We can’t afford it but she wants it. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your options are:

-Stick with public
-Find the money somewhere (sell your house and move to smaller, sell a car, cancel cable or other subscriptions, cancel gym, no eating out or fun money)
-Earn the money- frankly DW can get a higher paying job if it's so important to her or pick up a second job

You CAN NOT go into private school as-is literally knowing you'll be in the red every month. That's absolutely insane and will be a disservice to your kids in a million more ways than private school with enhance their lives.

My own opinion- my DH went to mediocre public schools then his parents paid for his and BIL's college in full. I went to private schools and my parents gave me $10k for college, I graduated with $80k debt. I think that was the most idiotic thing my parents did. I grew up feeling so inadequate- the poorest kid in private. I didn't understand why all the other kids wore these insane clothes, shoes, backpacks, did travel sports, went on trips, lived in mansions. We couldn't afford any of that or for me to have birthday parties, the country club membership they all had, the sleep away camps they all went to, friend's parents would invite me on trips but I couldn't go because we couldn't pay my way. It was a lifestyle I had no business being exposed to at such a young age. I HATED it. I would have been SO much happier in public school with kids like me that met at the neighborhood park and did park district sports.

Poor baby. Want a pacifier and no parents supporting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.

You think it’s worth it because confirmation bias. It was actually a dumb decision.

I am a public school parent and I think it’s highly that PP is wrong. Covid has been abysmal for so many students, especially those who were supposed to be learning foundational topics like reading for K and advanced math for middle and high school, and of course the impact is even worse for a kid with even the smallest special need. You just cannot learn as well over a computer, and private schools did much less of that. This isn’t even factoring in the fact that private schools are far more likely to have a content-rich curriculum and good writing composition instruction, and much less of a problem with behavioral issues in the transition back to the classroom. This is reflected in data. It’s not confirmation bias unless PP’s public school option was a unicorn.

There is actually very little data supporting that private schools have better outcomes due to the school. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.3102/0013189X18785632

UMC/MC parents who value education make sacrifices, but cannot sacrifice their entire financial lives. You move to a better school district, stay involved in school, get tutoring, get into the good programs.

This article was published in 2018! This is your supporting evidence
My gosh a discussion on education from people focused on finances is eye opening.

um care to elaborate?

I would love to discuss the merits of mansions and lux European vacations. The fact that my finances won’t pay for them is pretty much the determining factor, regardless of how nice they are.

and again - sacrificing for education is noble. people like OP do that by moving to a better public school district, getting tutors, getting kids into the best programs. not by bankrupting themselves and sticking their kids with student loans.

What do you need elaboration on? A study from 2018 clearly isn’t helpful given the events of the past couple years. If you can’t figure that out, I can’t help you.

it sounds like OP failed to purchase in a good public school area. He has not Made any mention of his intent to remedy that now, has he?

[Anonymous]

OP speak now or forever hold your peace

[Anonymous]

Have her get a job making more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your options are:

-Stick with public
-Find the money somewhere (sell your house and move to smaller, sell a car, cancel cable or other subscriptions, cancel gym, no eating out or fun money)
-Earn the money- frankly DW can get a higher paying job if it's so important to her or pick up a second job

You CAN NOT go into private school as-is literally knowing you'll be in the red every month. That's absolutely insane and will be a disservice to your kids in a million more ways than private school with enhance their lives.

My own opinion- my DH went to mediocre public schools then his parents paid for his and BIL's college in full. I went to private schools and my parents gave me $10k for college, I graduated with $80k debt. I think that was the most idiotic thing my parents did. I grew up feeling so inadequate- the poorest kid in private. I didn't understand why all the other kids wore these insane clothes, shoes, backpacks, did travel sports, went on trips, lived in mansions. We couldn't afford any of that or for me to have birthday parties, the country club membership they all had, the sleep away camps they all went to, friend's parents would invite me on trips but I couldn't go because we couldn't pay my way. It was a lifestyle I had no business being exposed to at such a young age. I HATED it. I would have been SO much happier in public school with kids like me that met at the neighborhood park and did park district sports.

Poor baby. Want a pacifier and no parents supporting you?

There's research to back up what the PP is saying here (people are more content when they aren't the poorest in the social group). She's also not saying her parents didn't support her; she's saying that the way they chose to support her turned out to be a waste of money, compared to how her IL's did it for her husband.

Clearly a grown adult only lashes out with a silly school yard insult when a PP's post has introduced the niggling fear that you might be wasting a boatload of money on making your kid turn exactly as they would in public school, just less content and poorer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.

You think it’s worth it because confirmation bias. It was actually a dumb decision.

