Served my DH with divorce papers and he was stunned

[Anonymous]

To pp re: securing your money - there's really no way to hide assets. Everything will be traced back, tallied up and split. Unless she secretly siphoned off a little cash here and there, there's really no way to hide large amounts of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless she told her husband she planned to meet with a lawyer and file for divorce, then she blindsided him. And that's dumb. Super dumb.

The smoothest and cheapest divorces are the ones where the two parties act like grown-ups, come to a mutual agreement to end the marriage, and commit to put the needs of the children above everything. The smartest approach is to try to figure out as much as you can without involving lawyers. If you can pretty much agree on most things, then you can involve a mediator to help move things along. Once both sides lawyer up, you are essentially benefitting the lawyers family and screwing yourselves/your family out of money (lots of it).

This is just such a bad move...unless the op and her STBX were essentially living separate lives with separate accounts and separate assets. Even so, he can still launch a battle over essentially anything...

How old is your lawyer, OP?

OP and in our case this was not possible. His parents also saw what he was doing and mentioned it so it is not some mystery that things were not working out. You cannot walk in someone else's shoes. I was so tired of the everyday snipping that I had also seriously thought of getting in my car and never coming back. We all have a breaking point.

[Anonymous]

are you still living with him ?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that, OP.

But just remember: you picked him, and the one common denominator in your relationships is you. So try to figure out some things about yourself before getting involved with another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you still living with him ?

OP, no, he is staying with a friend.

[Anonymous]

So you blindsided him and kicked him out??? Brace yourself for a battle, OP... unless he has a girlfriend/boyfriend on the side and was sniping at you in an effort to get you to pull the trigger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she told her husband she planned to meet with a lawyer and file for divorce, then she blindsided him. And that's dumb. Super dumb.

The smoothest and cheapest divorces are the ones where the two parties act like grown-ups, come to a mutual agreement to end the marriage, and commit to put the needs of the children above everything. The smartest approach is to try to figure out as much as you can without involving lawyers. If you can pretty much agree on most things, then you can involve a mediator to help move things along. Once both sides lawyer up, you are essentially benefitting the lawyers family and screwing yourselves/your family out of money (lots of it).

This is just such a bad move...unless the op and her STBX were essentially living separate lives with separate accounts and separate assets. Even so, he can still launch a battle over essentially anything...

How old is your lawyer, OP?

OP and in our case this was not possible. His parents also saw what he was doing and mentioned it so it is not some mystery that things were not working out. You cannot walk in someone else's shoes. I was so tired of the everyday snipping that I had also seriously thought of getting in my car and never coming back. We all have a breaking point.

No one is questioning your decision to end the marriage. But there is a way to do it that minimizes the potential for conflict ..... and blindsiding the spouse is not the way.

You gain nothing other than possibly some emotional satisfaction from surprising him. But it creates a confrontation - at least it would in most cases - whether the surprised party is the husband or the wife.

Divorces even under the best of circumstances can be acrimonious and what one seeks to do is to minimize the acrimony for the sake of all the parties.

[Anonymous]

You should send him a copy of the song, "Superwoman" by Karen White. It's from the late 80's and is a great song that probably is inspired by women just like you.

Oh well, I am sure your husband gets it now, but it is a little too late.

Divorce is never easy, but hopefully lessons learned on both ends and both parties can move forward and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you still living with him ?

OP, no, he is staying with a friend.

He should have kicked you out. Have some decency and pack up and find an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you still living with him ?

OP, no, he is staying with a friend.

He should have kicked you out. Have some decency and pack up and find an apartment.

Who said OP kicked him out? He may have very well packed a bag and left on his own. Man, some people really read into things

[Anonymous]

Divorced guy here, and I want to comment on this 'blindside' critique everyone is throwing up. The first time you actually come out and say "I want a divorce" it is both a reversal of the presumption of the default direction of the relationship and a "blindside" or shock...no matter what has preceded it.

I had told my ex-wife for years that I was unhappy, that certain parts of our relationship sucked, and taken concrete actions along those lines, including counseling. In conversations about the future and planning, I'd dropped hints. After 14 years of marriage, she had come to take for granted that I would stick around...take for granted being the operative phrase (about just about everything).

So yeah, the first time you broach the subject, it's a "blindside" and a shock, no matter what. I wouldn't go so far as serving papers, although honestly, who the hell does that anyway? If you have to 'serve' your lawyer gets a servicer to do it for you...I do think it kind of maximizes the shock to have a servicer showing up at your job or front door as the very first indication being quite a shock.

[Anonymous]

Nice try making yourself feel better, divorced guy pp...but having marital issues for years and raising the prospect of divorce at one point doesn't make it any better if you ultimately surprise your partner. It just doesn't.

The last person who should be surprised about a divorce filing is your spouse. Duh.

Be a freaking adult, have an explicit conversation that includes the words "I've decided to talk to a lawyer about divorce" and then proceed in an open and communicative fashion. And if kids are involved, then there's no excuse for speeding up the process. Instead, seek counseling to foster an effective co parenting plan and divorce agreement, jointly figure out housing arrangements and the finances, and then proceed.

This isn't rocket science, folks. But for some selfish people, I guess it simply isn't common sense. Sad. Pathetic, and sad.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to take a guess that withholding information and basic communication from your husband was part of the reason for the demise of your marriage.

For future reference, expecting a man to read your mind and getting upset when he doesn't is emotional abide.

[Anonymous]

Abuse*

[Anonymous]

Google The Walkaway Wife by michelle weiner davis. Op fits the description of a walk away wife.