Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

Yes, live your life! LIVE it, but no need to keep posting pics, because you were there! Tell your kids. They’ll be better off for not participating in the charade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet dating & sex are down also because weight is so far up. I know there is (thankfully) so many more sizes and body types depicted in the media but there’s still such a stigma to dating overweight people.

It adds to the loneliness.

Maybe for teens in wealthy white communities that's true, I honestly don't know. I work with teens, primarily Black and Latino and lower-income. I really don't think being heavy is holding anyone back here. I think that bigger bodies are considered desirable and there are so many more cute clothes options compared to when I was a teen and dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I don't know why teens are sad, depressed, and anxious but we have definitely seen a big uptick over the past five years where I work. I think meaningful interests, a developmentally appropriate amount of responsibility, training in some basic CBT/DBT techniques, and a lot of love and positive feedback in a least one but hopefully multiple areas of life (home, school, extracurriculars, friends, faith group), all those things help a lot.

“Bigger bodies” are unhealthy and will indeed hold these children back in life.

I know, you were SO excited when you got to interject weight and fat shaming into a totally unrelated conversation.

Get therapy for your low self-esteem.

NP here. Did you know that being overweight is a huge risk factor for certain cancers…like colon cancel for example, which happens to have skyrocketed in younger people lately. It’s a matter of health for these kids and sometimes life and death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

I didn't have a car - I drove my parents' car. My point was just that I learned to drive, and enjoyed driving. I think driving is one of those (dangerous) things that teenagers should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

I didn't have a car - I drove my parents' car. My point was just that I learned to drive, and enjoyed driving. I think driving is one of those (dangerous) things that teenagers should do.

I had to contribute to my college tuition—my parents would have been furious if I tried to spend my savings on a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

I didn't have a car - I drove my parents' car. My point was just that I learned to drive, and enjoyed driving. I think driving is one of those (dangerous) things that teenagers should do.

I had to contribute to my college tuition—my parents would have been furious if I tried to spend my savings on a car.

DP. Did your parents have a car you could use occasionally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is a red herring.

Teenagers need agency and freedom.

My best times in high school involved alcohol, sex, driving, or drugs.

Kids here nowadays are depressed because their parents are honing them for life as accountants, corporate lawyers, or consultants from an early age.

Without transgression or stretching boundaries there is no growth and no joy.

Freedom? Who paid for your car? Do you know how much cars and gas cost in 2022?


Fortunately, we’re more aware of the environmental costs of cars now.

I didn't have a car - I drove my parents' car. My point was just that I learned to drive, and enjoyed driving. I think driving is one of those (dangerous) things that teenagers should do.

I had to contribute to my college tuition—my parents would have been furious if I tried to spend my savings on a car.

DP. Did your parents have a car you could use occasionally?

Yes, but they did not allow me to drive until much later than what is typical (license at 18, allowed to drive car alone at 19).

[Anonymous]

I think it's multifactorial.

My youngest is 16 and is anxious and depressed. He is not interested in social media at all but does spend too much time on video games. He is hyper aware of news- global warming, college admissions stats, war in ukraine, pandemic. I was pretty informed at 16 but in the 1980s you could get away from it more easily. So yes this is the phone effect, but not specifically social media.

This one and even older siblings also feel this inability to leave behind any mistake. Let me say how glad I am no cell phone cameras existed in the 1980s. Mistakes seem unrecoverable when they might be recorded forever online. They are hyper aware of this and afraid of risk taking of any kind. It is drilled in by schools as much as parents.

Pressure comes from schools also where test scores matter and teachers are graded on student performance. One of mine still has anxiety over timed tests, which started in FIRST GRADE FFS. Teachers lay it on pretty thick sometimes- you better focus on this and get it right! next year you'll be in X Grade! OMG, middle school is not gonna be this easy, high school, college, you'd better get prepared, blah blah. It's endless.