I am a public school parent and I think it’s highly that PP is wrong. Covid has been abysmal for so many students, especially those who were supposed to be learning foundational topics like reading for K and advanced math for middle and high school, and of course the impact is even worse for a kid with even the smallest special need. You just cannot learn as well over a computer, and private schools did much less of that. This isn’t even factoring in the fact that private schools are far more likely to have a content-rich curriculum and good writing composition instruction, and much less of a problem with behavioral issues in the transition back to the classroom. This is reflected in data. It’s not confirmation bias unless PP’s public school option was a unicorn.

There is actually very little data supporting that private schools have better outcomes due to the school. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.3102/0013189X18785632

UMC/MC parents who value education make sacrifices, but cannot sacrifice their entire financial lives. You move to a better school district, stay involved in school, get tutoring, get into the good programs.

This article was published in 2018! This is your supporting evidence
My gosh a discussion on education from people focused on finances is eye opening.

um care to elaborate?

I would love to discuss the merits of mansions and lux European vacations. The fact that my finances won’t pay for them is pretty much the determining factor, regardless of how nice they are.

and again - sacrificing for education is noble. people like OP do that by moving to a better public school district, getting tutors, getting kids into the best programs. not by bankrupting themselves and sticking their kids with student loans.

What do you need elaboration on? A study from 2018 clearly isn’t helpful given the events of the past couple years. If you can’t figure that out, I can’t help you.

it sounds like OP failed to purchase in a good public school area. He has not Made any mention of his intent to remedy that now, has he?

as if poor public school test scores make OP magically earn more money? for someone who claims to value education, you make very little sense. OP cannot afford it. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.

You think it’s worth it because confirmation bias. It was actually a dumb decision.

I am a public school parent and I think it’s highly that PP is wrong. Covid has been abysmal for so many students, especially those who were supposed to be learning foundational topics like reading for K and advanced math for middle and high school, and of course the impact is even worse for a kid with even the smallest special need. You just cannot learn as well over a computer, and private schools did much less of that. This isn’t even factoring in the fact that private schools are far more likely to have a content-rich curriculum and good writing composition instruction, and much less of a problem with behavioral issues in the transition back to the classroom. This is reflected in data. It’s not confirmation bias unless PP’s public school option was a unicorn.

There is actually very little data supporting that private schools have better outcomes due to the school. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.3102/0013189X18785632

UMC/MC parents who value education make sacrifices, but cannot sacrifice their entire financial lives. You move to a better school district, stay involved in school, get tutoring, get into the good programs.

This article was published in 2018! This is your supporting evidence
My gosh a discussion on education from people focused on finances is eye opening.

um care to elaborate?

I would love to discuss the merits of mansions and lux European vacations. The fact that my finances won’t pay for them is pretty much the determining factor, regardless of how nice they are.

and again - sacrificing for education is noble. people like OP do that by moving to a better public school district, getting tutors, getting kids into the best programs. not by bankrupting themselves and sticking their kids with student loans.

What do you need elaboration on? A study from 2018 clearly isn’t helpful given the events of the past couple years. If you can’t figure that out, I can’t help you.

it sounds like OP failed to purchase in a good public school area. He has not Made any mention of his intent to remedy that now, has he?

as if poor public school test scores make OP magically earn more money? for someone who claims to value education, you make very little sense. OP cannot afford it. Period.

People who speak in absolutes are usually wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think either one of you is necessarily wrong. It’s hard without more facts. Obviously we’re getting your side and you don’t seem to believe they are good either. How involved are you with your kids schools - who is sitting and doing their homework with them? Do your kids have any challenges with schools? Is it possible to move to an area with better public schools? Can you cut vacation to make up the deficit?
We left public during Covid and it’s stressed our finances. I absolutely believe it’s been worth it though.
I would also look at catholic schools and at least apply for financial aid.

You think it’s worth it because confirmation bias. It was actually a dumb decision.

I am a public school parent and I think it’s highly that PP is wrong. Covid has been abysmal for so many students, especially those who were supposed to be learning foundational topics like reading for K and advanced math for middle and high school, and of course the impact is even worse for a kid with even the smallest special need. You just cannot learn as well over a computer, and private schools did much less of that. This isn’t even factoring in the fact that private schools are far more likely to have a content-rich curriculum and good writing composition instruction, and much less of a problem with behavioral issues in the transition back to the classroom. This is reflected in data. It’s not confirmation bias unless PP’s public school option was a unicorn.

There is actually very little data supporting that private schools have better outcomes due to the school. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.3102/0013189X18785632

UMC/MC parents who value education make sacrifices, but cannot sacrifice their entire financial lives. You move to a better school district, stay involved in school, get tutoring, get into the good programs.

