I’m dying slow painful death of undermining from narcissist mother

[Anonymous]

I still don’t understand what was so undermining about another adult wanting to purchase ice cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute mom with wife and let see what comments you get.

OP doesn’t need to make parenting decisions with his own mother. That is the job of the child’s mother and father.

treating every random event (a snack in a store, really?) as the ultimate 'parenting decision' is where it least half of the problem comes from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who also deals with a narcissist mother who undermines her, I totally understand, OP, and think some PPs are being way, way too harsh. It's not about the crap she bought at the store. It's that she totally ignored him -- AGAIN -- and did something to undermine his authority in front of his kids. This was just the latest example and it was a trigger for him. My mom, who used to live with us half the year, did the same thing routinely with my DD and it's one of the main reasons why she no longer lives with us.

If OP is still reading this thread (which I kinda doubt given he's gotten the full DCUM treatment), I'd just suggest trying to ignore her and give yourself a timeout (out of the house) the next time she does it. Because she will keep doing it.

for control freaks like OP things are always about something much much bigger than what they are. everything must be done exactly as they want it, and every deviation from the rule is the end of the world. OP is seriously disturbed.

But doesn’t know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t understand what was so undermining about another adult wanting to purchase ice cream.

Me either. Good thing that’s not what this thread is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lower your expectations dude. Granny gives kid sweets, news at 11.

Right like chill out lol

[Anonymous]

Here is how normal person with mom visiting would have reacted. "I am going to buy some ice cream, is there anything you need or prefer?" "Oh, I would have bought ice cream if I knew you wanted some, let me come with you." The end. Mom and son/daughter(in case Op is a lesbian) time without kids and everyone is having a nice time!
But, I suspect that OP is the same OP of that other thread where a woman was complaining about parents undermining her, and just hoped to prove that dcum will react differently if a "man" posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute mom with wife and let see what comments you get.

OP doesn’t need to make parenting decisions with his own mother. That is the job of the child’s mother and father.

treating every random event (a snack in a store, really?) as the ultimate 'parenting decision' is where it least half of the problem comes from.

I don’t understand how you went from “substitute mom...” to that idea. If this was between OP and the wife, then the advice would be to compromise and work it out. You don’t have to negotiate snacks or explain yourself to grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute mom with wife and let see what comments you get.

OP doesn’t need to make parenting decisions with his own mother. That is the job of the child’s mother and father.

treating every random event (a snack in a store, really?) as the ultimate 'parenting decision' is where it least half of the problem comes from.

I don’t understand how you went from “substitute mom...” to that idea. If this was between OP and the wife, then the advice would be to compromise and work it out. You don’t have to negotiate snacks or explain yourself to grandparents.

just because you don't have to doesn't mean it's not prudent to do it especially if alternative is to go "race car red" and make a big scene. normal people let the small things roll to avoid that. they explain things they don't have to explain to calm things down and smooth their relationships. but OP can't do any of that. for him, having things his way is 10000 times more important than feeling good or having a good relationship and he can't even see it. this man is seriously disturbed and his mom is the least of his problems.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I wouldn’t let her stay with me. Fortunately, my parents and ILs are people who respect other people’s boundaries. Limit her visits to visits of a few hours if that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute mom with wife and let see what comments you get.

OP doesn’t need to make parenting decisions with his own mother. That is the job of the child’s mother and father.

treating every random event (a snack in a store, really?) as the ultimate 'parenting decision' is where it least half of the problem comes from.

I don’t understand how you went from “substitute mom...” to that idea. If this was between OP and the wife, then the advice would be to compromise and work it out. You don’t have to negotiate snacks or explain yourself to grandparents.

just because you don't have to doesn't mean it's not prudent to do it especially if alternative is to go "race car red" and make a big scene. normal people let the small things roll to avoid that. they explain things they don't have to explain to calm things down and smooth their relationships. but OP can't do any of that. for him, having things his way is 10000 times more important than feeling good or having a good relationship and he can't even see it. this man is seriously disturbed and his mom is the least of his problems.

You should be thrilled if you don’t have a parent who pushes your buttons to feel some sense of control. Throw youreself a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute mom with wife and let see what comments you get.

OP doesn’t need to make parenting decisions with his own mother. That is the job of the child’s mother and father.

treating every random event (a snack in a store, really?) as the ultimate 'parenting decision' is where it least half of the problem comes from.

I don’t understand how you went from “substitute mom...” to that idea. If this was between OP and the wife, then the advice would be to compromise and work it out. You don’t have to negotiate snacks or explain yourself to grandparents.

just because you don't have to doesn't mean it's not prudent to do it especially if alternative is to go "race car red" and make a big scene. normal people let the small things roll to avoid that. they explain things they don't have to explain to calm things down and smooth their relationships. but OP can't do any of that. for him, having things his way is 10000 times more important than feeling good or having a good relationship and he can't even see it. this man is seriously disturbed and his mom is the least of his problems.

You should be thrilled if you don’t have a parent who pushes your buttons to feel some sense of control. Throw youreself a party.

i have an MIL from hell and i still maintain a relationship for the kid's sake (husband doesn't care and would have cut her off a long time ago). kids love her and she loves them. btw she lets them play games on her phone at 10 pm which 100% against my rules i don't bitch about it - she is 70, she will leave and, no, my parental authority was not in any way compromised by letting this slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute mom with wife and let see what comments you get.

OP doesn’t need to make parenting decisions with his own mother. That is the job of the child’s mother and father.

treating every random event (a snack in a store, really?) as the ultimate 'parenting decision' is where it least half of the problem comes from.

I don’t understand how you went from “substitute mom...” to that idea. If this was between OP and the wife, then the advice would be to compromise and work it out. You don’t have to negotiate snacks or explain yourself to grandparents.

just because you don't have to doesn't mean it's not prudent to do it especially if alternative is to go "race car red" and make a big scene. normal people let the small things roll to avoid that. they explain things they don't have to explain to calm things down and smooth their relationships. but OP can't do any of that. for him, having things his way is 10000 times more important than feeling good or having a good relationship and he can't even see it. this man is seriously disturbed and his mom is the least of his problems.

You should be thrilled if you don’t have a parent who pushes your buttons to feel some sense of control. Throw youreself a party.

I have an over controlling mother but still throw myself a party every day, thank you. She isn’t really controlling you, you have to learn to set limits and then to just not worry too much about this stuff. Don’t interact too often. Is everyone still alive? Party time!

[Anonymous]

OP can you at least come back and say what this ‘snack’ was?

Nerds rope? Air Heads? Snickers? Pork Rinds? What??

[Anonymous]

OP, she's awful. Gray rock is the only way. If she gets any reaction at all, in her mind she's won.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your expectations dude. Granny gives kid sweets, news at 11.

Right like chill out lol

OP, the thing about giving a bunch of sweets and buying precisely what I said not to buy would be a big deal in my house too. I’m on your page.