Served my DH with divorce papers and he was stunned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To pp re: securing your money - there's really no way to hide assets. Everything will be traced back, tallied up and split. Unless she secretly siphoned off a little cash here and there, there's really no way to hide large amounts of money.

I don't think most people mean hiding money when they talk about securing assets. It's usually more about getting copies of all financial records and, if you don't have an income to support yourself, move a reasonable amount of money into a solo account (which you don't have to hide) so that your spouse can't immediately clean you when you tell them you're leaving.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Ignore the host of stupid posters! Maybe they're just one and the same person, who knows.

No one can walk in your shoes, you are right, and I know that for a certain breed of men, what you did was the best solution. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you still living with him ?

OP, no, he is staying with a friend.

He should have kicked you out. Have some decency and pack up and find an apartment.

Who said OP kicked him out? He may have very well packed a bag and left on his own. Man, some people really read into things

+1 Right? People are turning this post into a Choose Your Own Adventure book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, had you given your husband no warning at all beforehand, or are PPs reading too much into your post?

OP and I had endlessly said I was tired of never being good enough in his eyes. I told him it could not go on like this much longer and finally one day said enough is enough. I think he was stunned more out of ego than anything else. We did the marriage counseling route and he would never consider anything he did as negative.

I also split up with my husband, and he was totally stunned when I announced it. Our situation was different, there was infidelity, which he was never able to stop, and we had been through extensive counseling. He had been recommended to take medications, stop drinking and see a counselor, none of which he did consistently.

It puzzles me to this day why he was so surprised when I finally told him it was over. He had plenty of warning. It's inconceivable to me that anyone would expect a spouse to continue a relationship under those circumstances. And, he clearly understood that I personally wouldn't live like that. And yet, when I informed him it was over, he was stunned. For a number of years, he seemed to believe we might get back together.

So odd. I don't know if it was ego, an inability to see the truth about himself, an inability to understand how I saw him, a view of women as disempowered, or just a simple inability to realistically predict the consequences of his actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be a freaking adult, have an explicit conversation that includes the words "I've decided to talk to a lawyer about divorce" and then proceed in an open and communicative fashion.

This isn't rocket science, folks. But for some selfish people, I guess it simply isn't common sense. Sad. Pathetic, and sad.

I'll tell you what is sad and pathetic: reading comprehension on this blog...specifically yours.

My point was that after years of telling my wife I was unhappy, what the specific issues were I was unhappy with, seeking counseling (what you yourself suggest) individually and as a couple AND hinting, when I did exactly what you suggest - sit down and calmly tell my wife "I want a divorce" - she was shocked.

Read that sentence again, just so you don't miss it: I did exactly what you suggest and yet my wife was "blindsided".

Sorry you got dumped and you want slam anyone who was a dumper. Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don't have kids - and that you are not over 40.

Not OP, but when this husband goes (leaves or dies), I am not going out to look for another guy to date or marry. I am so DONE with being partnered. I'm looking forward to being over 40 with no partner. Men are so much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don't have kids - and that you are not over 40.

Not OP, but when this husband goes (leaves or dies), I am not going out to look for another guy to date or marry. I am so DONE with being partnered. I'm looking forward to being over 40 with no partner. Men are so much work.

I am re-married but I (a man) feel exactly the same way about women: way too much work. I would never have gone back to all the compromises of a 'partnered' life, except for wanting children, so I remarried. Casual dating and living solo was so much easier (I do love my wife and am ecstatic we are expecting). Another divorced female friend of mine feels exactly the same as well - but she'd already had her kids, so there was no desire/pressure to be coupled.

[Anonymous]

I also split up with my husband, and he was totally stunned when I announced it. Our situation was different, there was infidelity, which he was never able to stop, and we had been through extensive counseling. He had been recommended to take medications, stop drinking and see a counselor, none of which he did consistently.

It puzzles me to this day why he was so surprised when I finally told him it was over. He had plenty of warning. It's inconceivable to me that anyone would expect a spouse to continue a relationship under those circumstances. And, he clearly understood that I personally wouldn't live like that. And yet, when I informed him it was over, he was stunned. For a number of years, he seemed to believe we might get back together.

So odd. I don't know if it was ego, an inability to see the truth about himself, an inability to understand how I saw him, a view of women as disempowered, or just a simple inability to realistically predict the consequences of his actions.

I'm going through this now. Infidelity isn't our issue but we have others issues with untreated depression, unemployment and uncontrolled spending. My own mental health and financial stability are deteriorating and the only way I know I can get back to a healthy place is by separating. My husband is stunned even though we've had lots of counseling over the years.

Good for you, OP, for doing what you need to do to get to a healthier place. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I hope you don't have kids - and that you are not over 40.


Not OP, but when this husband goes (leaves or dies), I am not going out to look for another guy to date or marry. I am so DONE with being partnered. I'm looking forward to being over 40 with no partner. Men are so much work.

All the divorce women I know who are over forty really want to get married again...and I mean really quickly. I think to myself....why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I hope you don't have kids - and that you are not over 40.


Not OP, but when this husband goes (leaves or dies), I am not going out to look for another guy to date or marry. I am so DONE with being partnered. I'm looking forward to being over 40 with no partner. Men are so much work.

All the divorce women I know who are over forty really want to get married again...and I mean really quickly. I think to myself....why?

I just found out my husband has a serious girlfriend and wants a divorce. I wished him good luck with the new chick and I am ECSTATIC at the idea of being single. I will remain that way for as long as humanly possible. I'm so happy to be able to do whatever the hell I want, when I want. Why would I give that up? People that leave one serious relationship directly for another baffle me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:but he shouldn't have been. Ten years and I was tired of nothing ever being good enough. Tired of being compared to these supposed super women who always seem to be in every neighborhood we have lived in. Sp

Good for you OP! Celebration time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

Ignore the host of stupid posters! Maybe they're just one and the same person, who knows.

No one can walk in your shoes, you are right, and I know that for a certain breed of men, what you did was the best solution. Best of luck.

I agree. You made the best decision for you. Life is too short to put up with BS. Congratulations with your freedom.

[Anonymous]

God, if she had stayed, everyone would call her a doormat. If she stayed and cheated, everyone would be all over her for being a coward and selfish. She had the courage to do the right thing and leave. And still everyone gets on her case.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don't have kids.

Blindsiding someone (anyone) with divorce papers is never wise. Forget the moral implications. I'm talking about strategy. Now you've pissed off the guy. He will likely turn what could have been a relatively simple process into a bloody war. Have fun fighting over every little thing for the next year or so. And have fun paying your lawyer!

Ps - if your lawyer advised this approach, then you are screwed...you have a craptastic lawyer.

Signed,

Lawyer

Ugh, what are you talking about. Are you a family law lawyer?

Because I work in family law and this is EXACTLY what we advise our clients to do. And we are an excellent firm.

If you can surprise someone with a divorce, it's the best thing because all the assets get frozen, and they wont be able to move money around.

Which is why so many famous and uber-rich people use this strategy and "blindside" their partner.

Are you seriously a lawyer? Or did you just say that to scare OP? If you are, you may want to choose a different field.

[Anonymous]

LOL. I can't help but laugh at the ridiculous "legal experts" on this thread, aka DCUM harpies pretending they know jack shit about what they're talking about and telling OP, "oh shit, you just ruined your case."

The fact is, OP made exactly the right move to protect her assets. You really think if OP had waited and pussyfooted around the issue that her DH would have just rolled over and given her everything without a fight?

LOL. Some of you are so naive. Hilarious.