How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People make too much of weddings. She had a conflict. You think she should have picked her friend's daughter's wedding instead of her friend's wedding. She and her husband disagreed. She tried to split the baby, and that's wasn't good enough for you, so knowing you'd be mad either way, she returned to plan A. And for that you think she's not a good friend? She really can't be in two places at once. It isn't her fault two brides picked the same day. Let it go.

lol! There are lot of people on this thread who do not get the nuances of adult social relationships and act like this is a 2nd grade birthday party situation. These women have a 20+ year friendship. A cherished child is getting married. The moms are practically sisters. In simple terms (because apparently it has to be explained?) the lifelong close friendship trumps the work friend.

OP never said this. Stop projecting things onto this situation that aren’t there.

20+ years of friendship? Seeing each other weekly? Vacationing together? Sounds pretty close to me.

They are close friends, they are not family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I can understand being disappointed or even a bit hurt. I'm sorry this didn't work out as you envisioned. But it's absolutely not worth ruining a long friendship and disrupting a good group dynamic.

Keep in mind this is your DD wedding, not yours. When you weigh the relationship of your DD and your friend, do you think it's really stronger than that of your friend and her friend whose marriage she helped make happen?

This has very "I'm the main character" vibes. I strongly recommend trying to take an objective perspective on all the factors at play, not just yours.

Yes, you said what I was thinking. OP is the main character in this story and Sue and her daughter are bit players in OP’s play. They have no feelings, desires, motivations of their own.

As for friendship, how could this possibly be a true two-sided friendship if OP cannot recognize the other important people and issues in Sue’s life?

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself. My god. She’s a good friend for indulging you this much.

You’re selfish and an awful friend, just so you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People make too much of weddings. She had a conflict. You think she should have picked her friend's daughter's wedding instead of her friend's wedding. She and her husband disagreed. She tried to split the baby, and that's wasn't good enough for you, so knowing you'd be mad either way, she returned to plan A. And for that you think she's not a good friend? She really can't be in two places at once. It isn't her fault two brides picked the same day. Let it go.

lol! There are lot of people on this thread who do not get the nuances of adult social relationships and act like this is a 2nd grade birthday party situation. These women have a 20+ year friendship. A cherished child is getting married. The moms are practically sisters. In simple terms (because apparently it has to be explained?) the lifelong close friendship trumps the work friend.

OP never said this. Stop projecting things onto this situation that aren’t there.

20+ years of friendship? Seeing each other weekly? Vacationing together? Sounds pretty close to me.

DP. Even within a smaller friend group, not all of the individual friendships are necessarily equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now you know she's someone you can't count on -- and that's not a friend. I don't think you were wrong to expect her there -- you thought she was your good friend. You assumed she's want to celebrate this huge milestone with you. Now you know her better. I wouldn't recover from this, either, OP. It's a shame this will mar your feelings about the wedding right now. Life isn't perfect.

Good luck with your DD's wedding.

It's the daughter's wedding, not her funeral. How much support does OP need to get through the day?

I don't know. What I do know is that it's not ok to tell someone what they should and should not care about. It's also not ok to tell someone the way they feel isn't valid. The only one who truly knows how much support the OP needs is OP and probably her friend. The friend who didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP to her daughter's wedding.

You realize this can apply right back to Sue and OP? It’s not okay for OP to say Sue should care and prioritize her relationship with the people she introduced? It’s not okay for OP to say that Sue’s husband was faking his concern, etc. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess this helps me understand that I can come around on this after the wedding. I'll need time. I'm certain she would be open if I can be open. It's definitely going to be tough for me, because I'm so hurt. Hopefully that will pass.

Actually do her a favor and let your pettiness and self-obsession win out. Do her the favor of dropping her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over yourself. My god. She’s a good friend for indulging you this much.

You’re selfish and an awful friend, just so you know.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now you know she's someone you can't count on -- and that's not a friend. I don't think you were wrong to expect her there -- you thought she was your good friend. You assumed she's want to celebrate this huge milestone with you. Now you know her better. I wouldn't recover from this, either, OP. It's a shame this will mar your feelings about the wedding right now. Life isn't perfect.

Good luck with your DD's wedding.

It's the daughter's wedding, not her funeral. How much support does OP need to get through the day?

I don't know. What I do know is that it's not ok to tell someone what they should and should not care about. It's also not ok to tell someone the way they feel isn't valid. The only one who truly knows how much support the OP needs is OP and probably her friend. The friend who didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP to her daughter's wedding.

No one is saying OP can't be disappointed by her friend's absence from the wedding. Those are just feelings, they are what they are and we have limited control over our own emotions. What we can control is what we do with those emotions, including whether we decide to torch a 20-year friendship over a scheduling conflict. Obviously OP can do that if she chooses, but that would be her choice that she would need to own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologize before the wedding, not after.

