Navigating economic class as a single mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

She lives in the US. Not Nigeria.

And the last time I checked, we were a free country. We can live as WE choose. Or is that no longer true? Do we all have to have a husband, a high salary, and 2.5 kids? Shame on you and everyone on this thread like you.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing the bed/bedroom thing isn’t about money. It’s probably time to carve out a bedroom nook for DC in some creative way. I shared 1BR apartments with roommates for a couple years. There are lots of ways to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

I feel like you’re projecting.

Your boy is simply making observations. He’s noticing things other people have.

Is it possible you’re simply disappointed in yourself? Because you shouldn’t be. You’re doing just fine, OP. You have a loving son, a nice school for him to attend, food on the table, a roof over your head. There are people who are envious of you. I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way, but it’s true. So stop beating yourself up because you “can’t compete”. I can’t “compete” with higher earners than me and I’m not beating myself up over it.

The issue isn’t your son. It’s you. The only thing that will mess up your boy is your attitude. Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the bed/bedroom thing isn’t about money. It’s probably time to carve out a bedroom nook for DC in some creative way. I shared 1BR apartments with roommates for a couple years. There are lots of ways to do it.

Time for a sofa bed, OP. Your son deserves his own room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

I’m one of the PPs who gave some “hard truths” above. You do NOT need to solve any of this today. You are correct that you are fine right now. But you need to map out a plan of how to ensure your long term strategy. Keep always being on the lookout for a better paying job. DC is a good place to network. Don’t make any rash decisions that may wind up costing you in the end. Build up your reserve funds. Be open to offers that might involve relocation to a lower COL location. Apply for Federal jobs. And you didn’t mention the father,; but get child support of you aren’t already.

Good luck, OP. Don’t panic.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a great mom. You've created great opportunities for your son and the hill is a wonderful place to be in. You should be proud of the decisions you're making. You're not saying that you can't afford the basics - I see no reason to move to some other COL where you don't have your village that you may have here. People act like it is easy to get up and move some place, and its not. We have a high HHI ($500K), 2 working parents, 2 kids, and often feel that we aren't keeping up with the Joneses as well. I think part of it is living in the DC area. But if it doesn't bother you and your son, then keep forging ahead.

[Anonymous]

You’re doing great op! He is lucky to have you. What a cool childhood to grow up like that. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing great! Never know where life will take us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

She lives in the US. Not Nigeria.

And the last time I checked, we were a free country. We can live as WE choose. Or is that no longer true? Do we all have to have a husband, a high salary, and 2.5 kids? Shame on you and everyone on this thread like you.

Of course, but she needs to carve out some space for him that is his own. It doesn't need to be big but it needs to be his own. He is only 5 so it isn't like the is 12 or something - it doesn't need to be right this minute. But op can make a plan. PP is right about making a plan.

OP you are doing fine but he isn't a baby anymore. You just need to make a plan for the future. Your apartment sounds fine. Not having a car is a smart choice. But think about what you really need in that apartment and figure out a way to make a spot for him that is his own. Ikea has great ideas - not saying you need to buy their stuff at all - just that they have great ideas about how to use small spaces. GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:75k living in DC is not a decent income. Can you get a job in a lower COL city? Usually salaries don't fully adjust for COL and in the case of DC, they definitely don't. For example, if you're a teacher, you can make about as much in Kentucky as DC. But your COL is probably half. Growing up poor in downtown DC sounds terrible

+1

OP, you need to move to a new city/state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:75k living in DC is not a decent income. Can you get a job in a lower COL city? Usually salaries don't fully adjust for COL and in the case of DC, they definitely don't. For example, if you're a teacher, you can make about as much in Kentucky as DC. But your COL is probably half. Growing up poor in downtown DC sounds terrible

+1

OP, you need to move to a new city/state.

Also wanted to add that my sister, who is a teacher in KY, makes around 70k and just paid off her nice 3 BR house on that salary. I'm not saying you need to move to KY, but just about anywhere is going to be cheaper than DC. Also, it's not all about what you can afford right now, but making sure you're taking care of your future self and saving enough for retirement. Taking care of yourself financially is really the best gift you can give to your adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

I am one of the ones saying he needs his own space at some point. You are doing great. This is the downside of being a single mom, while you don't have compromise with anyone, the decisions are all on you and that means even the hard ones. You are doing great. He is in a great school and is thriving. Logistically you are doing great, and logistics are a huge thing for any working parents. What you are doing with the benefits of flexibility with your job, his school and childcare and your commute are working now. The early elementary years are the hardest logistically IMO, because the kids can't stay home alone or get themselves around, but schools are rarely set up to help working parents at all. It is the piecing together of coverage for snow days, school holidays, getting kids to and from school, before/after care - it is HARD. And you have a job and a living location that are making that work. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! I think a lot of parents have self doubts. I know I did. I just read online that Princess Kate has self doubts about working and being a mom. It is HARD for everyone for different reasons. Hang in there.

You are in the thick of it now and it will get easier. Everyone has to make choices about their money. You are making great choices. It is also okay for your kids to complain about your choices. Don't take it personally. My ds knows how lucky he is but he also complains that we live on a busy street instead of a quiet one like his friends who can play basketball in the street. I said, Ok. Well, I like our street. You can live where you want to when you grow up. It is okay for him to say that and I don't need to take it personally. His friends live in large houses on quiet culdesacs. I like my small house on a busy street. It is okay for him to like other things.

Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

She lives in the US. Not Nigeria.

And the last time I checked, we were a free country. We can live as WE choose. Or is that no longer true? Do we all have to have a husband, a high salary, and 2.5 kids? Shame on you and everyone on this thread like you.

Actually beds and bedrooms are something CPS and judges really care about. My DD didn’t sleep in her own bed at all until she was 5 and did not do so consistently until I remarried when she was 9, but I had to prove that she had a bed. It has come up in family court for so many people I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

She lives in the US. Not Nigeria.

And the last time I checked, we were a free country. We can live as WE choose. Or is that no longer true? Do we all have to have a husband, a high salary, and 2.5 kids? Shame on you and everyone on this thread like you.

Actually beds and bedrooms are something CPS and judges really care about. My DD didn’t sleep in her own bed at all until she was 5 and did not do so consistently until I remarried when she was 9, but I had to prove that she had a bed. It has come up in family court for so many people I know.

CPS does care but we should be careful not to give the impression that it is the law in Virginia that children need to have their own beds. It is a totality of the circumstances thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

Anonymous wrote:Well 75k feels like a lot to me. I work in non profit and have no student loans or credit card debt. I manage my money very well and love what I do so don’t have an interest in moving to a “lower cost of living” and being a teacher for example.

You're not going to significantly improve your QOL in this scenario. Sometimes the solution is obvious, but it requires a big change and we just don't want to do it.

[Anonymous]

OP what is your housing budget? There might be better options with your budget that you haven’t considered.

More important do you feel like you have a long time financial plan? Are you on track to be where you want to be in the future? If so then keep plugging along.