17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.

They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.

No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.

No he's not. Has he offered to come pick up his son? No. He won't even talk to his son about it. Dad's picking on mom to try to make her deal with an issue that he should deal with himself.

Visitation shouldn't be optional.

yes it should

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please Do not listen to the people on here who are suggesting you should somehow punish your son if he refuses to go to his fathers house. Growing up with this oppressive custody agreement imposed upon him for the last 16 years is punishment enough.

OP, you should rent a car twice a month (or use Ubers) and then let your son use your vehicle. Make this a financial priority. It’s not that big of an expense. I’m sure you can cut some thing out to make this happen. Tell your son the gasoline is on him so if he drives back-and-forth from his fathers house during this weekend to see friends or go to parties or whatever that’s on him.

You definitely should look into emancipation for him. If his father is already committed to not paying for college then who cares? Maybe it will help him with scholarships in qualifying for need-based grants.

Has your ex never been a teenage boy? Or did he have an awful teenage experience where he had no social life or friends? How is it possible he can’t relate to his own son who has a busy, full teenage life that doesn’t include his parents. This is the time of life when children naturally start pulling away from their parents because that’s what you do in life in order to launch and establish a life beyond your parents. It’s pretty maddening and sad. This so-called father who for some reason wants to be a stickler doesn’t realize that he’s doing any long-term relationship.

This is absolutely absurd to emancipate him or rent him a car or uber or give him her vehicle. Dad gets two weekends a month. One full day, one evening and another half day. He has every other day to see his friends or go to parties. This is the worst advice ever. You are teaching your kid that they don't have to follow their parents rules including mom's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.

They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.

No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.

No he's not. Has he offered to come pick up his son? No. He won't even talk to his son about it. Dad's picking on mom to try to make her deal with an issue that he should deal with himself.

Visitation shouldn't be optional.

yes it should

Then, so should child support. Why should a parent have to financially support a child they don't have a relationship with.

Bottomline is this is court ordered child support. Mom needs to stand up to her kid and tell him he's going or give consequences. Its called parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: First question: If son refuses to go, can dad refuse to pay child support. If so and support is substantial, tell son this. "Look, I understand your position, but if you don't go dad can stop support and I can't pay the rent without it."

Second, have son contact the pro se clerk at the family court or whatever court has jurisdiction. Have him explain the problem and ask clerk's advice as to whether an adjustment is possible. If son does file something, court is unlikely to hold mom in contempt.

OP here: can a minor child really file something on his own in a custody case between two adults? He isn't one of the parties. I'm not legal-savvy so I don't understand how this would work.

OP, think about how absurd this advice is. By the time you get into court, 1/2 the school year will be over. Be a parent, enforce the visits and soon enough they will be over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.

They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.

No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.

No he's not. Has he offered to come pick up his son? No. He won't even talk to his son about it. Dad's picking on mom to try to make her deal with an issue that he should deal with himself.

Visitation shouldn't be optional.

yes it should

Then, so should child support. Why should a parent have to financially support a child they don't have a relationship with.

Bottomline is this is court ordered child support. Mom needs to stand up to her kid and tell him he's going or give consequences. Its called parenting.

actually children need to be more willing to stand up to their parents and let them know that there are limits to their authority

[Anonymous]

I hope his birthday is early enough in the spring that he won't have worry about missing prom and other senior events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.

They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.

No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.

No he's not. Has he offered to come pick up his son? No. He won't even talk to his son about it. Dad's picking on mom to try to make her deal with an issue that he should deal with himself.

Visitation shouldn't be optional.

yes it should

Then, so should child support. Why should a parent have to financially support a child they don't have a relationship with.

Bottomline is this is court ordered child support. Mom needs to stand up to her kid and tell him he's going or give consequences. Its called parenting.

actually children need to be more willing to stand up to their parents and let them know that there are limits to their authority

Wow, no wonder kids are struggling so much these days.

[Anonymous]

Has DS tried saying to Dad: "hey Dad, I'm looking forward to our visit this weekend. I have football practice Saturday afternoon, and dinner with the team afterward. Since I don't have a car yet, will you drive me to those events, or do I need to find someone to pick me up?". (The "someone" could be you, but don't specify that up front).

Basically, make it about attending the specific activities on any given weekend, not a battle over visitation in general. Dad might be willing to be a d*CK to you, but hopefully he'll be nicer when he has to face his son directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.

They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.

No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.

No he's not. Has he offered to come pick up his son? No. He won't even talk to his son about it. Dad's picking on mom to try to make her deal with an issue that he should deal with himself.

Visitation shouldn't be optional.

yes it should

Then, so should child support. Why should a parent have to financially support a child they don't have a relationship with.

Bottomline is this is court ordered child support. Mom needs to stand up to her kid and tell him he's going or give consequences. Its called parenting.

So they're not left destitute? So they're not draining the public coffers when one of their parents has money? Wouldn't you feel bad knowing your kid isn't having their basic needs met?