You owe her a BIG apology. It’s an invitation, not a summons. You made an AWFUL mistake by treating her like that. Sounds like you are used to getting your way in your friend group. YIKES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize before the wedding, not after.

You owe her a BIG apology. It’s an invitation, not a summons. You made an AWFUL mistake by treating her like that. Sounds like you are used to getting your way in your friend group. YIKES.

DP. OP came back several pages ago and acknowledged that her reaction was inappropriate and that she needed to make things right with her friend. Whoever is going on the attack now is not OP, unless she is sockpuppeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize before the wedding, not after.

You owe her a BIG apology. It’s an invitation, not a summons. You made an AWFUL mistake by treating her like that. Sounds like you are used to getting your way in your friend group. YIKES.

DP. OP came back several pages ago and acknowledged that her reaction was inappropriate and that she needed to make things right with her friend. Whoever is going on the attack now is not OP, unless she is sockpuppeting.

She said she neeeededddddd timmmmmmmeeeeee but was sure it would get back on track when the dust settled blah blah blah. She should not delay, she should apologize NOW, she is very much in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People make too much of weddings. She had a conflict. You think she should have picked her friend's daughter's wedding instead of her friend's wedding. She and her husband disagreed. She tried to split the baby, and that's wasn't good enough for you, so knowing you'd be mad either way, she returned to plan A. And for that you think she's not a good friend? She really can't be in two places at once. It isn't her fault two brides picked the same day. Let it go.

lol! There are lot of people on this thread who do not get the nuances of adult social relationships and act like this is a 2nd grade birthday party situation. These women have a 20+ year friendship. A cherished child is getting married. The moms are practically sisters. In simple terms (because apparently it has to be explained?) the lifelong close friendship trumps the work friend.

OP never said this. Stop projecting things onto this situation that aren’t there.

20+ years of friendship? Seeing each other weekly? Vacationing together? Sounds pretty close to me.

DP. Even within a smaller friend group, not all of the individual friendships are necessarily equal.

Now OP knows. She's shocked and hurt to learn that her "best friend" cares about another friend more than she cares about OP. Her feelings are understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize before the wedding, not after.

You owe her a BIG apology. It’s an invitation, not a summons. You made an AWFUL mistake by treating her like that. Sounds like you are used to getting your way in your friend group. YIKES.

DP. OP came back several pages ago and acknowledged that her reaction was inappropriate and that she needed to make things right with her friend. Whoever is going on the attack now is not OP, unless she is sockpuppeting.

She said she neeeededddddd timmmmmmmeeeeee but was sure it would get back on track when the dust settled blah blah blah. She should not delay, she should apologize NOW, she is very much in the wrong.

Oh brother. The delicate flower thinks OP expressing that she wants her close friend to be at her DD's wedding warrants an apology. She should apologize so she can continue with some crumbs of what she thought was a close friendship? That friendship is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People make too much of weddings. She had a conflict. You think she should have picked her friend's daughter's wedding instead of her friend's wedding. She and her husband disagreed. She tried to split the baby, and that's wasn't good enough for you, so knowing you'd be mad either way, she returned to plan A. And for that you think she's not a good friend? She really can't be in two places at once. It isn't her fault two brides picked the same day. Let it go.

lol! There are lot of people on this thread who do not get the nuances of adult social relationships and act like this is a 2nd grade birthday party situation. These women have a 20+ year friendship. A cherished child is getting married. The moms are practically sisters. In simple terms (because apparently it has to be explained?) the lifelong close friendship trumps the work friend.

OP never said this. Stop projecting things onto this situation that aren’t there.

20+ years of friendship? Seeing each other weekly? Vacationing together? Sounds pretty close to me.

DP. Even within a smaller friend group, not all of the individual friendships are necessarily equal.

Now OP knows. She's shocked and hurt to learn that her "best friend" cares about another friend more than she cares about OP. Her feelings are understandable.

Wow, I guess we're going for maximum drama queen here. OP has given very limited information about the situation. For all we know, Sue has been close "work" friends with this other woman for years, they are close with the friend's fiance, etc. Heck, for all we know the other friend's fiance is related to Sue or her husband. There are a million reasons why it would be appropriate to give the other wedding higher priority than OP's daughter's wedding, and none of us have enough information to rule them out because OP has chosen not to share the full story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apologize before the wedding, not after.

You owe her a BIG apology. It’s an invitation, not a summons. You made an AWFUL mistake by treating her like that. Sounds like you are used to getting your way in your friend group. YIKES.

DP. OP came back several pages ago and acknowledged that her reaction was inappropriate and that she needed to make things right with her friend. Whoever is going on the attack now is not OP, unless she is sockpuppeting.

OP said she could discuss it with her friend, but I didn’t see OP acknowledging she owed the friend an apology, which many of us believe.