Children of divorce - how to decide where they live after 18?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

During the summer, they either get a full time job, or do summer courses.

And they live... With roommates?

Quite frequently, yes. Many college kids don't could home every summer or any summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

I guess they can talk to each parent and see if either is willing to let them do that.

But you don't think it's something a parent HAS to offer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It stayed the same as when they were in high school - they had rooms in both homes.

For how long?

[Anonymous]

My college roommate’s parents filed as soon as they dropped her off freshman year. She went home for thanksgiving to the house on the market. She was told to pick which apartment she wanted her stuff at.

Came back completely stressed. Never went back home to live again. Short visits only, and each time she was worn out when she got back. Then we found an apartment for summer and stayed close to campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

During the summer, they either get a full time job, or do summer courses.

And they live... With roommates?

Quite frequently, yes. Many college kids don't could home every summer or any summer.

So it's ok to set this expectation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

Whatever they want to happen. Should’ve their choice.

What about what the parents want?

Do you understand that these children are now legal adults who get to make their own decisions, and the parents are now adult who are not responsible for their kids? If the kid wants to live at home, they can ask the parent and the parent may say yes or no. Or the parents can offer and see what the kid says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

Whatever they want to happen. Should’ve their choice.

What about what the parents want?

Of course each parent will have an opinion. Kid does not dictate anything. Is your kid trying to bully you, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP - what is your issue? That you don't want your 18 year old living with you after he/she graduates and you want to force them to live at the other parents? Is it a problem kid? If so, I'd hate to think you are trying to make sure you aren't stuck with them. If you want them and aren't sure if the other parent does too, you should discuss it. But I hope you aren't trying to kick out a kid that used to live with you,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

Whatever they want to happen. Should’ve their choice.

What about what the parents want?

What the parents want is secondary when you have adult children. Sure you could hold college tuition over their head, but I sure wouldn’t recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

Whatever they want to happen. Should’ve their choice.

What about what the parents want?

Do you understand that these children are now legal adults who get to make their own decisions, and the parents are now adult who are not responsible for their kids? If the kid wants to live at home, they can ask the parent and the parent may say yes or no. Or the parents can offer and see what the kid says.

That's what I'm trying to sort. So many think that DC are entitled to "being supported" for an extended period of time, and that a parent is a bad parent if the expectation is that they go out on their own into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens when the kids turn 18, they are legal adults, and custody no longer dictates living arrangements?

If you are/were divorced, how was this decision made?

Custody schedule and child support is in effect until they finish high school.

After that they go to college or decide themselves

[Anonymous]

Adult kids need to EARN their parents’ generosity.
The adult kids are NO longer entitled to any support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is your issue? That you don't want your 18 year old living with you after he/she graduates and you want to force them to live at the other parents? Is it a problem kid? If so, I'd hate to think you are trying to make sure you aren't stuck with them. If you want them and aren't sure if the other parent does too, you should discuss it. But I hope you aren't trying to kick out a kid that used to live with you,

Not trying to force anything. Just trying to understand how to decide whether to offer or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um hopefully they go to college and move into dorms. Or get a job and their own apartment. Assuming they are out of high school.

What happens if they want to live at home and go to school?

What happens during the summer?

Whatever they want to happen. Should’ve their choice.

What about what the parents want?

Do you understand that these children are now legal adults who get to make their own decisions, and the parents are now adult who are not responsible for their kids? If the kid wants to live at home, they can ask the parent and the parent may say yes or no. Or the parents can offer and see what the kid says.

That's what I'm trying to sort. So many think that DC are entitled to "being supported" for an extended period of time, and that a parent is a bad parent if the expectation is that they go out on their own into the world.

Don’t allow this nonsense from your entitled kid.

[Anonymous]

So often our adult kids demand the benefits of getting parental financial support, but they refuse the responsibilities.

It’s high time that the kids learn about the real world.