Daughter thinks she's transgender; in desperate need of counselor to help us
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Anonymous
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Op that is exactly why I recommended pflag. You may find some people who have been in your shoes -- parents. At the moment, that may be a more useful thing for you to pursue than some expert diagnosis that will tell you "exactly" what this is. I'm not sure you can even get that, or that your daughter wants to be involved in providing it. Find some real life people who can help YOU get your feet under you. Someone you Can share this with.
Community.pflag.org Try the "get support" link -- good reading materials even if you aren't ready to go to a meeting or something like that. Look, I rocked my mom's world once. And she was like you - intellectually supportive but it's still a shock and a sadness. And that is like another lifetime now. All is well and you and your daughter will be too. All my best wishes to you! |
Anonymous
19:43 poster here. Feel free to email me at fccnova@gmail.com |
Anonymous
My thoughts as well. |
Anonymous
| No one can push people further away from Jesus than his purported followers. Your posts show nothing but being judgmental, unloving, and unhelpful. Is that what Jesus has taught you? What's wrong with you people that you feel a need to condemn others in His name? Please go away. |
Anonymous
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OP -- I've been in your shoes. A few insights.
1) Unless your husband is violent or reactionary, you need to get him in the loop very soon. Talk to your child about it. If he is in the dark a long time while you work this through with your DC, he will resent you and your child - if you child tells him in a year and says now his "daughter" wants to be called his "son," he will be shocked and you will have had all that time to get used to the idea that he will be denied. 2) no therapist in this area can give your child a test and say "yes, DC is trans" or "no, DC is not." There can be signs that align to make it look like DC knows what he's feeling or perhaps is over reacting to a crisis and shouldn't make quick decisions, but it's not black and white. Boston has the most established gender clinic in the U.S. and they do have a battery of psych test to get a clearer picture, but they don't do that at Children's Hospital's program in DC and I doubt any therapists in the are do so. But you should get some mental health support for DC and your family. 3) Go see either Dr. Gomez Lobo (Chldren's) (not an endocrinologist but knows her stuff), Dr. Elise Pine (Baltimore, U of Md) (great endo), or another endocrinologist with transgender experience. Get your child's puberty development evaluated immediately. If it's not too late, you may want to consider puberty blockers while you all sort this out . If DC eventually transitions, the less DC has gone into female puberty the easier the transition later, but there are complex issues to consider -- including fertility down the road. Yes, there will be many other issues down the road relating to schools, friends, sports, etc., but you'll get there when you get there if you ever need to go there. But for now, I would say focus on the three things above. Whatever happens, know your child and family are not alone. It is challenging, but we live in an area that is much more accepting of these kids than even 10 years ago, and young people are the most accepting of each other. Good luck OP. |
Anonymous
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The fact that this has blindsided you makes me think there's a good chance it's something she's just "trying on." There's a lot of publicity around this issue at the moment and for "typical" kids, I think some of them look at all the viral videos or stories about kids "coming out" and their supportive parents and how it can almost make you famous or special to be different in this way. Actual children with gender dysphoria, on the other hand, have felt "different" their whole lives and typically act out.
In other words, I think it's really unusual for someone to reach the age of 13 without even dropping a single hint that they are confused about their gender identity and then suddenly come out as transgender. I'm not saying it's impossible, but I would definitely see a regular therapist first as opposed to one specializing in transgender issues -- or at least be very careful about which transgender expert you see. Kenneth Zucker is an excellent choice for this, but I'm not sure where he is based. He headed up the APA task force on gender identity, though, really knows his stuff, and takes a VERY conservative approach with children -- no hormones or transitions before a very thorough attempt to get the the root of what's really going on. |
Anonymous
Are you being judgemental? I don't understand what you are saying? |
Anonymous
The household is fine I'm sure. What the world needs is less of people like you. |
Anonymous
Do you feel the blood on your hands? Your mentality has killed thousands. Would you rather have a happy trans son or a dead 'daughter'? That's what it comes down to. |
Anonymous
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OP, glad to hear you're trying to understand and help your child. This may be a definite thing or it may be a phase but you are right to take this seriously. If your child does end up being transgender, she will need all your support and understanding.
FWIW, we have a number of transgender friends and my daughter has dated some transgender boys. Transgender people can have rewarding lives and a good family life just like anyone else. You sound like a great mom. Hang in there! |
Anonymous
I don't think it's the household that needs Jesus. I think it's these pps. Jesus could teach you how to love others for who they are -- if you would open your heart to his teaching. |
Anonymous
It's hard to know. You might be right, but it is equally possible the signs were always there and the parents just were not aware or misinterpreted them. That was the situation in some families I know well. Contrary to media portrayals, specialists in the field have told me it is much more common for children to really begin to question this when they hit puberty than it is when they are smaller. Our culture is very accepting of "tom boys," so it is very easy to miss this in girls before puberty. But I agree completely that a conservative approach initially is the way to go until you sort it out, except that I think psych and medical consults should not wait long with a 13 year old. Your window -- if you have one at all -- is very small to potentially make a difference physicially. My understanding is that puberty blockers are totally reversible, so if appropriate here can buy you time to make decisions. I completely agree there is no need to rush to any judgments about cross-hormone therapies or more. I'm just talking about preserving options and potentially heading off the onset of more severe disphoria. Good luck OP if you are still reading. |
Anonymous
Really? Your dd has dated more than one transgendered boy? Is being transgendered really this common now? (Not trying to be an ass, sincerely curious). I remember in my high school there were like 3 gay kids out of 1,000 (who were out). I realize that being gay and transgendered are two different things but I'm honestly curious about how much has changed about gender identity and sexuality. Are there significant amounts of trans kids in your typical high school? |
Anonymous
+ 10000. You must be an awesome mom! grats |
Anonymous
Well, it was a friendship network, so, yes, she dated multiple transgender boys because she knew them through each other. They went to different schools but I imagine that they were drawn to each other through because of their similar experiences. |