Stay at Home vs Retired

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not really retiring then. You just want him to change duties. I’d keep working if my DW is like you.

So you’re not supposed to parent your kid and your wife is supposed to suck it up and work two shifts when you’re home all day? You still have school aged children. No one gets to fully “retire”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I would be irritated by his proposal, too. Perhaps he needs to be reminded that he is retiring from his job and not from being a parent LOL . Maybe you can remind him- happy wife, happy life.

This

[Anonymous]

No one gets to retire from parenting duties until the kids are out of the house at 18. I’d absolutely push back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be really disappointed if my husband didn’t feel we should both benefit from him retiring early.

+1. There’s enough extra time in there for everyone to benefit.

This. OP's DH sounds like an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I retired this year because my husband had stay-at-home wife privilege and my full-time salary. I will do the SAH stuff and we'll keep the once a week housekeeper. We'll see how it goes. We can financially handle it; just not sure if I"ll like it. I'm 6 years older but worked about 10 years longer in my career than he has. Also, my career paid more over the years so I also saved about 2/3 of the family fortune. I've earned it. Maybe he has too. That said, not only should he pick up kid, he should master the art of making your take-to-work lunches.

Imagine a nice bento with warm soup in the bottom, some pot stickers in the middle, and a fresh salad on top, above the hot top? Sounds good doesn't?

OP here. That's funny. That was his exact phrase - he's earned this. Only thing is, if we maintain the status quo, I feel like's he's earned it at the cost of my labor -

He currently makes the kid's lunch. He's a really good lunch maker. However, one of my job benefits is free on-site meal, so I've never asked

Not that I actually think it should come down to money, but would he be able to afford your current lifestyle (mortgage, healthcare, household expenses) without your income? Or at least half of it? If not, he really hasn’t “earned” it. You’re just subsidizing him to allow him to retire - which is fine, that bargain is made all the time and I don’t see any issue with it provided the working spouse is comfortable with it.

But, even if he has, he should be doing the drop off and pick ups because his schedule is more flexible and it’s just petty he wouldn’t.

We may potentially face this in a year. My H can retire (law enforcement), and has said he’d take over drop off and pick when he does, as well as all sorts of other random household things. I’m skeptical, but, willing to see how it goes (I think he’ll hate it). He wants me to retire as well, but I’m not ready for several reasons (boredom, want more in retirement funds). I’m fine with being the primary breadwinner (he’d have a pension, but it’s a fraction of his current salary), but I’d also not want to pay $800/month for aftercare plus $$ for full time camps during school breaks. Totally fine still outsourcing cleaning though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one gets to retire from parenting duties until the kids are out of the house at 18. I’d absolutely push back.

x1,000,000. He needs to step up at home. You both should get a benefit from his retirement.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DS will be 12 when your DH retires? How long will you have to do pickups? Will there be a bus? If this is your only point of contention, thus far...

[Anonymous]

Is he retiring and staying at home or is he getting another job/side gig/hobby

Either way if he is at home, he can do the drop off and picks ups. Agree with you on that.

[Anonymous]

I have seen this a few times with military dads. They retire young while kids are still at home and their wives keep working. Of course they take over pick up and drop off.

[Anonymous]

Would DH be willing to hire someone to do the pickup/dropoff & manage that person/task?

[Anonymous]

My Dad retired 5 years before my Mom and definitely picked up things on the home front. Not 100% but on the things that made sense-like for my brothers still at home/in school. He made most of weekday meals (even if my mom planned them) and all the laundry. What your DH may not realize OP is that his ability to lighten your load benefits everyone, makes life better for all. Weekends became time for adventures and weeknights were less stressful and allowed for spur of the moment dinners out, kick back and watch movies or reading a book.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this is him pushing back on communication more than responsibilities. Was the conversation a conversation “What do you think might change in the house?” Or a “oh great so you can do this and this now.” Not saying that happened but maybe he felt like you dictated his time and he is passive aggressively pushing back. If not, he is not being a great partner to want you to still get up earlier / extend the work day for pick up / drop off.

[Anonymous]

I am a stay at home mom and at this point, due to my spouse's schedule, I do all of the drop offs and pick ups.

Previously, when my spouse worked from home, I did this 80% of the time. It's really nice to share drop offs and pick ups if you can. It gets to be a real grind otherwise.

I think the important thing is that both of you agree on how to share parenting duties before he retires. I would recommend going to couples counseling.

His position would drive me crazy. I don't blame you for being frustrated. It's like he doesn't see or value your parenting work at all.

[Anonymous]

It could be that your DH won't be "retired" for too long. After the novelty wears off, he may want to (go back to) work (somewhere else) PT. DH gets antsy being idle too long at home and found a PT job that gives him flexibility so he can do kid-duty before/after school , but gives him motivation to get out of bed and not slip into being too lazy.

Also, your 11 yr old will, presumbly, be in middle school next year, no? Not sure if you're private or public, but you'll be changing schools so will dropoff/pick up still be an issue?

[Anonymous]

He might quickly get very bored being retired and see doing the pick ups as a way to keep busy! My Dad is retired and lives near us and often offers to do drop offs and pick ups. When your husband retires I bet if you keep to the same schedule as you have now he will start feeling guilty because he is just sitting around on his butt.