Stay at Home vs Retired

[Anonymous]

Well, what did he say? Did he say he will sleep in and all will stay the same? I can't imagine that he will not do pick ups and drops offs. I would assume he would develop a stronger bond with his kid and that this will all work out pretty great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is not really retiring then. You just want him to change duties. I’d keep working if my DW is like you.

So you’re not supposed to parent your kid and your wife is supposed to suck it up and work two shifts when you’re home all day? You still have school aged children. No one gets to fully “retire”.

Exactly. Parenting is a job, but it is a job that never stops. Heck, this attitude of men that they should not do house work and child bringing is nothing but arseholery! My dh works, in Afghanistan! And while here on R&R he spends all of his days with the kids.

[Anonymous]

You can't retire from being a parent! This is meant for "I would keep working" douche bag of a pp!!!

[Anonymous]

I posted that he is not right to think parenting is a job... Men think like this about themselves... but in their mind, housework and parenting is not work! yet, now it suits he that it is when it comes to him?! That is so typically male chauvinist point of view! I bet your he never thinks that when you are cooking, cleaning, or wiping kids' a*ses it was work for YOU! Ha, ha. However, given that this is the society we live in...I would keep your housekeeper if you want to have a clear house and not lose your mind after he retires. It will save your mind from entering the house that is a disaster if you think he will do housework!

[Anonymous]

You are arguing over nothing. Your DH will naturally do more pick ups and drop offs.

Is there no bus? Why can’t your kid take the bus like everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I’m a SAHM of 3. DH picks up or drops off if timing works with his commute. If he is on the way home, of course he will swing by and pick up.

If you are already up, I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to continue to drop off in morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are arguing over nothing. Your DH will naturally do more pick ups and drop offs.

Is there no bus? Why can’t your kid take the bus like everyone else?

+1. No decent guy will do nothing and just watch his wife struggles. But, if you tell him "this is your next job" after working 30+ years, of course he will get unhappy. Be smart. Full of dumb women here.

[Anonymous]

OP, I speak to you from the perspective of a 50 year old married to a 60 year old.

It is statistically likely you will be his caretaker as he ages. Unless you divorce him.

Keep how he behaves towards you now in mind, when you think about your obligations to him in the future.

If his mentality is -- I'm free from work and household and parenting responsibilities now -- why should you put your life on hold in the future when he needs help with caretaking?

[Anonymous]

I think it time reverts to 66% "his time", about 2/3.

Op, you won't know until you live it. He'll be bored (a little) and will be glad to pickup/drop off. But he may travel some too.. so at that time he'll be 0% available. Your 11 year old is of the age where they really ought to be fixing dinner for themselves, at least they could. I think dinner is nothing to be debating about.

Op, it's going to take years for a new pattern to emerge. You just have to step into the darkness with faith that it'll work out. In the years the two of you are adjusting, you'll be adjusting to your DC as an capable, independent adult and you'll be planning your own "next chapter", however you want that to look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when old people have kids.

This. When our youngest is 11, we’ll be 42. When she leaves for college we’ll be 49.

[Anonymous]

This is so silly. He's retiring from work, not from life. If you didn't have a kid but you had a dog, would retirement mean he suddenly isn't responsible for walking the dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when old people have kids.

This. When our youngest is 11, we’ll be 42. When she leaves for college we’ll be 49.

Clearly doesn't make either of you kind, though. Maybe you should have waited so you'd develop empathy before raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so silly. He's retiring from work, not from life. If you didn't have a kid but you had a dog, would retirement mean he suddenly isn't responsible for walking the dog?

Sounds like he’s saying they should both walk the dog 50% of the time. He shouldn’t have to walk the dog 100% of the time just because he’s home all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so silly. He's retiring from work, not from life. If you didn't have a kid but you had a dog, would retirement mean he suddenly isn't responsible for walking the dog?

Sounds like he’s saying they should both walk the dog 50% of the time. He shouldn’t have to walk the dog 100% of the time just because he’s home all day.

Right. But what it should mean is that the dog gets more walks.

[Anonymous]

Good luck. I’m about 6 years out from a similar situation. I’m seriously considering separating due to my resentment at his retirement with kids still at home and all the usual home care. He picks and chooses what random project he wants to work on after sleeping in bc he binge watched Netflix. I thought a little time doing this was ok, but it’s been years. Every discussion is “but I retired”. Please work this out BEFORE he actually retires.