And school isn't the same either. There is a significant gap between my oldest and youngest and my youngest has way more small assignments that need to be submitted by photo or online through x app or whatever, in some ways it feels like more to keep track of for the same or less amount of content. There is less fixation on homework, which is good, but the automatization of a lot of it (not even talking distance learning here) makes for a lot MORE small requirements and less nuance in grading (when it's computer graded there's no partial credit, for example).

It's lots of things and some of it is parenting style but really its bigger than that I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's multifactorial.

My youngest is 16 and is anxious and depressed. He is not interested in social media at all but does spend too much time on video games. He is hyper aware of news- global warming, college admissions stats, war in ukraine, pandemic. I was pretty informed at 16 but in the 1980s you could get away from it more easily. So yes this is the phone effect, but not specifically social media.

This one and even older siblings also feel this inability to leave behind any mistake. Let me say how glad I am no cell phone cameras existed in the 1980s. Mistakes seem unrecoverable when they might be recorded forever online. They are hyper aware of this and afraid of risk taking of any kind. It is drilled in by schools as much as parents.

Pressure comes from schools also where test scores matter and teachers are graded on student performance. One of mine still has anxiety over timed tests, which started in FIRST GRADE FFS. Teachers lay it on pretty thick sometimes- you better focus on this and get it right! next year you'll be in X Grade! OMG, middle school is not gonna be this easy, high school, college, you'd better get prepared, blah blah. It's endless.

And school isn't the same either. There is a significant gap between my oldest and youngest and my youngest has way more small assignments that need to be submitted by photo or online through x app or whatever, in some ways it feels like more to keep track of for the same or less amount of content. There is less fixation on homework, which is good, but the automatization of a lot of it (not even talking distance learning here) makes for a lot MORE small requirements and less nuance in grading (when it's computer graded there's no partial credit, for example).

It's lots of things and some of it is parenting style but really its bigger than that I think.

This is excellent. It captures what is going on with so many teens today. Your point about constantly emphasizing why you need to be hit over the head with every mistake and shortcoming from a young age at school to get you ready for the REAL WORLD resonates with me. It's no wonder young people are anxious about becoming a part of it.

Judgment on social media is another factor. I call it the "My Life is Ruined" syndrome. With the possibility of every mistake, every instance of bad judgment or even misspeaking being broadcast to the world, every interaction carries lifelong implications. The neverending chorus of internet judgers exists regardless of your own buy-in to social media. None of my kids are heavily into social media themselves, but that doesn't stop its potential intrusion into their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

Part of growing up is making and keeping your own friends and know that everyone has their own life and may be different than you. People shouldn’t be silent about what they did Friday night or where they went or an award they won because someone else supposedly makes themselves butthurt about it somehow. Wtf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

So you basically don’t care about cyberbullying. Got it.

What on earth are you misperceiving? No not all 600 8th graders came over to pizza night last week in our basement. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

So you basically don’t care about cyberbullying. Got it.

Wait wait wait

Posting photos on social media if YOUR kid wasn’t there is now cyber bullying? Should the PP invite all 400 kids in the grade over every Friday?

I can not with you nutso parents. You make your kids anxious and depressed. It is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

Yes, live your life! LIVE it, but no need to keep posting pics, because you were there! Tell your kids. They’ll be better off for not participating in the charade.

I still have 15 photo albums of my teen years. I literally had a wrist loop around my digital camera and brought it everywhere. Those albums and memories are some of my favorites. Bringing them all to my 25th reunion in November.

Teens are allowed to post photos. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Stop trying to guilt people into being miserable instead of NORMAL teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

So you basically don’t care about cyberbullying. Got it.

It’s not cyber bullying just because people post things on social media that you are not invited to attend. Cyber bullying is a whole different thing. Let’s not conflate the two.

+1 right. I actually think this is an *excellent* example of the kind of parenting/mindset that cripples kids and leads to the very mental health problems we are seeing. Kids NEED to learn that there are things they're not going to be invited to. Sometimes you're going to be left out. People have their own lives and you're not always going to be apart of it. That's disappointing. But that's life. Instead of crying "cyberbullying!" about something as benign as posting pics from a get together on social media, we need to teach our kids resilience and to deal with life's minor disappointments (and seeing pictures on social media of something you didn't get invited to is absoutely a minor disappointment).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

So you basically don’t care about cyberbullying. Got it.

