How much does religion matter with regard to your kids’ future spouses

[Anonymous]

I prefer that they end up with partners who are not religious, but I would be upset if they ended up with partners who are devout in any religion. Being casually religious in a social sense is fine though not desirable.

[Anonymous]

We are jewish and I would feel like my children are disowning me if they did not marry within the religion. My son dated a non-jewish girl in high school and it took a lot of self control to not say anything to him about it. Nobody in my or my husband's extended family has ever married outside the religion. No reason to start now.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of pressure on Jewish families to marry within the faith, generally speaking of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care a lot about the spouse's and grandchildren's religion, but my kids will be the ones picking their spouses based on what matters to them and will also be the ones raising their children.

By the time someone is old enough to be selecting a spouse, they are their own person with their own priorities and hassling them won't be productive. I just hope that my kids' experience growing up in our religion and community will be sufficiently warm, positive, fulfilling, and meaningful to make them want to replicate it for their own children.

Jewish.

Will your grandchildren not be welcomed by the community if one parent is not Jewish?

There isn't a uniform answer to that question. In terms of attendance at open community events, like services at shul, fairs, and holiday parties, there are no barriers and people are friendly. For purposes of developing deeper individual friendships and more organic social integration, different families have different attitudes regarding how insular to be and our social circles include a number of much more insular families than ours. My husband and I both have non-Jewish family members and intermarried ones with whom we are very close.

[Anonymous]

If my daughter married an evangelical (or any religion), I'd be a little concerned. She's a lesbian, so I think the chances are low.

[Anonymous]

We have LGBT people in our family, so I'd want them to be from a religion that's accepting and affirming. I'm also a pretty devout Christian myself, so I'd love for her to find someone she can raise Christian kids with, but it's also not my call. I'd support anyone who treats her well and makes her happy.

[Anonymous]

I would hope that my children choose spouses of the same faith as them, simply because not being on the same page can be a really big stressor to a marriage. I’m a Christian, and we are raising them in a Christian home. However, while I hope they do becomes Christians as well, I expect them to make that decision for themselves. If they are Christians, why would I expect them to choose a spouse that is? Either way I’m going to love and welcome the spouse into the family as much as I possibly can, because a tense IL relationship is also a big stressor. I don’t want to put that on my kids and grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hope that my children choose spouses of the same faith as them, simply because not being on the same page can be a really big stressor to a marriage. I’m a Christian, and we are raising them in a Christian home. However, while I hope they do becomes Christians as well, I expect them to make that decision for themselves. If they are Christians, why would I expect them to choose a spouse that is? Either way I’m going to love and welcome the spouse into the family as much as I possibly can, because a tense IL relationship is also a big stressor. I don’t want to put that on my kids and grandkids.

That should say “if they aren’t Christians”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care a lot about the spouse's and grandchildren's religion, but my kids will be the ones picking their spouses based on what matters to them and will also be the ones raising their children.

By the time someone is old enough to be selecting a spouse, they are their own person with their own priorities and hassling them won't be productive. I just hope that my kids' experience growing up in our religion and community will be sufficiently warm, positive, fulfilling, and meaningful to make them want to replicate it for their own children.

Jewish.

Will your grandchildren not be welcomed by the community if one parent is not Jewish?

There isn't a uniform answer to that question. In terms of attendance at open community events, like services at shul, fairs, and holiday parties, there are no barriers and people are friendly. For purposes of developing deeper individual friendships and more organic social integration, different families have different attitudes regarding how insular to be and our social circles include a number of much more insular families than ours. My husband and I both have non-Jewish family members and intermarried ones with whom we are very close.

Your grandchildren will belong to another generation
Those insular families will most likely not grandchildren or even children with such insular attitudes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are jewish and I would feel like my children are disowning me if they did not marry within the religion. My son dated a non-jewish girl in high school and it took a lot of self control to not say anything to him about it. Nobody in my or my husband's extended family has ever married outside the religion. No reason to start now.

the reason would be if your children fall in love with someone of another, or no, religion. They are separate people, so who knows what they will want for themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are jewish and I would feel like my children are disowning me if they did not marry within the religion. My son dated a non-jewish girl in high school and it took a lot of self control to not say anything to him about it. Nobody in my or my husband's extended family has ever married outside the religion. No reason to start now.

Assuming by the age of your son that you're in your 40's or 50s -- you seem awfully old fashioned. I didn't know that parents these days were as concerned about religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care a lot about the spouse's and grandchildren's religion, but my kids will be the ones picking their spouses based on what matters to them and will also be the ones raising their children.

By the time someone is old enough to be selecting a spouse, they are their own person with their own priorities and hassling them won't be productive. I just hope that my kids' experience growing up in our religion and community will be sufficiently warm, positive, fulfilling, and meaningful to make them want to replicate it for their own children.

Jewish.

Will your grandchildren not be welcomed by the community if one parent is not Jewish?

There isn't a uniform answer to that question. In terms of attendance at open community events, like services at shul, fairs, and holiday parties, there are no barriers and people are friendly. For purposes of developing deeper individual friendships and more organic social integration, different families have different attitudes regarding how insular to be and our social circles include a number of much more insular families than ours. My husband and I both have non-Jewish family members and intermarried ones with whom we are very close.

Your grandchildren will belong to another generation
Those insular families will most likely not grandchildren or even children with such insular attitudes

I see the younger generations trending stricter and more insular than their parents, not less, in the more right wing families. But their kids are their business. They get to raise their kids and I will raise mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are jewish and I would feel like my children are disowning me if they did not marry within the religion. My son dated a non-jewish girl in high school and it took a lot of self control to not say anything to him about it. Nobody in my or my husband's extended family has ever married outside the religion. No reason to start now.

the reason would be if your children fall in love with someone of another, or no, religion. They are separate people, so who knows what they will want for themselves?

There are enough jewish people that they can find someone to fall in love with who is of the same religion.

[Anonymous]

It's different for Jewish people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's different for Jewish people.

Why?