This article was published in 2018! This is your supporting evidence
My gosh a discussion on education from people focused on finances is eye opening.

um care to elaborate?

I would love to discuss the merits of mansions and lux European vacations. The fact that my finances won’t pay for them is pretty much the determining factor, regardless of how nice they are.

and again - sacrificing for education is noble. people like OP do that by moving to a better public school district, getting tutors, getting kids into the best programs. not by bankrupting themselves and sticking their kids with student loans.

What do you need elaboration on? A study from 2018 clearly isn’t helpful given the events of the past couple years. If you can’t figure that out, I can’t help you.

it sounds like OP failed to purchase in a good public school area. He has not Made any mention of his intent to remedy that now, has he?

as if poor public school test scores make OP magically earn more money? for someone who claims to value education, you make very little sense. OP cannot afford it. Period.

People who speak in absolutes are usually wrong.

people who cannot do basic math are usually wrong about finances

[Anonymous]

Just rent a room in Langley school pyramid so that your kids can go there and your problem is solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your options are:

-Stick with public
-Find the money somewhere (sell your house and move to smaller, sell a car, cancel cable or other subscriptions, cancel gym, no eating out or fun money)
-Earn the money- frankly DW can get a higher paying job if it's so important to her or pick up a second job

You CAN NOT go into private school as-is literally knowing you'll be in the red every month. That's absolutely insane and will be a disservice to your kids in a million more ways than private school with enhance their lives.

My own opinion- my DH went to mediocre public schools then his parents paid for his and BIL's college in full. I went to private schools and my parents gave me $10k for college, I graduated with $80k debt. I think that was the most idiotic thing my parents did. I grew up feeling so inadequate- the poorest kid in private. I didn't understand why all the other kids wore these insane clothes, shoes, backpacks, did travel sports, went on trips, lived in mansions. We couldn't afford any of that or for me to have birthday parties, the country club membership they all had, the sleep away camps they all went to, friend's parents would invite me on trips but I couldn't go because we couldn't pay my way. It was a lifestyle I had no business being exposed to at such a young age. I HATED it. I would have been SO much happier in public school with kids like me that met at the neighborhood park and did park district sports.

Poor baby. Want a pacifier and no parents supporting you?

Not at all, but it's definitely something to consider. My parents could afford to get me into the school, but nothing else that came along with it. When all of your friends go on an annual ski trip together and talk about it for weeks or spend every summer day at the country club pool together, it's lonely for a kid.

[Anonymous]

Do not do this. I had parents who did this and it resulted in two things. 1) my being aware of the constant financial stress for my parents. Bill collectors calling, etc. 2) attending a school where everyone had more money than me which was sometimes awkward. I got a great education, but I’m not sure it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

We know a family sending their kids to non-parish Catholic schools ($$$ Oakcrest/The Heights) and also not contributing anything towards the kids' college education. Yes, really. They are proud to tell people the kids are "on their own" for college. Dumbest thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your options are:

-Stick with public
-Find the money somewhere (sell your house and move to smaller, sell a car, cancel cable or other subscriptions, cancel gym, no eating out or fun money)
-Earn the money- frankly DW can get a higher paying job if it's so important to her or pick up a second job

You CAN NOT go into private school as-is literally knowing you'll be in the red every month. That's absolutely insane and will be a disservice to your kids in a million more ways than private school with enhance their lives.

My own opinion- my DH went to mediocre public schools then his parents paid for his and BIL's college in full. I went to private schools and my parents gave me $10k for college, I graduated with $80k debt. I think that was the most idiotic thing my parents did. I grew up feeling so inadequate- the poorest kid in private. I didn't understand why all the other kids wore these insane clothes, shoes, backpacks, did travel sports, went on trips, lived in mansions. We couldn't afford any of that or for me to have birthday parties, the country club membership they all had, the sleep away camps they all went to, friend's parents would invite me on trips but I couldn't go because we couldn't pay my way. It was a lifestyle I had no business being exposed to at such a young age. I HATED it. I would have been SO much happier in public school with kids like me that met at the neighborhood park and did park district sports.

Poor baby. Want a pacifier and no parents supporting you?

Not at all, but it's definitely something to consider. My parents could afford to get me into the school, but nothing else that came along with it. When all of your friends go on an annual ski trip together and talk about it for weeks or spend every summer day at the country club pool together, it's lonely for a kid.

Damn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We know a family sending their kids to non-parish Catholic schools ($$$ Oakcrest/The Heights) and also not contributing anything towards the kids' college education. Yes, really. They are proud to tell people the kids are "on their own" for college. Dumbest thing ever.

This is messed up on so many levels

[Anonymous]

Where did OP go? What did you decide? I want to hear wifey take on this