Dad is such an A and the son is so reluctant I have to wonder if something else is going on, like dad is a closet alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: our court order requires that I drive him to see his dad at the beginning of the weekend, and his dad drops him off at the end of the weekend. The driving is required to be split 50/50.

My understanding is that in my state, the child does not get to decide until 18. Their desires can be taken into account, but they don't get to make the ultimate decision.

Does the court order require you to drive him there, or just the the driving be 50/50? If the later, tell your Ex that you are having a hard time getting yoru son to go, and that you need to switch. You will pick up, but he has to come get his son. And then it isn't on you to get him there. Plus, if your ex refuses, he won't look very good to a judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By this age, your 17 yr old's wishes would be taken into consideration by a judge. Suggest to DS that he invite his dad to come to HIM, and hang out for an afternoon through dinner. Maybe they could do that once a month and DS could go there one weekend a month.

OP here: that is what I proposed, but dad said absolutely not, no way. He wants his full two weekends a month at his house, end of story.

I just really can't afford to go to court to fight this out, even if a judge would listen. I'm really scared of being held in contempt of court.

Good luck to your ex in having a close and meaningful relationship with his son if this is how he treats him. Tell your son he is supposed to follow the visitation schedule. When he doesn't and your ex squawks at you tell him you can't force a 17 yr old to see someone he doesn't want to see. Let him take you to court. This should not be expensive - maybe 2-4 hours of attorney billing time. Your son will have to say he doesn't want to go. Judge will rule in his favor.

Why even bother with a lawyer? I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please Do not listen to the people on here who are suggesting you should somehow punish your son if he refuses to go to his fathers house. Growing up with this oppressive custody agreement imposed upon him for the last 16 years is punishment enough.

OP, you should rent a car twice a month (or use Ubers) and then let your son use your vehicle. Make this a financial priority. It’s not that big of an expense. I’m sure you can cut some thing out to make this happen. Tell your son the gasoline is on him so if he drives back-and-forth from his fathers house during this weekend to see friends or go to parties or whatever that’s on him.

You definitely should look into emancipation for him. If his father is already committed to not paying for college then who cares? Maybe it will help him with scholarships in qualifying for need-based grants.

Has your ex never been a teenage boy? Or did he have an awful teenage experience where he had no social life or friends? How is it possible he can’t relate to his own son who has a busy, full teenage life that doesn’t include his parents. This is the time of life when children naturally start pulling away from their parents because that’s what you do in life in order to launch and establish a life beyond your parents. It’s pretty maddening and sad. This so-called father who for some reason wants to be a stickler doesn’t realize that he’s doing any long-term relationship.

This is absolutely absurd to emancipate him or rent him a car or uber or give him her vehicle. Dad gets two weekends a month. One full day, one evening and another half day. He has every other day to see his friends or go to parties. This is the worst advice ever. You are teaching your kid that they don't have to follow their parents rules including mom's.

+1. Your son needs to suck it up and get in the car. Otherwise, there will be no money left for mom to help him buy a car or defray his college expenses because you will be spending that money defending yourself in court. That is a fact and not punishment from you. I would not call the cops on him if he refuses to get the car but I wouldn’t enable any other activities that weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: First question: If son refuses to go, can dad refuse to pay child support. If so and support is substantial, tell son this. "Look, I understand your position, but if you don't go dad can stop support and I can't pay the rent without it."

Second, have son contact the pro se clerk at the family court or whatever court has jurisdiction. Have him explain the problem and ask clerk's advice as to whether an adjustment is possible. If son does file something, court is unlikely to hold mom in contempt.

OP here: can a minor child really file something on his own in a custody case between two adults? He isn't one of the parties. I'm not legal-savvy so I don't understand how this would work.

No, he can't. He's a minor. At best, he could file to become emancipated at which point he'd be able to be seen legally as an adult, but the process for that would probably take until he's 18 so it's a waste of time. You can file pro-se, which means without a lawyer, and then just keep in mind anything you file with court must be served on the other side (your ex's lawyer). You could file a modification to the visitation schedule based on the fact that the 17 yr old minor child is asking for that. You'd be more likely to win if you hired a lawyer to do this for your son though. I know money is tight but ... this is life.

If your DH goes to court you can request a Guardian Ad Litem for your son. The job of the GALxis to represent the best interests of the child. They will tell the court what your son wants and also what the GAL recommends. My understanding of GALs is that you would not have to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.

They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.

No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.

No he's not. Has he offered to come pick up his son? No. He won't even talk to his son about it. Dad's picking on mom to try to make her deal with an issue that he should deal with himself.

Visitation shouldn't be optional.

yes it should

Then, so should child support. Why should a parent have to financially support a child they don't have a relationship with.

Bottomline is this is court ordered child support. Mom needs to stand up to her kid and tell him he's going or give consequences. Its called parenting.

actually children need to be more willing to stand up to their parents and let them know that there are limits to their authority

Wow, no wonder kids are struggling so much these days.

alot of them are struggling because they have parents that view them as property instead of a person

[Anonymous]

I would tell my ds he can do what he wants. Your exh will back down. BTDT.