I’m dying slow painful death of undermining from narcissist mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is a screw turning pure evil shrew. If she went out and bought some snacks - and didn’t hand me a bill for them - I’d be dancing a jig.
You sound uptight. Your mom is only visiting and will go home soon. Suspend all of your rules and expectations and chill out and just wait for her to go home.

Amen. Yelling like an idiot over snacks. Who does that?

[Anonymous]

Also, you said your brother is an ..... your mom is another something... and you are no peach? Maybe some therapy is in order? Usually when people classify so many others as crazy, it is them, not the people they accuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is a screw turning pure evil shrew. If she went out and bought some snacks - and didn’t hand me a bill for them - I’d be dancing a jig.
You sound uptight. Your mom is only visiting and will go home soon. Suspend all of your rules and expectations and chill out and just wait for her to go home.

Amen. Yelling like an idiot over snacks. Who does that?

+1

[Anonymous]

BFD, man... why are you wasting your time on this?

[Anonymous]

Here is my question to you OP and to other pps who posted just about the same exact scenarios. Getting bent out of shape, making a circus over indulging a kid for a couple of days, because "damn it, I am in charge, and not even for one hour, mom and dad, are you allowed to forget it," attitude is an indications of the need to control every single minuscule thing and to order people around. Now, you have kids, you and others posting about similar here. Are you such insecure control freaks with your kids? Because, you must be, you can't just be a sweetheart to your kid and wife/husband and then yell at the top of your lungs at your mom and dad? And your kid is present while this yelling is happening? You just thought you kid that dad hates grandma and that we are to treat our parents like trash. Soon enough that kid will fling it all back to your face. Think about that. Because you went nuts over a snack preemptively?! I am kind of glad she bought it, must drive you nuts that she really doesn't give a damn that you are looney tune material.

[Anonymous]

Limit the visits to once a year 2-3 days. It sounds like a stressful relationship. If it was just about the snacks I would say while grandma is in the house she is probably going to spoil the kids a little. Learn to let go a little during these visits.

If she is only visiting for 3 days I would drop my expectations. Your mom wouldn't have known about the snacks if you didn't say anything. So be careful what you say - otherwise she'll stick her nose into your business. You could have thrown the snacks in the bin without saying anything.

The thing with people like this, they love it when you react. So quit reacting to her. She bought the snacks you told her not to, knowing you would lose it, she doesn't want to be told what to do and will undermine you at every opportunity, understand this is her. Know that when she visits she'll try to press your buttons. If you are chill and don't care what snacks she buys it's less drama with her.

If you really can't handle her, then stick to Skype and phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you both have control issues.

All grandmas want to do things so their grandchildren will love them. You have to drop the rules some for grandma. Step away a bit. Try to let some things ride. Don’t micromanage her visit. Then, you might see some improvement. If not, at least don’t let it get to you. Your kid will be fine.

I have a bipolar mom and have learned that there’s nothing to be gained by taking the bait.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

the unopened bag of said snacks goes straight into the trash. your house ypur rules. next question.
ps: why do you invite her if she is abusive?

[Anonymous]

It is frustrating as all get out, but it is only a few times a year. I don't think it really undermines your authority with your children. Traditionally, grandmothers sometimes feel that they are allowed to spoil and break a few rules because it is every once in while. However in a family like yours, it certainly pushes all the wrong buttons and brings up all the reasons you distanced yourself from your family.

[Anonymous]

Your mother undermined you by wanting to buy ice cream for the household -- because nine hours earlier at a store you told your five year old he couldn't have candy?

Are you the only person who is allowed to have wants, desires, and feelings in your household? Are you constantly spoiling for a fight with everyone?

You sound like an emotional tyrant, a bully, and a baby.

[Anonymous]

Yet another baffling example of an armchair diagnosis of NPD.

[Anonymous]

I think PPs are being way too harsh on the OP. Read the post. It’s not about the snacks. It sounds like this is merely the latest example of OP’s mother doing what she wants to do and disregarding her son. OP said it’s been 20 years of similar things - and OP’s kid is only 5 - so obviously this goes well beyond a grandma who simply wants to spoil her grandkid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother is a screw turning pure evil shrew. If she went out and bought some snacks - and didn’t hand me a bill for them - I’d be dancing a jig.
You sound uptight. Your mom is only visiting and will go home soon. Suspend all of your rules and expectations and chill out and just wait for her to go home.

Amen. Yelling like an idiot over snacks. Who does that?

Maybe Drake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think PPs are being way too harsh on the OP. Read the post. It’s not about the snacks. It sounds like this is merely the latest example of OP’s mother doing what she wants to do and disregarding her son. OP said it’s been 20 years of similar things - and OP’s kid is only 5 - so obviously this goes well beyond a grandma who simply wants to spoil her grandkid.

I know - but the woman GOES HOME after just a few short days. He’s living on easy street!

[Anonymous]

So if someone heard you ask them not to do something, and then did it anyway? That’s not rude? No one in my family or my in laws would do that. It’s not normal. A lifetime of that would drive me bonkers. Sorry OP!!!