Q re: the wisdom behind FERPA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re more of a helicopter parent than you realize. I’m guessing you’re paying for all or most of college and that’s why you feel entitled?

I graduated from college in the mid-aughts, and I was a true adult. I paid my own tuition and rent with money I made working (attended a very cheap in-state, probably one of the last places in America where this is still possible without major loans or grants). Nothing about college was any of my parents’ business and they certainly had no entitlement to information from the school.

Maybe instead of worrying so much about the fact that FERPA recognizes that your children are adults, you should worry more about the fact that you do not.

And I get it. Since you have the wealth to pay for college, the system puts you in this role of still being “daddy” for check-writing purposes. But if your wealth has, to date, emotionally stunted your children to the point that you really do not believe they are independent and autonomous adults (clearly happens, see the threads about college freshman who don’t even have their own checking accounts) maybe you should ask them to take a gap year and come back when they are truly adults.

I don't think you learned much in college. You don't seem to realize that the chip on your shoulder is blocking your view of most kids' college experiences. Most kids have parental help paying for college expenses. It is not unreasonable for a parent to want information about the outcomes related to those expenses. My parents paid 100% of my tuition, room and board, expenses and spending money while I was in college. Of course I would not begrudge them the ability to know how I was doing with that support. When you mature perhaps you'll understand more about things like this.

+ 1. I'm not sure who even asked for FERPA and HIPPA. Protecting my and my families information from other corporate entities and government is one thing (which they don't seem to be able to do a good job of) but preventing me from accessing my child's information without jumping through hoops is not what it should be.

And yes, if I'm paying 70K for my kid to go to an expensive school, I expect certain outcomes (e.g. course of study that would result in certain career paths) that make the 70K/yr. an investment rather than an expenditure. If my kid wants to study gender studies or political science, I'm not necessarily opposed to that. They could use Google for that or the local community college. Money doesn't grow on trees.

[Anonymous]

It's not only about parents. It protects colleges from selling their list of students to credit card companies, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professor here. No, you should not be choosing your child's courses, checking their grades or telling them what to major in. You don't need to know that your daughter is taking comparative religion or queer studies as she works out her own adult value system if you will feel compelled to block these efforts. And no you shouldn't be "advocating" for your child to have a do over on the final or insisting they didn't plagiarize when they did. The dad who was so insistent that the paper wasn't plagiarized appeared to have written it himself!

You are entitled to this opinion when you are ready to pay for my child's education.. Until then, STFU and be happy you have tenure at an overpaid, relaxing job.

But legally they are not children. You may regard them as so but legally they are not.

[Anonymous]

Jesus people nearly all colleges offer a FERPA waiver if it bothers you.

This law isn't a problem. At all. Because you can also just ask your frigging kid without the waiver. As in talking with them. As normal parents do.

Don't like it? Then don't pay for college with your precious money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professor here. No, you should not be choosing your child's courses, checking their grades or telling them what to major in. You don't need to know that your daughter is taking comparative religion or queer studies as she works out her own adult value system if you will feel compelled to block these efforts. And no you shouldn't be "advocating" for your child to have a do over on the final or insisting they didn't plagiarize when they did. The dad who was so insistent that the paper wasn't plagiarized appeared to have written it himself!

You are entitled to this opinion when you are ready to pay for my child's education.. Until then, STFU and be happy you have tenure at an overpaid, relaxing job.

PP here. The issue is there are too many entitled parents, too few invested students. Teach your child to own their choices. If you have tell them how much you are paying for them to eff around, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus people nearly all colleges offer a FERPA waiver if it bothers you.

This law isn't a problem. At all. Because you can also just ask your frigging kid without the waiver. As in talking with them. As normal parents do.

Don't like it? Then don't pay for college with your precious money.

Yeah.. We all know that. The annoyance comes from the fact that everyone acts like kids turn into adults at midnight the day they turn 18. They don't. If college was free, I see their point about "letting adults own their choices, etc.". It is not. I WILL NOT throw my money to sustain freeloaders (i.e. Universities) without knowing exactly what I'm getting in return and the ability to monitor such return.

Given how the college cartel has manipulated things so they are now the gateway to UMC-hood in society, I kinda have to go down that path..on my terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re more of a helicopter parent than you realize. I’m guessing you’re paying for all or most of college and that’s why you feel entitled?

I graduated from college in the mid-aughts, and I was a true adult. I paid my own tuition and rent with money I made working (attended a very cheap in-state, probably one of the last places in America where this is still possible without major loans or grants). Nothing about college was any of my parents’ business and they certainly had no entitlement to information from the school.

Maybe instead of worrying so much about the fact that FERPA recognizes that your children are adults, you should worry more about the fact that you do not.

And I get it. Since you have the wealth to pay for college, the system puts you in this role of still being “daddy” for check-writing purposes. But if your wealth has, to date, emotionally stunted your children to the point that you really do not believe they are independent and autonomous adults (clearly happens, see the threads about college freshman who don’t even have their own checking accounts) maybe you should ask them to take a gap year and come back when they are truly adults.

I don't think you learned much in college. You don't seem to realize that the chip on your shoulder is blocking your view of most kids' college experiences. Most kids have parental help paying for college expenses. It is not unreasonable for a parent to want information about the outcomes related to those expenses. My parents paid 100% of my tuition, room and board, expenses and spending money while I was in college. Of course I would not begrudge them the ability to know how I was doing with that support. When you mature perhaps you'll understand more about things like this.

