He's in a relationship...so what's his intention when he flirts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone I work with flirts with me but I know for a fact that he is in a relationship (not married).

- Gives a lot of compliments
- Saying he enjoys my company
- Saying things like "you always look nice," "I like your shoes" and "you have a nice smile"
- Invades my personal space (for example, pointing at a line of text on a clipboard that was sitting on my lap)
- Stood over me looking down at me before hugging me without warning
- Squeezing my shoulder in a supportive way
- Suggesting I go to the gym alone (when we were talking about exercise)
- Sitting close to me and leaning in
- Touching my hand
- Grabbing my hand and fiddling with one of my rings
- Telling me about his personal life
- Bragging about finances
- Gave me elevator eyes once

Is this inappropriate behavior for someone in a relationship? Does he want something more from me? Is this over the line or could it just be innocent flirting?

This is innapropiate for someone who works with you and, of course, for someone in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is his first name Joe?

+1. Late 7Os, silver hair,!thinks he’s still relevant? Yeah, me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never heard of “elevator eyes.” Off to google it.

Aaahhh, okay. Yes, this guy is inappropriate, geez. Are you attracted to him? Is the flirting mutual? If there’s a mutual “thing” between you that’s been growing and escalating then I wouldn’t call this sexual harassment, though his behavior sounds cheesy, inappropriate and over-the-top. And if he has a GF then he’s an a-hole. BUT if this is one-sided then it’s definitely harassment and you should set boundaries and tell him he is making you uncomfortable.

The fact that your primary concern is that he has a GF makes me wonder if you are attracted to this guy and want confirmation that he is indeed hitting on you.

I had to look up elevator eyes as well, but gross, OP, gross.

He's looking over your shoulder (down your shirt?), he's holding your hands (fiddling with your RINGS).

In what way is this appropriate at work unless you work in a bordello?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm not going to lie, I am crazy attracted to him. However, I haven't gone out of my way to flirt with him because I am not a particularly flirty person. I'm 34.

Is he looking for a side piece? What sort of signal is he hoping for? I'm not exactly wise to the ways of the world.

His behavior has been escalating but he hasn't asked for my number or suggested we get together or anything (not saying it would be right just stating the facts).

[Anonymous]

Just googled elevator eyes. Oy vey. Op, this is a guy who flirts with other women when he’s in a committed relationship. Is that the kind of guy you want in your life? You’re an ego stroke to him. He finds you attractive. He’s a guy - he finds lots of women attractive. He knows you like him, he’s working that because it makes him feel good. Maybe he’d take it farther than flirting, maybe he wouldn’t. Even if he did, you’d be nothing more than something on the side for him. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

Put your energy into finding someone single to date. Someone who won’t flirt with other people while they’re in a relationship with you.

[Anonymous]

He's a hunter. He just wants to see if he can catch you because the hunt gives him a thrill. Propose marriage to him in a crazy way, and he'll leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone I work with flirts with me but I know for a fact that he is in a relationship (not married).

- Gives a lot of compliments
- Saying he enjoys my company
- Saying things like "you always look nice," "I like your shoes" and "you have a nice smile"
- Invades my personal space (for example, pointing at a line of text on a clipboard that was sitting on my lap)
- Stood over me looking down at me before hugging me without warning
- Squeezing my shoulder in a supportive way
- Suggesting I go to the gym alone (when we were talking about exercise)
- Sitting close to me and leaning in
- Touching my hand
- Grabbing my hand and fiddling with one of my rings
- Telling me about his personal life
- Bragging about finances
- Gave me elevator eyes once

Is this inappropriate behavior for someone in a relationship? Does he want something more from me? Is this over the line or could it just be innocent flirting?

Probably inappropriate. I assume the person he is in a relationship with is.... Dr. Jill Biden?

[Anonymous]

Hes just being friendly.

[Anonymous]

Obviously he wants some and obviously you enjoy it so he's continuing to do things and escalating. He isn't married, so just get it over with and get it on and see if it is something that has any traction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is his first name Joe?

Nope, I'm afraid not.

[Anonymous]

Men like attention. That's what he's getting out of flirting with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Surely you don’t need us to tell you it’s inappropriate. The only thing he hasn’t done (yet) is tell you about his sexual prowess.

So is there no chance in your mind that his intentions are innocent? He certainly has made me feel funny, but there was nothing he did that was so over the top that I felt that I could be 100% certain of what he was trying to get across.

Who gives a crap what his intentions are. If you're fine with it then fine. If you're not fine with it then tell him to cut it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men like attention. That's what he's getting out of flirting with you.

Women like attention also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'm not going to lie, I am crazy attracted to him. However, I haven't gone out of my way to flirt with him because I am not a particularly flirty person. I'm 34.

Is he looking for a side piece? What sort of signal is he hoping for? I'm not exactly wise to the ways of the world.

His behavior has been escalating but he hasn't asked for my number or suggested we get together or anything (not saying it would be right just stating the facts).

I’m surprised that you’re so naive at 34, but maybe you’v lead a very sheltered life.

You mentioned that his behavior is escalating. If I were you, I wouldn’t be alone with him or encourage him in any way. He sounds predatory. If you’re as naive as you seem, he might be ‘grooming’ you.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised that you’re so naive at 34, but maybe you’v lead a very sheltered life.

I'm definitely bit sheltered, but more than that, I don't like to assume anything. I'm one of these people you have to spell things out for. I thought he was probably flirting, and probably attracted to me, but this guy is GOOD. Everything thing he does is right on that edge where it is plausibly deniable. Like, pointing at the clipboard. Yes, he was in my personal space but maybe he was just pointing at the text, you know what I mean?

There is nothing direct and specific for me to respond to, and he never says in words what he is thinking, other than saying he enjoys my company and things like that. I suppose I wouldn't want to say something more direct and have him deny that he mean anything all along.