Would you let your 14 y/o freshman date a Junior?

[Anonymous]

I dated a 17-18 yo senior when I was a 15yo sophomore. It was fine.

Better a nice junior than a jerk (or worse) freshman. OP, if this kid were a sophomore instead of a junior, would you have any concerns about your daughter dating him? If not, I wouldn't let a few extra months determine your decision. Agreed though with a PP's post that if there are any issues about the age of consent/statutory rape laws in your state you make that very clear to both of them and supervise them very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that's too big of an age difference. If these kids end of up having sex, the boy could get into a lot of trouble.

No he’s only get into trouble if someone chose to prosecute like the parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that's too big of an age difference. If these kids end of up having sex, the boy could get into a lot of trouble.

It depends on age difference and state law. Many states have a two year acceptance window between the teens.

[Anonymous]

By 15/16 most of my son’s crowd (social, athletic) was having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most junior boys are having sex....

No, the average age of first sexual intercourse for males in the US is currently just under 18. So "most" happens older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old freshman dates a junior. He's 17. He doesn't drive, they see each other at sports practices and at school. I've never thought twice about it, and I'm a strict type parent I think it depends on the kids involved. I met the boy early on and I am a big fan. He's a sweet guy and kind to my daughter. Not sleeping together or spending much time alone together, so perhaps my feelings would change if that changed. It's not a factor right now.

This doesn't sound like dating

[Anonymous]

We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

Wow, he's being pretty cruel to drag this out. Death by a thousand paper cuts. Please encourage her to make a clean break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

Wow, he's being pretty cruel to drag this out. Death by a thousand paper cuts. Please encourage her to make a clean break.

+1

If she's "screaming and crying" now, imagine what prom night will be like. And be assured, the past tense of "they slept together" will be very much present tense--do you really think she isn't going to say yes to prom night/farewell sex? Are you OK with that, and all the emotion and pressure involved? Wow. Of course, if you say no to prom, you're a villain to her and she'll have sex with him anyway.

I really would ask that therapist if it's a good idea for a girl this emotionally fragile to go to prom with the guy whose departure she already can't handle. It sounds like a recipe for devastating her further, not giving her closure.

To OP: This is why teens who are younger shouldn't start dating. Not ready for all the emotional drama or for letting go. I know a lot of families where there is no dating until age 16 or junior year. It's somewhat arbitrary and doesn't guarantee no drama but it's better than kids dating at 13 or 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a popular jock-y type or a nerdy inexperienced type?

Ha! My popular captain of the football team older BF was significantly less experienced than my "nerdy" arty boyfriend. What's the point of this stereotype?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

I don't think this kind of behavior on both sides has anything to do with age. Her hypothetical same-age boyfriend could have broken it off because his family was moving to California, because he wanted to start dating her best friend, because it wasn't working for him any more, or for a million other reasons. I think your bigger issue here is not whether you could have prevented this in hindsight by forbidding her from dating someone two years older but how you help her learn from this experience and build resilience, which it sounds like she's lacking. If I were to forbid anything, it would be going to prom with him. She deserves better than to wallow in that masochistic experience, and I don't see how she could possibly enjoy it except as fuel for drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most junior boys are having sex....

With their right hand. They don't learn how to do it with their left hand until college.

[Anonymous]

The sex is not important to us as parents. I was pointing out that it existed and probably will into the future. She is an extremely together kid. She is very advanced with GPA, motivation, SAT, Extra Curricular, sports. She has played Varsity for the last two year on two sports and she has been team Captain for those 2 sports for the last 2 years. This guts her as she loves him. She will need to learn how to deal with loss. This experience will help her in the future and hopefully a therapist will help her deal with it. She is anything but emotionally fragile...which is the interesting part. But the relationship is also not a clean break.

[Anonymous]

Nope. And yes you can say no to this. Sure she may lie and sneak around, but still, there is only so far the relationship can go if he isn’t over your house or riding around in his car with him.

[Anonymous]

That is the most natural age difference for dating in high school. Did you go to high school?