+ 1. I'm not sure who even asked for FERPA and HIPPA. Protecting my and my families information from other corporate entities and government is one thing (which they don't seem to be able to do a good job of) but preventing me from accessing my child's information without jumping through hoops is not what it should be.

And yes, if I'm paying 70K for my kid to go to an expensive school, I expect certain outcomes (e.g. course of study that would result in certain career paths) that make the 70K/yr. an investment rather than an expenditure. If my kid wants to study gender studies or political science, I'm not necessarily opposed to that. They could use Google for that or the local community college. Money doesn't grow on trees.

That’s between you and the adult child you’re indulging to the tune of $70k/yr, not you and the college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re more of a helicopter parent than you realize. I’m guessing you’re paying for all or most of college and that’s why you feel entitled?

I graduated from college in the mid-aughts, and I was a true adult. I paid my own tuition and rent with money I made working (attended a very cheap in-state, probably one of the last places in America where this is still possible without major loans or grants). Nothing about college was any of my parents’ business and they certainly had no entitlement to information from the school.

Maybe instead of worrying so much about the fact that FERPA recognizes that your children are adults, you should worry more about the fact that you do not.

And I get it. Since you have the wealth to pay for college, the system puts you in this role of still being “daddy” for check-writing purposes. But if your wealth has, to date, emotionally stunted your children to the point that you really do not believe they are independent and autonomous adults (clearly happens, see the threads about college freshman who don’t even have their own checking accounts) maybe you should ask them to take a gap year and come back when they are truly adults.

I don't think you learned much in college. You don't seem to realize that the chip on your shoulder is blocking your view of most kids' college experiences. Most kids have parental help paying for college expenses. It is not unreasonable for a parent to want information about the outcomes related to those expenses. My parents paid 100% of my tuition, room and board, expenses and spending money while I was in college. Of course I would not begrudge them the ability to know how I was doing with that support. When you mature perhaps you'll understand more about things like this.

I don’t have a chip on my shoulder at all, why would I have a chip about being a true adult when I was, in fact, an adult?

And of course “most kids” do not have rich parents bankrolling the college experience for them. That’s your DCUM bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The annoyance comes from the fact that everyone acts like kids turn into adults at midnight the day they turn 18. They don't.

Oh yes they do. Legally speaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Professor here. No, you should not be choosing your child's courses, checking their grades or telling them what to major in. You don't need to know that your daughter is taking comparative religion or queer studies as she works out her own adult value system if you will feel compelled to block these efforts. And no you shouldn't be "advocating" for your child to have a do over on the final or insisting they didn't plagiarize when they did. The dad who was so insistent that the paper wasn't plagiarized appeared to have written it himself!

OP here. You make completely legitimate points, and I greatly appreciate you weighing in.

I guess when I learned about FERPA, I wasn't thinking about trying to intervene in course selection or grades. It just seems like some kids are not 100 percent mature at age 18, and may still need a bit of coaching/scaffolding from a parent.

But some other person mentioned that there is a waiver. I'll ask my son about it, in case he's willing. I think he trusts us that we're not going to interfere with his college experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The annoyance comes from the fact that everyone acts like kids turn into adults at midnight the day they turn 18. They don't.

Oh yes they do. Legally speaking.

+1 and parents need to do more to get their children ready for that legal deadline. They don’t even see how much coddling they’re doing.

[Anonymous]

I had to put a FERPA restriction on because they made student addresses publicly available online and my parent had several death threats against them.

So yeah, hate it all you want, but I'm sure there are a lot of examples of protecting people who don't want their address/ information out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The annoyance comes from the fact that everyone acts like kids turn into adults at midnight the day they turn 18. They don't.

Oh yes they do. Legally speaking.

+1 and parents need to do more to get their children ready for that legal deadline. They don’t even see how much coddling they’re doing.

Oh so you can program humans to be ready for things at certain times? I really need to program my kids to be able to read by age 6. If not, what have I been doing with them? Same with my preschooler. He needs to ramp up the potty training so he will be full trained by age 2 and a half when the preschool says so. His bladder just needs to get with the program!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The annoyance comes from the fact that everyone acts like kids turn into adults at midnight the day they turn 18. They don't.

Oh yes they do. Legally speaking.

+1 and parents need to do more to get their children ready for that legal deadline. They don’t even see how much coddling they’re doing.

Oh so you can program humans to be ready for things at certain times? I really need to program my kids to be able to read by age 6. If not, what have I been doing with them? Same with my preschooler. He needs to ramp up the potty training so he will be full trained by age 2 and a half when the preschool says so. His bladder just needs to get with the program!

Lol. Ready or not, at 18 it is happening. If they are not ready, who's fault is that?

As the Oompa Loompas sang, "Whose. To. Blame? The Mother and the Father".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The annoyance comes from the fact that everyone acts like kids turn into adults at midnight the day they turn 18. They don't.

Oh yes they do. Legally speaking.

+1 and parents need to do more to get their children ready for that legal deadline. They don’t even see how much coddling they’re doing.

Oh so you can program humans to be ready for things at certain times? I really need to program my kids to be able to read by age 6. If not, what have I been doing with them? Same with my preschooler. He needs to ramp up the potty training so he will be full trained by age 2 and a half when the preschool says so. His bladder just needs to get with the program!

Lol. Ready or not, at 18 it is happening. If they are not ready, who's fault is that?

As the Oompa Loompas sang, "Whose. To. Blame? The Mother and the Father".

PP here, in making a good but hasty point I got BOTH "who"s wrong! Mea Culpa.