I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

Plenty of people don’t breastfeed, so this isn’t a compelling reason in many cases

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed how many women here marry and have babies with men that can’t afford to allow their wives to stay at home with their babies. So sad that so many women have to go back to work and disguise it as being a feminist when in reality they know they wish they could stay home but they married a loser.

I didn’t have to go back to work, but I was jumping out of my skin at home and was happy to go back.

And a person’s worth isn’t based on their income. There are plenty of great, hard-working people who cannot afford to have a SAH spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

[Anonymous]

Nanny or nanny-share, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

It doesn’t take long to forge a bond. My mother never met my children. Our nannies have been surrogate grandmothers to my children and like aunties/mothers/sisters to me. When it clicks, it’s really beautiful. I remember so vividly when our first nanny would come when my son was 10 months old, and not on any kind of sleep schedule and we were suffering first time parents doing everything wrong.

She was like Mary Poppins….she came in and took charge, got our baby on a schedule, got him eating solids, got our house clean and organized. She really rescued us from a near crisis situation. Our baby had never slept more than 30 minutes at a time since birth and DH and I could barely form sentences. Our baby cried constantly. She got things sorted in our household in a matter of a couple weeks.

I remember just sobbing and thinking to myself “the cavalry has arrived” every time our nanny came over. 6 years later and our child still ADORES the nanny. I am not sure I have ever felt more gratitude to any other person in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

It doesn’t take long to forge a bond. My mother never met my children. Our nannies have been surrogate grandmothers to my children and like aunties/mothers/sisters to me. When it clicks, it’s really beautiful. I remember so vividly when our first nanny would come when my son was 10 months old, and not on any kind of sleep schedule and we were suffering first time parents doing everything wrong.

She was like Mary Poppins….she came in and took charge, got our baby on a schedule, got him eating solids, got our house clean and organized. She really rescued us from a near crisis situation. Our baby had never slept more than 30 minutes at a time since birth and DH and I could barely form sentences. Our baby cried constantly. She got things sorted in our household in a matter of a couple weeks.

I remember just sobbing and thinking to myself “the cavalry has arrived” every time our nanny came over. 6 years later and our child still ADORES the nanny. I am not sure I have ever felt more gratitude to any other person in my life.

A woman referring to a nanny as a “stranger” isn’t going to appreciate what you shared. I’ve found moms like this are rather anxious and controlling. They are terrified of others having access to their kids and fear the worst. It’s like some sort of extreme primal emotional response. Whereas I have no problem having a career and hiring qualified help. They just can’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

The nanny comes every day since the baby was young. How could she possibly be a stranger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

It doesn’t take long to forge a bond. My mother never met my children. Our nannies have been surrogate grandmothers to my children and like aunties/mothers/sisters to me. When it clicks, it’s really beautiful. I remember so vividly when our first nanny would come when my son was 10 months old, and not on any kind of sleep schedule and we were suffering first time parents doing everything wrong.

She was like Mary Poppins….she came in and took charge, got our baby on a schedule, got him eating solids, got our house clean and organized. She really rescued us from a near crisis situation. Our baby had never slept more than 30 minutes at a time since birth and DH and I could barely form sentences. Our baby cried constantly. She got things sorted in our household in a matter of a couple weeks.

I remember just sobbing and thinking to myself “the cavalry has arrived” every time our nanny came over. 6 years later and our child still ADORES the nanny. I am not sure I have ever felt more gratitude to any other person in my life.

A woman referring to a nanny as a “stranger” isn’t going to appreciate what you shared. I’ve found moms like this are rather anxious and controlling. They are terrified of others having access to their kids and fear the worst. It’s like some sort of extreme primal emotional response. Whereas I have no problem having a career and hiring qualified help. They just can’t do it.

+1. Some mothers are also very insecure and are afraid the child will love the nanny more than them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

The nanny comes every day since the baby was young. How could she possibly be a stranger?!

By that standard my child's daycare teachers are also not strangers. Several of them have known her most of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

The nanny comes every day since the baby was young. How could she possibly be a stranger?!

By that standard my child's daycare teachers are also not strangers. Several of them have known her most of her life.

True although my kids switch classrooms every year with new teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

Our DD assumed the nanny was a relative until she was 9. They are like family. Ours was with our DD 5 days a week, whereas DD saw her cousins maybe twice a year, grandparents maybe 5x.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

Our DD assumed the nanny was a relative until she was 9. They are like family. Ours was with our DD 5 days a week, whereas DD saw her cousins maybe twice a year, grandparents maybe 5x.

Our son was about five when he asked Santa to make Nanny a part of our family. When we asked Nanny to be the Godmother to our third child, my son said, “Santa did it! Nanny is part of our family now!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like how people are suggesting that this mother has an anxiety disorder because she doesn't like leaving her baby in daycare all day long. We are mammals; mammal mothers/breastfeeding are physiologically tied to their babies. I think we forget that separating infants from their primary caregiver for the majority of their waking hours is inherently distressing for many babies and mothers. I am not opposed to daycare--my kids started shortly after they were one, but with limited hours, and m=by age two were there all day. The breastfeeding and bonding hormones are real. OP, I'm happy you're following your gut and going with a nanny.

+ 1. Very good points.

+ 2. Babies should not be separated from their families all day long. Since they can’t understand that mommy and daddy are coming back, they are actually traumatized left with complete strangers in a strange place.

A nanny is not a complete stranger. Mothers and Fathers have left their babies to work with family or others in their tribes since the beginning of time. The concept of a SAHP is relatively new in the history of humanity.

How is a nanny not a complete stranger? ….Unless she’s family or your friend.

The nanny comes every day since the baby was young. How could she possibly be a stranger?!

+1. Everyone is a stranger to a newborn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I feel like providence has spoken! Since posting this, an amazing nanny in our neighborhood became available (family is moving) and we had an interview with her this morning. She is older and so lovely! She came in and asked to wash her hands - and then held the baby for the entire interview! The baby woke up with cold number three and nanny knew how to hold him and comfort him. We talked for two hours!

She can start in two weeks after next. All of her references including our neighbor (who was crying about losing her) were fantastic! I am so relieved!!!!

I’d have to take time off anyway due to the baby’s cold and my mom has agreed to drive down for the remainder of the time so we don’t have to go back to daycare.

Thank you everyone for responding (even the poster who thinks I need medication ).

This is absolutely the right decision. I feel it in my gut.

OP here. I didn’t bring back this old thread but since someone did, I’ll update:

Our nanny is absolutely fantastic!!! We all love her and my baby lights up when he sees her. I feel happy and confident leaving for work in the morning and love that nanny easily handles all the baby chores and even makes him fresh baby food every day.

For us, leaving daycare and getting a nanny was the best decision we could have made.