Navigating economic class as a single mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you literally have no debt- even as a single mom is like wow! How do you not have student loans or even a credit card? Most single parents have at least 1 credit card for emergencies. I call troll. Show me a single mom with no debt and I’ll show you Mariah Carey’s cupcakes

It sounds like OP only became a single parent in the past year. So that makes a little more sense

Yea clearly- the debt train is coming. Let there be 1 emergency that wipes out her little emergency fund.

Ignore these kinds of posters, op. They have a lot of anger and they are trying to kick you to make themselves feel better. You are fine, OP. Better off than a lot of people who are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP you just can’t engage on this. We have a very high HHI and no playroom, don’t take international trips, no backyard, other stuff my kids take note of. You are never going to have everything other families have.

x1000000

[Anonymous]

Do you remember this book, OP?


this is what I tell my kids - this nest is best. This home is the best one for us. My youngest is a tween and I still tell him this when he wishes we lived somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to be on Capitol Hill? Why not anacostia or Shaw or even silver spring? I’m not suggesting you move to Kentucky but some of this is exactly what you mentioned- you’re I the hill so of course there are going to be stark differences. That in and of itself slightly makes me think you do want be part of a higher class which you can not reach. You seem practical but also a little delusional about your situation. I say that while congratulating you on being a great mom but do you have to be on Capitol Hill? What’s so glamorous about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you literally have no debt- even as a single mom is like wow! How do you not have student loans or even a credit card? Most single parents have at least 1 credit card for emergencies. I call troll. Show me a single mom with no debt and I’ll show you Mariah Carey’s cupcakes

It sounds like OP only became a single parent in the past year. So that makes a little more sense

Yea clearly- the debt train is coming. Let there be 1 emergency that wipes out her little emergency fund.

Ignore these kinds of posters, op. They have a lot of anger and they are trying to kick you to make themselves feel better. You are fine, OP. Better off than a lot of people who are married.

+1

Honestly, I don't think kicking people when they are down makes this type of person feel better, at all - but they keep doing it. Definition of insanity, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you literally have no debt- even as a single mom is like wow! How do you not have student loans or even a credit card? Most single parents have at least 1 credit card for emergencies. I call troll. Show me a single mom with no debt and I’ll show you Mariah Carey’s cupcakes

It sounds like OP only became a single parent in the past year. So that makes a little more sense

Yea clearly- the debt train is coming. Let there be 1 emergency that wipes out her little emergency fund.

Having a tough day, pp? Some days are like that, but step away from the computer.

I'm a single parent with a modest salary. My debt is student loan and mortgage, but I pay off my credit card every month. I have funds to support us for a frugal year without dipping into retirement. Many people are not that fortunate. Some of us are both lucky and frugal. There is no need to be randomly mean spirited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hang out with teachers, preachers and social workers. They are all in the same bracket you are in, so no one will feel weird. Self select your social group, stay away from rich people.

Except they’re not because most teachers are married to another income provider.

Not me. I’m a single parent and a teacher and I make what the OP makes. We lived in a one bedroom until my DS started MS. I didn’t like the MS we were zoned for so we moved to a basement apartment in a great school district. It is technically a one bedroom but the living room is pretty large. My DS got the bedroom and I have a comfy pull out sofa for my bed. It works fine and my kid goes to a great school. There will always be people with more and less than you. My son has very wealthy friends but they are nice kids and their parents seem pretty nice too. We are doing better than a whole lot of people. We have a safe place to live, plenty of food and everything we need. The rest is just extra.

[Anonymous]

It is the same for all of us. Our income is higher than yours, and our children are often exposed to others who get new iPhones every year (the latest and greatest), travel overseas multiple times per year, while we visit relatives and go to the beach, and where the parents spend more on presents at Christmas than we spend on, well, anything. You have to let go of this, because at ANY income, there are always people who will make more and or make different spending decisions than you do. And, there are always people who make less, much less. We do an angel tree at Christmas, and we've always picked families with children our children's ages. They see directly that there are others with less too, much less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

This sounds concerning. Do you have any savings set aside for an emergency? Would you be able to go 2-3 months without a paycheck? Do you have enough money leftover to contribute to a retirement account? Building savings should be your main focus right now so you're not living paycheck to paycheck.

Are you kidding? What percentage of Americans can live 2-3 months without a pay check? OP is doing her best, this isn’t helpful.

Yes, OP should aim for 2-3 months of living expenses to keep her and her child afloat during unemployment, or to pay for a healthcare emergency, etc. Life can throw curve balls, and telling OP to build her savings is sound advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

I am a single mom myself and have been for years and unlike the other posters I will tell you the hard truth - yes, you are making a mistake.

You have lto start viewing your DS and yourself as a family and realize this is your kid’s childhood. This will be his memories and his growing up experience. And growing up without a bedroom in a little basement apartment and being a “have not” for years is not good. The cost of everything costs more downtown from the cost of utilities, to groceries, to a cup of coffee and those costs will continue to go up.

Stability in childhood is a huge factor in a child’s long term success and not having a home that offered him a bedroom isn’t stable. It gives a sense of temporary and not being settled.

You can find a new place that has good schools where your child will thrive, where you can set up a home and will have decent commute options. You can expand your professional options for a larger income. But to do all that requires you to stop thinking you are stuck and the only option you have is living in Capital Hill.

[Anonymous]

Do you get child support from your ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

She lives in the US. Not Nigeria.

And the last time I checked, we were a free country. We can live as WE choose. Or is that no longer true? Do we all have to have a husband, a high salary, and 2.5 kids? Shame on you and everyone on this thread like you.

Actually beds and bedrooms are something CPS and judges really care about. My DD didn’t sleep in her own bed at all until she was 5 and did not do so consistently until I remarried when she was 9, but I had to prove that she had a bed. It has come up in family court for so many people I know.

This comment is helping to confirm my sense that the people who are trying to shame OP for not being wealthier are probably poorer and less educated than she is. I cannot imagine anyone who is middle-class or above allowing themselves to make comments like these. I know no one who has ever had to go near CPS. And that level of self-hatred and associated cruelty towards other women is so saddening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you literally have no debt- even as a single mom is like wow! How do you not have student loans or even a credit card? Most single parents have at least 1 credit card for emergencies. I call troll. Show me a single mom with no debt and I’ll show you Mariah Carey’s cupcakes

I'm a single mom without any debt. I never had student loans - I worked full time and part time while going to school part time as I earned the money to pay for classes, plus got financial aid. I have a debit card and my HSA card, but no credit card. If I have an emergency, I'll use savings. My savings account is linked to my checking account.

[Anonymous]

What is your income PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I’m a single mom of 1 and make a fairly decent income ( 75 k and not skipping a beat). I moved into an apartment on the hill- English basement because I need quick access to work and daycare and having a car doesn’t fit in the budget. It’s affordable and just what we need for now. However- as my son is making friends fast, he is quick to point out all the amenities his friends have. An ‘ upstairs’ for example or a playroom with a whole wall of toys- all the kinetic sand he gets to play with and kids have their own bed/bedrooms. I’m beginning to have that sinking feeling of being lower class and like I’m not doing enough. I could move to a lower cost area but on my income- it would put me in the red just in logistics alone and even eat in my ability to spend quality time with him. I need that. The father and I didn’t work out- so be it.

How do I navigate these feelings that are eating at my esteem and help not only myself but my son since we are quite positioned in a high income area? How do I bond other parents without looking like a charity case or practice showing my son that he has more than enough? He is only 5 so I don’t know what conversation to have.

What does this mean?