school is that you're in for a potentially hard time if your family is not particularly religious.

We are a lapsed Lutheran/culturally Jewish family. We can easily afford parochial, but not not crazy expensive "independent" schools. $400K HHI with two kids.

Which independent schools would be right for us? None that I've been able to identify.

-New poster

Many of us (my family included) go to Catholic schools and are not Catholic. It’s not an issue. My child must take some religion type classes but they are more theological in nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW wants to send our kids to private schools (HS and MS). The publics near us are okay but not great. I would like to send them to private too but it would put a lot of pressure on our finances. We definitely don’t qualify for financial aid. Even if we tighten our budget (and reduce our savings contribution to zero) we would still be short every month (around $500 to $1k depending on how much we tighten). We have a decent e-fund but I’d like to save it for emergencies and not covering any gaps that might come from this.

When I brought these concerns up, she said she would take money out of their college fund to cover it, which isn’t as robust as it should be, and even reduce her retirement savings. She also seems to assuming we’re going to be making more in later years. This just concerns me on so many levels, esp if something unexpected were to happen (job loss, car breakdown, etc.) I don’t want to jeopardize our finances but not sure how to help her see how this could impacts us. Help!

It's too hard to tell from your post if you really can't afford it or not.
What does cutting savings down to zero really mean? To some people that actually means a nominal amount of 5 - 10% per paycheck. They make so much that such amount feels to them like zero.
How much do you already have in savings? Are you talking like 2 years of living expenses for emergency funds? Where are those savings? Are they liquid or does it mean you have to cash something in and might take a tax hit?
You are right - you can't bank on the idea that you will definitely make more in later years.
No college savings might or might not be a problem. How much do you already have saved for college?
Would you still be putting thousands each year towards vacations? Gifts?
I wouldn't waste the money on private middle school but consider private high school but know why. Do you think it will give your kid a leg up in college admissions? Make sure to check where students are going to college. Many times the local private schools have a lot of kids going to the same colleges as the run of the mill public high school.

I mean, their HHI is 220k and they have TWO kids that the wife wants to put in private. Most of us at that HHI don’t have an extra $50-80k in the budget.

I don't see how the wife thinks this is even remotely a possibility based on your current income. My husband and I make about $250K a year and we have two children. We made closer to $220K when our children were still in daycare, and it felt like we were being crushed financially when we were paying about $40K a year for both of their daycare tuition. The only way this is possible is if either or both of you start making significantly more money. I'd say you need to make at least an additional $100K a year, and even then your finances would feel tight.

Another thing to consider is that people who send their kids to private schools that are around $30K a year will be on a VERY different level then you from a financial perspective. You and your kids will feel pressure to keep up with the jones. You will feel pressure to put your kids in the best activities, to go on expensive trips, buy expensive clothes, and send them to expensive camps. None of that will be possible on your current salary.

If you can't significantly increase your income, and quickly, do not do it.

The social aspect is always ignored for some strange reason. Class matters no matter how hard americans try to deny this.

Ya, your kids will be miserable even if you could figure out the finances (you can’t). We would hesitate and we have a seven figure HHI. Consider people like us are average at privates in this area.

That’s just not true. Maybe if you pick the most expensive private school it is.
There is a huge range within privates in terms of tuition and parent incomes. I can guarantee you a seven figure HHI is NOT average at our private.

Yeah, that’s a ridiculous take. My kid is at the fanciest independent in town. When he started in K, we made $80k and got a lot of FA. Now, 10 years later, we make $220k and are full pay. At no point has he ever been “miserable” because of our (gag) “poverty”. He has friends with more and less money than we have. It just doesn’t matter to kids, or at least not to the nice kids he wants to be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Move to an area with great public schools.

Problem solved.