Would you let your 14 y/o freshman date a Junior?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school to study. Not a chance that they will be allowed to date anyone in school. They need to study hard, get the grades and remain focussed.

This is the best response thus far. Amen...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in school to study. Not a chance that they will be allowed to date anyone in school. They need to study hard, get the grades and remain focussed.

This is the best response thus far. Amen...

Cute.

[Anonymous]

Op, 14 is way too young. I do want to give this advice though ~ When we had a 10th grader (old for her grade) who wanted to date a senior (young for his grade), I'll tell you what we did: They had to date AS IF they were both 10th graders - our rules - our rules for 10th grade dating. This is what it meant: he wasn't allowed to pick her up in his car. No dating that involved a car. We drove her and picked her up. We made sure a parent was going to be present. She had an early curfew. She couldn't go to the parties of seniors. (they had to hang out with 10th graders) Of course, this was a real drag for him, obviously - he didn't date her for long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

Wow, he's being pretty cruel to drag this out. Death by a thousand paper cuts. Please encourage her to make a clean break.

I’m sorry for your child but it reminds me of some advice a parent of male adults told me as we were sitting next to each other getting pedicures. She told me not to bother getting to know any girls my son dated or slept with as a teenager because none of the relationships last. After that, I never asked about any girl he was seeing or when they broke up. His father and I talked to him about being respectful,having safe sex and knowing when a girl says no it means no and not maybe. He’s in 11th grade now and I think I met one “girl friend” of many in the three years of high school. I told my daughter, his twin, boys don’t care about her or any other girl in high school. It’s mostly about the friends with benefits. Thankfully she’s a student athlete and is focused more on sports than boys. She has male friends but there isn’t a lot of time in her schedule to date. At their age, relationships don’t mean the same as what they did when I was in high school 25 years ago. If your child needs therapy, there are likely other issues going on beyond a terminated relationship. Hope she gets the help she needs to cope with life.

That’s truly terrible advice you got, and I can’t believe you’ve perpetuated it. Glad I don’t live in a world that resembles this in any way.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I have a 14 yr old DS and he is still a kid. I wouldn’t allow him to date (not that I can imagine any girl wanting to date him). I know girls are more mature but I still wouldn’t allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop it. You can either be aware of what's going on or lied to.
(I was forbidden to date my high school boyfriend because he was a senior while I was a freshman. We dated for 4 years. He was a good guy.)

Are you kidding me? With a 14 YO DD, yes, I would stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

With all due respect, it sounds like you are not handling this very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, 14 is way too young. I do want to give this advice though ~ When we had a 10th grader (old for her grade) who wanted to date a senior (young for his grade), I'll tell you what we did: They had to date AS IF they were both 10th graders - our rules - our rules for 10th grade dating. This is what it meant: he wasn't allowed to pick her up in his car. No dating that involved a car. We drove her and picked her up. We made sure a parent was going to be present. She had an early curfew. She couldn't go to the parties of seniors. (they had to hang out with 10th graders) Of course, this was a real drag for him, obviously - he didn't date her for long.

I would do this and be very strict about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

Tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a young freshman daughter who wants to date a Junior. When I was 15 I dated an 18 y/o, but know that it was NOT ideal (in hindsight, of course). I'm curious what other parents think?

It’s clear you and your daughter do not have enough positive activities in her life that consideration would be given to a 14 year old dating an 18 year old. Years ago a pediatrician friend told my husband and I to keep our girl busy with sports and lots of ECs. The teenage girls she saw in her practice were girls coming for birth control and STD tests and those coming in for sports physicals. I guess yours will be in the former group. /s/ Parent of a busy 17yr. old junior

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did and TRUELY wish we did not. They dated 1.5 years. He just broke up with her 2 days before Valentines Day. He is leaving to go to college in California and she is beyond devastated. She is screaming and crying. She starts therapy next week. They still remain "Best Friends" which does NO GOOD! Yes they slept together. We like the boy a lot. However, the age difference is huge and he is moving on. He explained it and she is in denial. Yes they will go to Prom and such.....but her heart is broken.

Wow, he's being pretty cruel to drag this out. Death by a thousand paper cuts. Please encourage her to make a clean break.

I’m sorry for your child but it reminds me of some advice a parent of male adults told me as we were sitting next to each other getting pedicures. She told me not to bother getting to know any girls my son dated or slept with as a teenager because none of the relationships last. After that, I never asked about any girl he was seeing or when they broke up. His father and I talked to him about being respectful,having safe sex and knowing when a girl says no it means no and not maybe. He’s in 11th grade now and I think I met one “girl friend” of many in the three years of high school. I told my daughter, his twin, boys don’t care about her or any other girl in high school. It’s mostly about the friends with benefits. Thankfully she’s a student athlete and is focused more on sports than boys. She has male friends but there isn’t a lot of time in her schedule to date. At their age, relationships don’t mean the same as what they did when I was in high school 25 years ago. If your child needs therapy, there are likely other issues going on beyond a terminated relationship. Hope she gets the help she needs to cope with life.

That’s truly terrible advice you got, and I can’t believe you’ve perpetuated it. Glad I don’t live in a world that resembles this in any way.

You truly live in a naive world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 15/16 most of my son’s crowd (social, athletic) was having sex.

I don't think your experience is universal. This certainly was not the case junior year for my very popular, athlete son and he actually had a semi-serious (also junior) girlfriend. It was much more common to start senior year or college for his crowd.

I don’t know what to tell you. That may have been your experience but I have a lot of friends with kids around this age and that’s when it seems to start for a lot of them. These are kids from Bethesda, McClean, Great Falls, NW DC, and Potomac. I al do have two teens one very social one not so much but even the less social one says that’s when her friends started she was a bit older (17). And the oral sex is just so incredibly casual that’s not even remotely a dating thing, and starts very young for a lot of kids. These are high achieving kids btw, with good heads on their shoulders. Not messed up ones.

[Anonymous]

There’s an “incoming 9th grade parents” meeting at a public HS DCUM loves-to-hate. There’s lots of parents, eager to hear about the high school for the first time, etc. The meeting’s in the school auditorium, the lead class advisor walks to the podium and literally starts the meeting with, first words spoken: “Do not let your freshman daughters date juniors or seniors. I repeat, do not let your freshman daughter date juniors or seniors.” Then the meeting continued as usual. I took her at her word.