Losing a spouse vs. Losing a parent or child

[Anonymous]

Losing a child is by far the absolute worst thing.

[Anonymous]

And how long should a woman retain the widow status after remarrying? Her husband died more than a handful of years ago, and she's been remarried for nearly one year.

[Anonymous]

Who can quantify such things? I can't believe people are debating this.

[Anonymous]

I was 18 when my mom died. Of course, it was awful but my grandma was totally devastated and never got over it. Now that I'm a mom, I understand and wish she was still here so I could tell her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And how long should a woman retain the widow status after remarrying? Her husband died more than a handful of years ago, and she's been remarried for nearly one year.

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And how long should a woman retain the widow status after remarrying? Her husband died more than a handful of years ago, and she's been remarried for nearly one year.

Now you sound like the awful one. Why does it matter to you whether she refers to herself as a widow? You all sound like you suck.

[Anonymous]

Re: What?

She keeps bringing up the fact that she's a widow...even though she's remarried...and I've observed confused looks on peoples faces when they discover she has a living husband. It's odd, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: What?

She keeps bringing up the fact that she's a widow...even though she's remarried...and I've observed confused looks on peoples faces when they discover she has a living husband. It's odd, right?

She's a widow from her first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Sick and sad debate

[Anonymous]

Get help. Please.

[Anonymous]

Get help??? Because I'm trying to understand why two loved ones are continuously debating whose grief is worse??? I don't understand, pp. I'm trying to be supportive and trying to come up with ways to diffuse the situations they constantly create whenever they are in the same room or FB. I don't think either party is 100% mentally stable, so that complicates everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get help??? Because I'm trying to understand why two loved ones are continuously debating whose grief is worse??? I don't understand, pp. I'm trying to be supportive and trying to come up with ways to diffuse the situations they constantly create whenever they are in the same room or FB. I don't think either party is 100% mentally stable, so that complicates everything.

Yes, get help. Because you're obviously right in the middle of it with them, judging whether she should still be using the widow label. And your question was in no way about trying to help them resolve the situation, it was asking people to weigh in on whose grief was worse. What, did you not get to debate it with them this evening so you needed to stir it up on DCUM? You're just as invested in the drama as them, except you really have no horse in this race since it seems you've never lost a spouse or a husband. It's twisted.

[Anonymous]

I think that they must be insensitive to each others pain to be arguing like that.

I can't imagine the horrible grief of losing a child, ever. But it's not like a widow just stops loving her former husband and the life that she had with him just because she remarries.

Grief is grief and it sad, sharp and painful.

[Anonymous]

Losing a child. 50% of married people will lose a spouse. No one should lose a child.

[Anonymous]

I don't need help. The consensus among family and friends is that the widow is deriving some enjoyment/support by retaining the widow moniker...but none of us is a widow so we don't understand what that's all about. And we feel like she needs to be more supportive of the person who lost a child and clearly is struggling with the loss instead of constantly bringing up the fact that she lost a spouse, their grief should be equal, yet she's happily moved forward (of course, she's remarried but doesn't recognize how that factors into their different situations).

I really didn't want to get into all the details here, although it doesn't matter since they both live in another country.

But you are correct pp that I was hoping to glean some info from folks who have experienced such loss. And based on what I've read here, the widows have managed to move forward while the parents have struggled. That's what I suspected, and that's what I've observed from folks I know who have lost a child.