Reply to Daughter thinks she's transgender; in desperate need of counselor to help us

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[quote=Anonymous]OP -- I've been in your shoes.  A few insights.

1) Unless your husband is violent or reactionary, you need to get him in the loop very soon.  Talk to your child about it.  If he is in the dark a long time while you work this through with your DC, he will resent you and your child - if you child tells him in a year and says now his "daughter" wants to be called his "son," he will be shocked and you will have had all that time to get used to the idea that he will be denied.

2) no therapist in this area can give your child a test and say "yes, DC is trans" or "no, DC is not."   There can be signs that align to make it look like DC knows what he's feeling or perhaps is over reacting to a crisis and shouldn't make quick decisions, but it's not black and white. Boston has the most established gender clinic in the U.S. and they do have a battery of psych test to get a clearer picture, but they don't do that at Children's Hospital's program in DC and I doubt any therapists in the are do so.  But you should get some mental health support for DC and your family.

3)  Go see either Dr. Gomez Lobo (Chldren's) (not an endocrinologist but knows her stuff), Dr. Elise Pine (Baltimore, U of Md) (great endo), or another endocrinologist with transgender experience.  Get your child's puberty development evaluated immediately.  If it's not too late, you may want to consider puberty blockers while you all sort this out . If DC eventually transitions, the less DC has gone into female puberty the easier the transition later, but there are complex issues to consider -- including fertility down the road.

Yes, there will be many other issues down the road relating to schools, friends, sports, etc., but you'll get there when you get there if you ever need to go there.  But for now, I would say focus on the three things above.

Whatever happens, know your child and family are not alone.   It is challenging, but we live in an area that is much more accepting of these kids than even 10 years ago, and young people are the most accepting of each other.   Good luck OP. [/quote]

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