Step-son Moving Back In

[Anonymous]

I think your husband needs to detail what exactly "his way" IS. DEFINE IT. What rules will be in place. What will be "the last straw." How many chances will DS get. All of that.

He needs to write it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.... I should add, things are just short of personally violent at his moms. Broken doors, window glass, screaming, cursing, etc. my husband feels that it would be different here.

Wait?!

Is the 20 year old breaking stuff at his mom’s house??!!? If so that’s a bad situation for her and will become hell on earth for you. A drug addict who is borderline violent with his own mother will have no problem pushing his stepmom around. How d is your child? Inviting his brother to live with you could easily turn violent for him too. Personally this would be my hill to die on. No way.

Figure out another living situation - you’re going to have to pay up to find him an apartment or halfway house or something. But those are the two options: he terrorizes you and your child in your house OR you pay for him to live somewhere else. Either way it will cost you because there’s no way his dad will let his so become homeless no matter how much of a screwup he is. The other option is divorce. Sometimes all the choices suck.

I have suggested a halfway house - no...
Too many bad influences. I have suggested renting him an efficiently.....
No, he will be worse off our of sight.

If I push things and my husband moves out, I could lose custody of my daughter. The situation sucks.

My husband honestly believes he won’t be violent here. (He and ex don’t get along)

If your husband leaves and moves in with a violent drug addict, I doubt most judges will give him physical custody of a young girl. Is your husband threatening you with this?

More or less. He’s willing to not let him move in or he sees that the incentive is giving us “progress” but he has made it clear if he decides it isn’t helping, he won’t keep him out just to protect our child. Yes, he said he’d leave first if he thinks his son needs a stable living situation that only he can provide.

He doesn’t see a violent drug addict. The violence is all provoked by the ex-wife not handling things well, in his mind. Our kid is perfectly safe.
And, I just don’t get it as he’s not really my son.

[Anonymous]

Get and make copies of anything you can the outlines the condition your step son is in, and the level of violence taking place. Emails, texts with you husband, ex-wife etc. Do this before you give a firm no to him moving in.

[Anonymous]

I am kind of confused about this all being prompted by marijuana use. It really doesn’t make much sense.

[Anonymous]

Is he on his dad' health insurance? In patient clinic or a rehab center somewhere in the mountains would be your best option.

[Anonymous]

OP that sounds like a very difficult situation, but you are right to be opposed if he's been violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband needs to detail what exactly "his way" IS. DEFINE IT. What rules will be in place. What will be "the last straw." How many chances will DS get. All of that.

He needs to write it out.

Op here. It’s ljke listening to my own brain. Again, husband says he will have “rules” but no consequences for breaking them. His way is showing him love and support and gradually bringing him around to accept help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of confused about this all being prompted by marijuana use. It really doesn’t make much sense.

+1 Overdose and three days of psychosis is ... not something that is caused by marijuana. This is either some Reefer Madness nonsense trolling or OP has no idea what drugs this kid is actually on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband needs to detail what exactly "his way" IS. DEFINE IT. What rules will be in place. What will be "the last straw." How many chances will DS get. All of that.

He needs to write it out.

Op here. It’s ljke listening to my own brain. Again, husband says he will have “rules” but no consequences for breaking them. His way is showing him love and support and gradually bringing him around to accept help.

Would it help to show your DH a definition of the term "enabler"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of confused about this all being prompted by marijuana use. It really doesn’t make much sense.

+1 Overdose and three days of psychosis is ... not something that is caused by marijuana. This is either some Reefer Madness nonsense trolling or OP has no idea what drugs this kid is actually on.

OP here. Not trolling. Yes, THC overdose can cause psychosis. And, who knows if there is some other underlying psych diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of confused about this all being prompted by marijuana use. It really doesn’t make much sense.

Marijuana can exacerbate symptoms of pre-existing mental illness, but it wouldn't cause them on its own. I would also imagine that weed is what he tells his parents and there are other drugs involved as well. Just a guess.

[Anonymous]

OP again

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/demystifying-psychiatry/201801/acute-marijuana-induced-psychosis-may-predict-future-illness%3famp

It exists. And it’s not a good thing.
Its just our best guess at this point, based on what he admitted to using, how much, his behavior then, and his behavior now (not like before, but not out of touch with reality)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get and make copies of anything you can the outlines the condition your step son is in, and the level of violence taking place. Emails, texts with you husband, ex-wife etc. Do this before you give a firm no to him moving in.

+1

[Anonymous]

Our neighbor went through something similar with his son. Mom did kick him out and neighbor saw no other alternative but to invite him in. Four years later the diagnoses is that he is bipolar. Things are better now. You don't want to know about the 4 year inbetween though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband needs to detail what exactly "his way" IS. DEFINE IT. What rules will be in place. What will be "the last straw." How many chances will DS get. All of that.

He needs to write it out.

Op here. It’s ljke listening to my own brain. Again, husband says he will have “rules” but no consequences for breaking them. His way is showing him love and support and gradually bringing him around to accept help.

If that would have worked, it ... would have worked already.