Wife’s past

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say this with all my kindness. It's not that your wife has been slutty. It's that you are particularly inexperienced for a man, having had sex with only two women before marrying.

A typical man in this area marries at mid-thirties after accumulating at least a double-digit and frequently a triple-digit list. That's why there is less resentment toward the wife's experience, and an unspoken understanding that she, too, has been around the block.

You married early. That's all there is to it. If you waited to marry, your past would have looked similar to your wife's, and none of this gnashing of teeth would be necessary. [/quote

FYI for any man reading this, triple digits is not common at all so ignore that

[Anonymous]

Time to up your game bro! Being adventuresome in bed has nothing to do with being slutty.

[Anonymous]

I was wilder when I was young because I felt better about my body.

[Anonymous]

Some of us tried things early in life, due to experimenting or insecurity or peer pressure or teenage hormones or whatever, and decided that we did NOT like those things. We may have discovered early on that certain things were not enjoyable and we had no desire to ever do them again.

The fact that she tried things does not necessarily mean she enjoyed them. And if she didn’t, she is under no obligation to do them again, ever. Her sexuality isn’t a gift that she owes anyone - if she didn’t like it the first time around, why should she keep doing the same thing? And would you even want to engage in an activity that doesn’t bring her pleasure, just because she let someone else? That is thinking of her as an object to be owned, not a person you want to please.

[Anonymous]

It's her past. It's not like she can go back and change it. My husband knew about my past before we actually started dating, because we talked about everything. I've had many, many more partners than he has, and mine include both sexes. It doesn't bother him at all. You're jealous? Sounds like the beginning of the end to me. Everyone has a past. Some of us are just more adventurous than others. Grow up, and stop lamenting the fact that your wife enjoyed herself before you met. Maybe try some variety in the bedroom, spice things up, and see what she's capable of. Since you're a prude, she's probably been holding herself back so she wouldn't shock you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife doesn't owe you anything.

You honestly sound like you need a good therapist.

Why is this the go to answer for everything related to male insecurities? His ego is kinda crushed. Believe it or not, that's kinda important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife doesn't owe you anything.

You honestly sound like you need a good therapist.

Why is this the go to answer for everything related to male insecurities? His ego is kinda crushed. Believe it or not, that's kinda important.

Well then instead of therapy how about grow up OP. You have 2 children and have been together for 13 years. Sounds like you could be abusive- check out Gavin de beckers’ Gift of Fear- there is a chapter on men who shame women’s pasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife doesn't owe you anything.

You honestly sound like you need a good therapist.

Why is this the go to answer for everything related to male insecurities? His ego is kinda crushed. Believe it or not, that's kinda important.

PP here, and I actually don't think I've ever recommended a therapist before. I really feel like OP has a lot of very deep and serious issues. It's not normal or well adjusted for a man to feel like a woman owes him sex, let alone that a woman owes him wild and adventurous sex because she did it with someone else in the past. He clearly feels like he has some sort of ownership over her, and I think that's something that really needs a therapist to unpack and work on.

[Anonymous]

I don't think my ex ever got over the fact my number was much larger than his. He ended up cheating. His fragile ego couldn't handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife doesn't owe you anything.

You honestly sound like you need a good therapist.

Why is this the go to answer for everything related to male insecurities? His ego is kinda crushed. Believe it or not, that's kinda important.

Well then instead of therapy how about grow up OP. You have 2 children and have been together for 13 years. Sounds like you could be abusive- check out Gavin de beckers’ Gift of Fear- there is a chapter on men who shame women’s pasts.

I'm getting the abusive vibe from him too, unfortunately. The possessiveness just doesn't seem healthy to me.

[Anonymous]

After 13 years with my husband, I would be devastated to hear his opinion of me today has changed based on a me that he never knew. I get the vibe that there's something else that's bothering. Go find a therapist.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I only know tidbits about our sexual past but I do know that we were both single digit...lower end for me. We periodically joke about old BFs or GFs but only in a fun way. His past is his past and we've been married a long time and we are very happy.

[Anonymous]

The past is the past. Many of us learn thru experiences. She might have discovered she didn't like one night stands and swore off them after that guy. Whatever her experiences were, they made her the woman that you fell in love with. If you want something different or more adventurous, talk to her about it. Don't dwell on the past. It's a turn off.

[Anonymous]

Since this is an anonymous board, I'm going to be brutally honest with you OP. Late bloomer means too unattractive, creepy or something for women to be interested in you. Your wife probably loves you and finds aspects of you very appealing but married you in spite of you not being a very sexually attractive person. Women can love someone for their mind, dedication to family or for various reasons even if they are a physical dud. If you want your wife to be more active sexually then you need to get into the gym ASAP.

[Anonymous]

She sounds perfectly normal. Your hangups are your own. Don't take your neuroses out on her.