It’s not cyber bullying just because people post things on social media that you are not invited to attend. Cyber bullying is a whole different thing. Let’s not conflate the two.

+1 right. I actually think this is an *excellent* example of the kind of parenting/mindset that cripples kids and leads to the very mental health problems we are seeing. Kids NEED to learn that there are things they're not going to be invited to. Sometimes you're going to be left out. People have their own lives and you're not always going to be apart of it. That's disappointing. But that's life. Instead of crying "cyberbullying!" about something as benign as posting pics from a get together on social media, we need to teach our kids resilience and to deal with life's minor disappointments (and seeing pictures on social media of something you didn't get invited to is absoutely a minor disappointment).

NP. This is a really good point. Thank you for making it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

I have not idea why phones are not banned in all public schools. There is absolutely no reason for them and they are a huge distraction. I was SHOCKED when our elementary school started to allow them. And why? Because moms wanted a way to reach their kid? Like um no. CALL THE SCHOOL

I am also surprised they are not banned at least during school hours. The only reason you would really need one is to tell a parent a practice was cancelled or something and you could do that after school is over and just wait for them to pick you up.

Cell phones are banned at our school. But kids are on them at home all the time. The issue is all social communication happens through the cell phone. Texting, FaceTime whatever. Friends live some distance from each other…with no way to get to each other..(parents work, or are otherwise busy and can’t drop them off). Also kids are over scheduled with activities, so can’t devote blocks of time to see each other. So they text and play games (apps) with each other.

I’d love my kid to invite friends over I but she doesn’t want to. It’s not what kids do!

Friday nights are friend's night at my house. Cell phones are placed in a bowl and the kids have free range of the entire basement and backyard. Sometimes they watch movies, play board games, just hang out and eat. We have the classic Wii down there and that is used a ton too. They aren't into shuffleboard as much but we have that new trendy hook game and a giant magnetic dark board. Also one small section of wall mirrors and a cheap karaoke machine. One night they learned how to play poker and had my husband teach them and player dealer/cashier. We have a firepit so they do smores a lot too. And my god, all of these 12-13yr olds still love to swing on our swing set. I added solar LED lights to it. Am considering a ping pong table for under the deck or a trampoline for this summer. My daughter has my old Canon digital camera so they take pics and after the night is over she uploads them and sends them out to everyone so they can add them to social media. If anyone needs their phone, they are allowed to come upstairs and use it at anytime. They just can't bring it down the basement. Most come up 1-2 a night for a few minutes each to text a parent or probably check messages. But you would be surprised how little they want it when no one else has it.

They also bike to the pool a lot in the summer. On their own. I haven't been to the pool since she was 9 or 10 years old. Her and her friends go alone.
Our neighborhood started cul de sac nights where kids ages 10 and older meet at certain cul de sacs to play capture the flag, jail break, kick the can, etc... No parents allowed.

So yes PP it absolutely can be what kids do. They want it and they need it. You are doing a disservice otherwise

I was all in until you got to the bolded. Sounds like lots of fun and I commend you for your efforts. But while that is a huge boost to the mental health of those who are invited, as soon as those pics go up on social media, it makes a dent in the mental health of those who weren’t. This is why social media is such a huge part of the picture. Adults can’t handle feelings of being left out, can you imagine being 12 or 13 and having to feel like everyone else is out there having the best time?

LOL

Sounds like you are part of the everyone gets a trophy edition.

Not everyone gets invited to things sweetie. And as an adult and even as a teen I knew this.

No need to keep it on the down low. Live your life. Not the PP but you are ridiculous.

That’s just it though. The constant “share” culture on social media heightens the experience of feeling left out and makes “learning the lesson” a more emotional. It’s one thing to learn about a party, but another thing to see the pictures and watch the likes and comments happen. Not to mention a teenager may be feeling particularly sad and then sees the photos shared making, again, another heightened Emotional experience.

As an adult these things even sting at times, but I am mature enough to limit social media.